It can be lonely in a head full of people
Category: Real Life
Current mood:  lonely

Hello to anyone reading this, which I doubt is anyone, really. My name is Ryker, and I am the temporary host of our system. Originally, I was the manager, making sure things get done when they need to, and storing information about our system. However, since our host has been going through some new trauma, I've been "promoted" to host for a while. I wouldn't think it would be this lonely, but it is.

When I could be internal all the time, I could always talk to other headmates in our system. We could always spend time with each other, and it was nice. Now that I'm fronting, it's really hard to communicate with them at all, and not to mention that most of our collective friends don't message us that often. It gets very lonely here, and I've been struggling the past few days to figure out how to deal with that. I've mostly just been drawing vent art and posting on whatever random site has places for me to post in. I guess I just want attention. I want to be recognized by someone, and have someone realize I exist.

It's hard. I didn't get a say in whether I'd be the temporary host. I don't even know how long I'll be here for. I don't blame the host for making me temp-host. He did say that if it were to be anyone, it would be me, and he's going through a very rough time right now, so I can't be mad at him, but it still really sucks. At least I can experiment with gender presentation for a while. Some of our close friends that we're comfortable unmasking around will know that I'm here, and I'm sure they won't shun me or ask for the host back.

I just really hope this ends soon.

-Ryker (They/Them)