my life story

I grew up as a fairly normal kid. I guess all that mattered back then was if you had a healthy child, and my parents qualified for that. I was the type of kid that used to catch bees inside of water bottles and fill it up with water to see if it’d live. I’d dig trenches in the sandbox and introduce them to my water-hose. I felt like a mythological being, creating beautiful rivers in my own yard. Life was great. After all, I was but a mere child.
Early on, I learned what struggles the world was facing, but more importantly, what my own family was. Financial struggles seem to be a re-occurrence in my lifetime. Speaking then, it was of no worries to me. As long as I had my Small Soldiers action figures and my brand new Nintendo 64, I was living a great life. But I soon realized these were small luxuries, only prized to myself in my early years.Now that I’m a bit older, I take a bit more focus on it. I see my parents frustration, and I begin to wonder “What can I do to help?”.
Because if I had the choice to make everything run smoothly for my parents, and not for myself, I’d more than be happy to do so.
These weren’t the only frustrations of my lifetime though. Another big factor that’s developed me into who I am today is my experience of confusion. I’m almost positive every person that reads this has been “mislead” at least once in their lives and realized they never wanted it to happen again, no matter the amount of pain it was.
But that was never enough for those who hurt me.

Still today I’m faced with every day challenges that I have to endure myself. But through all of this struggle, I’ve learned a lot. If you know me well, you’d know I’m more of an observer, not a socialist. I am not that big of a social pariah if you will.
 


Sometimes, I sit back and listen to conversation, rather than partake in it. I stand by myself at parties and wonder what makes these diverse people friends.
And the more I observed, the more I learned.
I learned the foundations to conversation, how to properly treat a woman, how to tell when someone is liying, how and when to use manners, and how to react to most situations.

With that being said, even though I may know (or have a pretty positive belief) how to treat a woman, it hasn’t always given me the best luck. This ties into the relationships I’ve been in. There seems to be a rhythm and a similarity in them all though. They either ended way too short, or ended because I was cheated on. Needless to say, I’ve been single since late October of last year, due to fear of getting close to another person.

As for my religious views, they used to fluctuate frequently. I grew up a Christian, and had lived the lifestyle for 6 years. However, when I was 14 years old, I gave up hope on this. I ignored my religion and did not attend church for some time. Later on I gave God another chance shortly after turning 16, but that’s not to say I’m a die-hard Christian. I believe any faith in anything is a great thing, and to believe in something higher is something I respect and support of anybody, of any religion.

I also do not follow the Christian way as most do today. I believe that if God had placed us on this Earth with instincts, then we are to do what we feel is best, not what our religion says to do.
Most of this belief comes from simple logic; If I were to have a son, I would not expect him to be perfect, bow before me, and praise me in everything he does. I would want him to live the best life he could but still acknowledge that I was around, watching and love me the same.
I see God the same way. And if I am wrong, I’ll stand corrected on my dying day with an open mind.
I do not care if I am wrong, as long as I one day find out what is right. This does not apply to just religion for me, however, but in everything I do…


It seems I have taught myself the basics of living, without “proper” guidance. I hold accountable for everything I do, my mind. Go ahead and call me crazy for over-analyzing certain aspects of life, but I figure it is a part of me. The biggest part of who I am today is simply my own mind.
 And if you’ve given enough consideration to read this far, then I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I have absolutely nothing to hide but what I am not.