AAAAA (witnesses account)
Category: Real Life
Current mood:  moody

every year whn my birthday approaches i experience existential dread bc i am very afraid of the realization that Tangible Real Time has passed. in my mind i am exactly the same as i was when i was 12. thats bc of trauma but also bc im autistic & change frightens me. its almost liek i froze while everything else has moves & changed & shifted.

i just. idk. i always have fun on my bday im just. i feel further and further away from myself. its like my body is moving without me. i cant Explain how horrifying & depressing it is. im liek literally abt 2 cry rn. maybe its the Dissociative Whatever The F*** but im not terribly um anchored to my body.....bc um. yknowe. idk where im going w this. i Know i have good things 2 look forward too in the future nd i intend to live to see them but its so odd just floating aimlessly when u thought ud be dead by 16! wow. anyways. im done sorrt 4 the rant.....thing........idk. its lengthyyyy. dw abt me. ill b okay this is just a part a tha Roooootine. im dissoci8ting again so ♥ byeeeee