ok soooo ik i'm technically writing this past midnight so it's techhhhnically wednesday may 11 but IDC!!
i'm talking abt may 10th in this post so :P
so basically i'm supposed to be writing music for this school thing but so far i have such bad artist's block that i can't get myself to do anything . :,( i hold myself to such a high standard that anytime i try to do ANYTHING , i immediately scrap it. i'm trying rly hard 2 just lik e,,, do SOMETHING just so i can say i did , but it's just been so hard
i'm v mad @ myself .. ik i'll end up making something tho. hopefully. bc i need to..
on another note, i'm in my school's stinky musical and the opening night is next thurs. it's such a huge time commitment tho and i'm so over it
i just wanna b able to enjoy my last few months before college without responsibilities since ik being far from family will b rly hard and put alot on my plate, esp since i have mental illness problems
a few friends from my past have reached out 2 me recently (2 future me readin this: jay, jason, + josh, lol ik all j's), and tbh it always makes me so uncomfy
idek why bc it's not like i dislike them or they've done anything bad to me (well not recently atleast LOL) but it just stresses me tf out bc talking to them kinda reminds me of bad times related to being on the internet at a young and vulnerable age
ik i'm writing alot for this post, but i like putting in a lot of detail soooo
so i got this sticky strapless/backless bra for my graduation and prom dresses and also for the musical bc i'm cinderella and i have 2 wear a strapless bra. but i have .. large boobs .
so most bra stuff isnt rly made 4 me loll .. most of that kind of stuff is made for like, b and c cups. so yea. idk it fit me weird the first few times i tried it and it made me feel suuuper bad abt myself. i got rly bad body dysmorphia for a bit nd almost had a panic attack and [TW]
almost tried to make myself throw up the little bit of food i ate that day. i didn't tho, thankfully (?). but on the bright side, once i finally got it to fit right i tried it with my graduation and prom dresses and they made me feel SO pretty ! :3 my prom dress is so freakin beautiful, i can't wait for prom now!!
nyway, 2morrow i gotta try writing more muzik n then i have freakin rehearsal again, AND a stupid dinner for school. but i have hope that at least that dinner will b kinda fun. idk we'll see! okiii byeeeeee!!!