hes like 10 yrs older then me. i was 10 keeping him calm. hes 100s of pounds heavier, and SO much stronger then me. but i, 10, KEPT HIM CALM. i kept him calm when u were drinking, drunk, and when YOU JST F***ING YELLED AT HIM. I KEPT HIM CALM EVEN THO I HATE HIS F***ING GUTS BETTER THEN U CLD 1Comment | 5 minutes ago XXx_GwaGwa_xXX (they/them)updated your status i was in elementary making sure my OLDER brother wld b calm as u drank at a bar. i kept him calm as a 10 yr old. WHERES MY F***ING CREDIT. WHERES MY APPRECIATION. I WAS A CHILD. IM A CHILD. F*** YOU. 1Comment | 7 minutes ago XXx_GwaGwa_xXX (they/them)updated your status /I/ was the one 2 cook for him when YOU were out drinking. /I/ was the one to keep him calm when all YOU cld do was yell and scream. I WAS THE ADULT. why do you treat me so poorly? I KEPT THIS FAMILY TOGETHER YOU BITCH 1Comment | XXx_GwaGwa_xXX (they/them)updated your status why me? i was always the good kid. i didnt break anything, i let her spend time with my brother. i was the good kid. maybe im not now, but i dont care. but why did she take it out on me? WHY DOES SHE BLAME ME? why does she treat me like f***ing dirt. HES the bad kid, NOT ME. i hate him. i hope he chokes. i hope she chokes. HE BULLIED ME AND SHE SAID I HAD 2 B THE BIGGER PERSON. why me? hes 10 years older, why was i the older sibling 1Comment | 21 minutes ago XXx_GwaGwa_xXX (they/them)updated your status i hate her calling him my dad bc she wld always say im a *his last name* and say ur acting like ur dad. I HATED IT. she said it to hurt me. she uses him against me. ITS NOT MY FAULT U F***ED (THEN MARRIED) AN ABUSER. ITS NOT MY F***ING FAULT 2Comment | 29 minutes ago Alec thats extremely toxic and frankly my mom does it sometime too. your not like your father no matter what she says. 24 minutes ago 1 XXx_GwaGwa_xXX (they/them)updated your status michelle, michelle, you are a monster from hell. 1Comment | 31 minutes ago XXx_GwaGwa_xXX (they/them)updated your status she always says "do u wanna live with ur dad" (i also hate her calling him tht but SHE WONT STOP) when we fight. shes manipulating me. she wont stop. ive told her i dont wanna live with him. why wont she stop.
i think i was under ~7, it was on the top bunk of my pink princess bunk bed. you were so much older. i dont think you even remember doing it. i thought it didnt happen for so long, i wanted 2 believe tht. but it was real. no one knows, i dont think ill ever come forward. i hate feet now. i hate men now. i want to just cut my feet off. i feel so dirty. ill never be clean. im tainted now. i hate you, but i cant escape you. u were supposed to be my brother, but u were just my tormentor.
10 days ago I seriously considered killing myself. More then I ever have, I already had my suicide note ready. I had the pills in my hand, I was close to doing it. I decided it was either overdose or relapse. I obviously didnt overdose. I was 17 days clean before that. I cut deeper then usual but I cant say I regret it, because I dont. I know I might in the future but I dont really have a future planned. I'm just so sick of everything, I wish I was able to end it. But I dont have the strength to, I wish I did. I wish I could do it. I have everything planned, I dont have many irl friends, and I dont talk to any of them anymore. I dont have much time before my deadline. I wish I was never born. I'm so sick of everything. I'm an abuse survivor, a neglect survivor, and a survivor in a way I dont wish to speak about. I dont want your sympathy, I dont want you to worry. I just needed to vent. Please pretend you never saw this outside of this bulletin. I'm fine. I'm sorry.
I think I'm going to cut again tonight, I'm so overwhelmed I need this. I'm going to use a sharp knife again to get good cuts. I have enough to keep it not infected, my 1st 1 is healing well
angsty
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