I am alone, but it's my fault

I am so alone and it hurts every day to get up knowing no one cares about me. I am not trying to be edgy, I just miss being in elementary and having friends come so easy to me. I have shut off people until now I'm stuck with one friend who at times is trying. I've brought myself tot he point of exhaustion with one friends since I'm such a people pleaser. I just want a friendship that's more 50/50 but I can't even bring myself to talk to people.