don't read this one
Category: Blogging

i like some food but i don't like eating. i hope that makes sense. that feeling when you haven't eaten in hours, stomach growling n all, it hurts so much. but then that pain goes away and you're so proud of yourself that you didn't cave. it's sick how i think that's euphoric to me. it's sick that i miss being underweight cuz that's all im used to. it's sick that even if i do get to that point again, i'm still not gonna be content with how i look, like i'll never be able to love myself. i hate feeling guilty after anytime i eat something, whether it's good for me or not. i think i need help, but why should i even bother if im not almost dead with no meat on my bones? "i'm not sick enough" "that doesn't matter!" shut up. i only feel good about myself when i shouldn't and i only do things that make me feel good when i shouldn't do them. why can't i just loose weight normally? who am i kidding, even if i do it won't be good enough. nothing i ever do is good enough. i haven't even taken my meds yet. i've been lying to some friends so they think i'm getting better. i never thought i would get this way. what happened f*** :/ peace.