i always hated that trend of saying some random sh*t then venting and continuing like normal. they'll be like "petition to erase august" then go into detail of their dad. im terrified of getting older. the pit in my stomach grows worse every year. it festers around me like a damn wasp hoard. it's not the aging. it's not being able to spot them anymore that terrifies me. ive been counting down the years. everything feels so finite and clumsy in my hands. maybe they were never really mine to begin with. i hope they aren't. i noticed a change in how people react to me. it hits my mind as soon as i hear them say it. did i ever really get to be coddled as a child ? i don't want to face my shortcomings so soon. mediocrity represented in the shape of a f***ing birthday cake. a heart dots the i of a name unkind to me. i never even thought i'd see this age. i'm not sure how much longer i can be a coward. i dont want this. i should've been a marble. eat me so i can be born again. like who would ever do that ? august is a boring month tho so they right. f*** september too. all my homies hate september.