If there was one thing that I could do right now is cut myself, deep. I haven't done it as much due to being busy with school a lot of the time therefore, my tolorance to pain withering away, for some reason when I cut, it either hurts or it doesn't provide me the high I want. The more I cut, the higher my pain tolorance becomes and the more I do it. I enjoy cutting myself but, for whatever reason, I'm too f***ing sad to even lift a finger. I want all this sh*t to go away, I want to end it all but, that would cause my family pain, greif and possibly guilt. Another thing that is somewhat related to this, I need sharper blades, the ones I use are dull, it's nearly inpossible for me to find anything else. I can't just walk to f***ing Walmart and get what I need, am I just going to have to steal sh*t? Probably.