it's oh so quiet.
sometimes writing feels like the only thing i have. i know that's not true but it helps.. even if it feels like it doesn't. you haven't seen me since my october recap, man so much has happened. health issues, mental issues, financial issues, you name it. the words aren't flowing out as easily as they used to. that's what happens when you hold your feelings back for so long. i know someday i'll be okay, and i'll look back on these times and thank the universe i made it through. but it's so hard. and it hurts. a lot. more days and nights than i'd like to admit. i feel weak and pathetic. i'm just so tired guys. it scares me - what's in my head sometimes. the worst part is that i'm living for others now, and like i said i know this dread is going to go away one day because it's happened before and i've gotten out of it but it always ends up coming back stronger in a different way. i guess it never truly goes away, just gets easier to manage. tonight is bad guys it's so bad. and i don't care about not censoring sh*t anymore. i want it to go away. i need my friends i need my mom to care like she used to i need chai. they don't know how bad it really is and i feel like it'll be too late once they do. anyway, i hope tomorrow will be a better day. i can only try from here, right? peace.