feeling alone

Sometimes I get this kinda lonliness that I can't ignore. It doesn't matter how many people who love me or how many people I can see love me, sometimes I just can't feel that love. I spent my life chasing people trying to chase away that feeling. The more friends I had the more friends I wanted and no matter how many friends I had I never felt like I had enough.There was a point in my life where i went to parties almost every night, had girls I liked and girls how liked me, I was popping pingers with alchohol and running from cops became a weekly thing. And there was a point in my life where I had no one, spent every wekend alone and sent f***ing paragraphs to a girl who could never give a f*** about me.
Want to know something? You never stop feeling that loneliness, that need to be normal, that need to have more. At a point you realise it isn't about who you surround yourself with, it's about you. Maybe I'll never stop feeling like this, but right now I'm just trying to make it through.