If Life Was Fair I Wouldn’t Have To Make These Boring Blog Posts About It

June 2, 2021

   I'm going to be making a SpaceHey account soon so whether I'll pick up where I left off on there or keep this going on here too. It's not like people read this, nor would I necessarily want anyone to. Though I'm way more open online than in person about a lot so it's whatever. I treat this like a Live Journal or something. A boring one at that.
   The things I wish were true in my life are out of my control. I wish I was somewhere where people liked me and I feel welcome. Somewhere I could be myself WITH people like me. My passion is something I never got to experience and it sucks. Wrong place, and definitely wrong time. Lately more than ever I've felt so alone. Like, discouragingly lonely. Like life would be so much better if I just got up and left. 
   Seeing others online with friends they relate to just makes me feel worse honestly. It shows me that plenty of people are into the same stuff as me and still found people like that in PERSON and I can't relate to anyone here. It's so lonely living like this. I don't hang out with anyone. I think about it, or at least what it would be like. I just wish I had friends more than anything. I'd love to be in a relationship but what I really want is a consistent friend group. People who relate to me, and I feel appreciated by. I've never had that. To the point that I seriously have no idea what it's like to be truly happy and hanging out with friends. I don't have experience, just what I've seen others do. Since making friends is so easy as long as you're not me and/or don't live in such a boring place. 
   If life was fair I wouldn't be here. If life was fair I'd find love. If life was fair I wouldn't wish I was dead every day. If life was fair I'd be taking pictures and listening to Senses Fail with my friends I'd actually HAVE. My perfect, ideal girlfriend and I would be doing each other, and each other's makeup. I'd be joking around with my friends laughing like I never have. I'd not have a perfect life but a fair one. One that wasn't without problems but was balanced out by the positives. Because right now there are no positives. My life has become near-meaningless to me. Just plain boring. I really hope it gets better, that's the only reason I've kept going.