x

im sorry im so sad all the time.
i dont mean to be, i don't want to be. 
you're so f***ing positive, how do you always stay so positive?
sometimes i just want to get you angry. i just want you to get angry with me, i want you to understand and share my pain. 
i want you to wallow with me, 
i know, im sorry. 
i want to be happy, the world is just so so sad,
and my brain is always so mean to me. 
it tells me you hate me and that you've changed your mind. 
you found out how f***ing depressing i am and you're leaving while you can. 
it doesn't help that i isolate myself and make everyone think that I don't want to talk to them anymore,
i just don't know how to talk to people, that's all. 
my head gets in a fog and i can't concentrate on anything,
i can't think straight, i can't comprehend the world around me. 
sometimes the fog gets so thick i can't see,
white rings around the sights of my eyes and the world glitches in front of me and i can barely get myself to put a string through a bead or a pen to a paper. 
sometimes i just want to talk to you but i can't get myself to do anything. 
i need to prepare for all of the possibilities before everything,
and when i can't i get scared. 
im so sorry that im scared of everything. 
im so sorry that it's so hard to be around me. 
im sorry that i can't be any fun to be around. 
i'm always coming around with bad news, 
i've got a negative for every positive i manage to squeeze out of a conversaiton. 
i'm such a f***ing buzzkill, i know. 
i'm such a f***ing buzzkill.