Life Update
Category: Real Life
Current mood:  blah

TRIGGER WARNING
Update: The thoughts of self-harm just won't go away. I'm so done with this piece of sh*t hellhole called life dude. I have to listen to music in f***ing private every damn time just to avoid my mom's ridicule. At least my dad is out most of the day so I don't have to deal with him. Why can't they just f***ing accept who I am? They think it's not normal for someone to change in terms of sexuality? I've liked guys since the 5th grade and I've liked other since the 7th(I'm in 8th grade rn). Maybe it's because pansexuality is so "out of the norm." And I'm not even pansexual anymore im omnisexual(yeah im still confused as to who I am.) So imagine if I told I'm OMNISEXUAL. Even the term emnisexual sounds like a f***ing joke, plus I also found out im boyflux(meaning my masculinity changes or flactuates. For example, sometimes i feel 0% masculine, other times 50%, etc.). I know I should put away anything I can cut myself with in my room, but I just don't want to. Also, it's literally f***ing impossible to find anyone who even MIGHT have a crush on me. I've gotten sick and tired of the constant rejection I've faced during middle school. I don't want to be an outcast. I want to be someone. Not just a scenecore f***-up with terrible grades who thinks about cutting his wrists. I feel worthless. I feel like nothing, no one, absolutely ZERO things can help me out here. I'm all alone.

Backstory:
​​​​​​​i decided to come out as pan to my parents

last month

my parents took it the wrong way

they thought i was doing it because i wanted to fit in

to be special

and they thought it was because the internet was influencing me and made me think i was pan

so they said I couldn't use my phone till i was 6 F*CKING TEEN
 

they thought that lgbtqia+ youtubers were grooming me into thinking im pan and that people on discord and that my friends were making me think i was pan

the boyflux thing really explains why sometimes i gay as f*** and other times im fine

idk everything is just rushing at me so quickly

I've been crying in bed every night

I've thought of ending it all

my parents took away everything

I'm tired of the constant screaming between me and my parents

everyday. Tired of the fact that my parents keep twisting my words and how my sister gives zero f***s cuz she's doing great

there's a glass shard in my room

from a broken mirror

I've stared at it endlessly

i have nothing

just you guys

my parents won't even let me hang out, text, talk to, or do anything with my friends, and they constantly sh*t on my style and my music.

and if i tell them they'll probably think im just saying that because of the fact that alternative aesthetics sometimes tends to glorify depression and suicidal thoughts

I've never so depressed in my life, all I feel is anger and sadness