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angelo

Last Login:
June 3rd, 2022

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Gender: Male
Age: 20
Sign: Pisces
Country: Canada

Signup Date:
January 11, 2021

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01/10/2022 04:03 AM 

oh no [tw]

i was right about each year getting worse for me. i can myself and my mental health getting worse, i am slowly rotting from the inside. i have not been myself much lately either, but i'm trying to cover that up. i'm saying that i'm fine and alright to everyone, but i am crying and screaming for help, i am suffering and i do not know how much longer i have left. my brain is eating away at me and soon there will be nothing left. i never even thought that id make it this far. sometimes i feel like i was never ment to have a future, i am destined to meet my end soon. i will be suprised if i make it to 18 or past that. i never planned to have a life or make one. but now i suprisingly can imagine a future for myself, i can imagine it because of my boyfriend and him being in said future with me. he's all that i have left. he's been holding me together through what ive been going through, id never ask for anyone else, even though i don't tell him much about my struggles. i just don't want to worry or upset him.
i just wish the pain would stop. ive been having suicidal thoughts and thoughts of self harming just to escape, but i haven't acted upon them. i promised him i wouldn't, and i'm going to keep that promise forever. ill get out all my thoughts and feelings here instead. 
i need help but i feel like i am beyond repair. i know that there are people willing to help me, but am i willing to help myself ? i honestly wouldn't know, ive reached a place where im stuck in the middle between both life and death. although, sometimes i do feel like i am already dead. but death will never come for me because i promised. but sometimes i can feel death's stare, it watches and it waits til time is up, til i no longer can handle life no more. til i fall. the years, months and days counting down. the clock is ticking for me, but i never know when it will stop. i don't know wether to hope it keeps ticking or hope that it stops one day. sometimes i am in heaven, sometimes i am in hell.

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