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𝚓𝚎𝚏𝚏

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October 19th, 2023

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Gender: Other
Status: Swinger
Age: 17
Sign: Leo
Country: United States

Signup Date:
June 22, 2021

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08/16/2021 02:46 PM 

i want to kermit sewer slide
Current mood:  depressed

first day of 10th grade. i hate this place so much. i just want to curl up into a ball and die. i feel like everyone is laughing at me. i woke up today feeling confident but the second i walked into the building i felt like there was just this dark cloud hanging over me that followed me wherever i went. i hope someone shoots this school up. nothing of value would be lost. I want to run away and never look back. i have no friends here. do my parents ever wonder why i never want to tell them about my day? or why i only hang out with a bunch of junkies twice my age? they probably don't. they never do.

the teachers made us tell them our pronouns like 5 times. what's the f***ing point? everyone just writes she/her or he/him anyways. it's pointless virtue signalling bullsh*t. the more you try to push this stuff, the more bigoted the kids become. i went to go to the bathroom i overheard a bunch of wiggas talking about how they "saw a bitch in the boy's bathroom" and told her that she was in the wrong bathroom.

when i was younger, my parents always told me that i would "find my tribe." i never did. it's been five years now. i feel so empty. i have no f***s left to give, nothing to lose. it's like i never left middle school - or more accurately, middle school never left me. i have to bite my tongue whenever i hear someone complain about their life to prevent myself from saying it. no, it doesn't get better. it never does. just end it all before it gets worse. i wish i had went through with it when the thoughts first started. but no, i told myself to wait it out, see if anything changes. it didn't. all of that pain for nothing. i only feel alive when i have a bottle in my hand. going out and getting wasted on the weekends is the only thing i have to look forward to. the world feels much so smaller now. 

i don't want what they have. i want to be them. i'm so tired of being me. i spent so many years creating this persona for myself and i don't even want it anymore. after what happened today, i serously considered replacing my entire wardrobe and bleaching my hair back to blonde. i'm so sick of being constantly harassed by dudebros. if only it was that simple. 

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