07-14-22

heavy hangovers hit my head like an axe that blows my brains out... i miss you!!! i miss you so badly. my heart aches for the warmth that surrounds it when you're near me. i miss lazy afternoons and slow, chaste kisses. i miss running my hands through your hair and having you rest your head on my shouder. i miss the comfort in knowing there is a deeper meaning behind the time we spend together. we are at war with the rest of the world and every few weeks we rest underground, beneath the soil, entertaining a secret only few know. keep this pride between hushed lips or we risk bleeding alive.

i'm tired of always going six feet under just to love you. i hate to see men wield their guns and profess their admiration for you in front of the whole world while i rest in the bunker waiting for you to keep our little secret alive. i hate to see the world be so against us, weapons of mass destruction in front of our throats ready to shove forward at any second. i hate to see others have heterosexual wishes for our tomorrows when we plan a future of our own behind their backs. i hate it all. i hate having to be each other's skeleton in the closet hiding under tongues, threatening to slip between index fingers and gritted teeth. sometimes i wish we were like everyone else. and it's not like any of it is our fault because it's not and it never will be. the world around us is liable, unfortunately colonized and still soaking up the same stupid catholic beliefs from centuries ago. we're sinners, the dirtiest possible human beings to ever exist on this planet. at least to them. but i like to talk to god and he thinks im perfectly fine. maybe? i think so.

im like a little boy about to burst... please get that eyesore of an action figure on the highest shelf between my stubby baby hands. i'll let the cold plastic warm between my hands while my imagination and the chipped paint job bring it to life. i'll make up a story so lifelike it's unreal. it'll be such a scene. we're in love and out and open and away from the bigotry.

one day. i always tell you. i can only wait. and fight for it in the tiniest ways possible. and eventually i won't have to wish to be somebody else just to show the world that i love you.

one day...........