finally talked to a doctor about the headaches. apparently i'm having tension headaches and i need to meditate and take ibuprophen. she said people who are prone these types of headaches typically have them for the rest of their lives. so yeah. *sigh*
on an unrelated note, i'm scared. i have unreleased material for miles. 2 splits, 6 EPs, 1 compilation, and 9 albums worth, to be specific. but i'm terrified that i have run out of ideas. my hope is that this project will create more, bigger opportunities for me in the future, musically. but i'm not sure if that will ever happen.
i've been reading a lot about sol pais/dissolvedgirl lately. i'm not going to in depth about it/her here for reasons that should be obvious.seeing her and learning about who she was as a person makes me sad. i know it's cliche and narcissistic and probably false, but i can't help but think "i could have saved her." it's clear, especially after reading her diary entries, that she didn't want to hurt anyone. she was beautiful and smart. she could have been a model. she could probably have anything in the world if she wanted to. why?
perhaps it's the destiny of someone like her, to die in their prime, forever preserved like a taxidermy specimen in a glass jar.
she died alone and cold in the forest. i wonder what that must be like, to have those be your last moments. i often fantasize about dying that way. if i were going to kill myself, i would do the same. the setting has to be right. complete solitude. peace.
sol means sun and is a pretty common name in latin america, also sometimes using as the dimminutive version to soledad which means....loneliness.