The Funny Thing About Change
It's funny how we seldom change on our own accord. Which is ironic to say as I'm posting a blog on a myspace clone. (F*** algorythem heavy modern social media tho. that's a story for another time). Real change seems nine times out of ten to be forced. Change is more often a biproduct of circumstance outside of our control than it is a choice.
Cue 2020 and the covid quarantine. Look, I know that in the big picture, there are a lot of people out there who ware worse off than me right now. So, I don't mean to bitch about it too much. I just bring it up to talk about how change is forced on us. It is on me, anyway. You see, for a long time, I worked in a very specific industry. I did it for my whole adult life. In fact, when I started my career, I had my original myspace account. (damn I wish that thing were still up). But due to the circumstances of 2020, I was deemed non essential. Which by the way, what a f***ing insult. Yeah these jobs, we need them, but you and everyone you know, yeah not important. Here's some stimulous, stay home and shut up. F*** you. Anyway, covid deemed us non essesntial. Then, other situations out of my control look to very likely keep my particular business closed, even after covid.
So I've been facing a very scary question. What if I never do the thing I know how to do again? What if this is God being like "Dude, I don't know how many more signs I can give you. New path!" Emotionally, I've gone all over the map on this one. When you do something for so long, it becomes more than a job. It becomes part of your identity. (Side note: this is why you should love what you do. Because if your identity is something you hate, wow that sucks). So what do you do when that very large part of your identity is suddenly not available to you anymore?
To be honest, I still havent completly let go. But I know that it may be a very real possiblity that I have to. And although I haven't reached finality, I've made peace with the fact that it's most likely coming. I could be sad about it. And I am of course. But I'm not dwelling on it. Instead I'm looking at it as an oppertunity. If my longtime profession is taken away from me, what does that now leave room for? When I look at it like that, it takes something sad and scary, and makes it exciting. Perspective I guess.
I've been hitting up comedy open mics with my newfoound spare time. Because of covid, they're all semi secret and held in random locations. Even though it's cool to go on stage in a comedy club, this underground feel is pretty cool. Dare I say it's made the community areound these open mics more accepting. Anyone can sign up for an open mic, but if you're doing one in a park, or someone's garage, then you must REALLY wanna do this sh*t. I've been hitting those up, slowly but surely getting better, and making new connections. The more I do it, the more I think, "ok I know I need work but I could do this." And that makes me really excited to keep doing it. Even when I suck, I get better if that makes any sense. When other comics talk to me, it makes me feel like they see enough of something in me to accept me. So maybe there's something to this.
SO WHAT IF
here we go, gonna bring this baby home.. so what if there is something for me in comedy? Yeah, I definitely need to work and get better. For sure. But that withstanding, what if there is a spot for me in this world? I might've never known had the CHANGE of not being able to go to work NOT BEEN FORCED ON ME. What the actual f***? So you're telling me, in order to find the next chapter of my life, I have to let go of the current one?? Most likely. God has a sense of humor like that. It is hard to appreciate some sort of gain without knowing loss. Gotta be honest, not a fan of that system but I guess it works.
So here we are. About to set off on a new adventure and oh look, I have a shiny new myspace-like profile to post on. So join me FP friends, on this journey into the new decade. Here's to new friends and good vibes.