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What a weird f*ckin day. Category: Real Life
Current mood:
miserable
Ight. Where the heck do I start? The beginning. (TL;DR at the end)
Went to my brother's first soccer game of the season, ended in a tie, 1-1. I don't care much for soccer but I was there to support.
When we got home the neighborhood kids were hanging out on our lawn with their skateboards, my little sister was with them, ages ranging 8-11. Said hi, went to head inside but then the oldest kid did an ollie so I asked if she could teach me because I kinda suck at skateboarding. The youngest kid was giggling and told me that the oldest kid had a crush on me. Older kid looked so embarrassed man. I said "okay cool, I'm too tired to process that" and we continued playing/hanging out and eventually all the kids left. I hope I didn't hurt this girl's feelings. An 11 year old has a crush on me. What
THEN my friends and I had this zoom call, but I FORGOT to change my zoom name and it had my pronouns in it and they definitely saw it and holy sh*t I just outed myself Changed it as soon as I could but they absolutely saw it, I don't know what to do, these are the homophobic/transphobic friends I was talking about. I know 2 of them are more supportive/probably not transphobic, but the other two...hmmmm I'm in danger. They all just kinda ignored it, but if anyone asks I'll probably go "I thought you guys knew already" (not a lie, but will confirm my out-ness) and treat it as not a big deal, or I'll go "I was just messing around" (really unconvincing lie, but will allow me to slink back into the closet). Honestly, f*ck the closet, I was getting tired of it, I'm pretty sure most people had an inkling of an idea anyway, with the way I dress and all. Who f*cking cares. I go to school now. I can make friends there. I don't need these people. I don't care if they f*ckin hate me and abandon me or whatever. It's not like we've known each other since preschool or anything. Not like I care about them...
God. I'm both freaking out and weirdly calm about this at the same time. Feels like my world is crashing down. Terrified but finding it strangely beautiful. I mean... I knew it was gonna happen sooner or later. I was hoping for later. Oh well. I'll be fine, always am.
TL;DR: An 11 year old has a crush on me and I accidentally outed myself to my probably-hateful friends. What a weird f*cking day. -Jed
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