i just got back from therapy so im having Thoughts
Category: Real Life
lol okay so we didn't talk about this really in therapy today, touched on the idea of this i guess, but not exactly. okay, anyway, i saw this thing on instagram just a minute ago, i follow this anxiety/therapy blog, and on her story she was talking about her mental health class she's taking and i guess theyre talking about self love and narcissism, and the questions are as follows: "Do we need to love ourselves before we can love others?" / "Narcissists are capable of loving themselves without loving others. Does this change your mind?" / "Is the extreme self-love felt by narcissists real or fake?" (with the answer to this last one being "it's fake and not genuine" apparently).
My first thought/ response was yes of course we need self love before we can love others! and I still stand by this thought. but then i had another thought...and i think i'll show you my thought process...? This was what i was going to respond to this person on instagram but i decided to just kinda work out my thoughts here:
"I fully believe you need to have self love to truly love others to the fullest extent. I think people are totally capable of loving others without loving themselves, but I feel the more standards and weight you put on yourself, the more you project those standards onto others.
And if that answer in the next slide is true about narcissists, I feel like that just furthers that though. I’ve never studied narcissists in a class like this, so you probably know more than me, but from my personal experience with dealing with narcissists in my life, they may “love” certain people, but their own standards for themselves and for others, and their ego, gets in the way of truly loving people, and def makes it harder to love more than a couple people/more than one group of people."
I then started thinking though about my own experiences. I started to write "For example, the more I learned to love myself and my flaws and quirks, the more I was able to accept that-" and it was going to continue "hey i shouldn't give a sh*t so other people shouldn't give a sh*t either, and i can be an example for other people," but then it clicked for me: there are a lot of things that I do/say/wear now that i wouldn't have done if i didn't have love and acceptance for other people, and took that love and acceptance i had for others and applied it to myself.
and THEN i thought to myself, well, maybe there needs to be a mixture of both! I think there needs to be a balance of the two to make it work, because it's kind of a catch 22: if you dont have the love and acceptance for yourself to do things like uhhh break gender norms and wear your hair spiked and wear kandi (yes im talking from my own experience akldjf) then it's harder to allow others to do those same things, because youre so caught up in this idea that you need to be a certain way to be loved, but if you love yourself however you are then it doesn't matter! but the other side of the coin i think is that the confidence of loving yourself can come from others confidence. We feed off of each other's self-love and bravery.
from my personal experiences with narcissists, there's no self love there, and there's no love for others. there's nothing to feed off of from them except negativity and greed. they are out to destroy your self love if anything, and to make you an empty shell just like them.
anyways, idk, that's my answer, those are my thoughts on the subject. i think self love is a very important thing to have, and a very important part of making the world go 'round. I think it's the #1 thing capitalist society seeks to taint and destroy, and i strongly believe if capitalism seeks to destroy it than it's something very important to our beings. If anyone else has any thoughts/feelings/experiences about it, i'd be curious to know...
xo, i leave you with this