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Celestia

Last Login:
October 17th, 2022

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Gender: Female
Status: In a relationship
Age: 21
Sign: Scorpio
Country: United States

Signup Date:
November 16, 2021

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10/11/2022 05:41 PM 

10.11
Current mood:  fermented

another winter comes to wake me up
another year fizzling out, a vision
still waiting somewhere on the horizon
Of a year, of a feeling, something new
but it's always blurred out by memories
the past loves to sink it's teeth into my neck
somehow more than i love to sink my teeth 
Into yours 
Into your heart, i wonder if i still have a place
my tiny shard of glass
I decide today i am going to rearrange my room
I am going to clean up under my bed
i cant help but feel sick while doing this
Remembering how things used to be
You've gone off to college, I know no one anymore
i don't even know if i want to. I hate people
But no matter how much you go dark on me at times
I could never hate you.
I feel sick thinking that in my mind
It's almost like just yesterday we were 15
Walking around at midnight in the cold
everything sucked but it all made us giggle
night after night, sleep deprived to delirium 
just like when we were 16 and soaking wet because i fell into the lake, we laid out under the stars and talked
for hours
Me doused in dirty water and freezing
Like we were 17 and you saw me drunk for the first time
and i told you i wanted to reach into your chest
And squeeze your heart with my hands
and its almost like a second ago 
it all happened
now you have no place for me 
At least it seems so
When i hear her name i feel nauseous 
Because i suspect you may like her better
how could i compete with someone like that?
i couldn't. I wouldnt.
Have what you will. Have what makes you happy.
gorge yourself in it until you throw it up
And it vaguely resembles
some memory of me.
I love you. And i wish that you understood.
you are the only real one out there.
I only ask
for a small taste of your heart

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