good afternoon

Last time I posted something it was about how betrayed I felt. I no longer feel betrayed, but I do feel conflicted. It's not like I don't already have trust issues but now they're just not being taken seriously. It's not like they have ever been taken seriously anyways... T-T I just can't seem to understand others. I always get too flustered to stay around them for more than greetings. Like no I don't care about ____ I'm sorry I just don't dude, I don't care about anyones ex, I care about now and people trying to get to know me. Is it BAD I expect kids older than me to take care of me and teach me in some way... Like can they not see in in my eyes that I desperately need some guidance???
If I was at a party and there was someone 5 years younger than me, walking around, looking scared as hell, I would try to show them love and support. Wouldn't you..?  Whatever.   Realistically I know I'm legally an adult and what I do for myself and my life is in my little hands... but GOD FORBID I got a little help.

My stomach hurts just thinking about social situations. Writing this all out I feel entitled and weak as f***. I would probalbly call myslef a "Pu$$y a$$ b*tch" if i didn't know myself so well.. I could literally sit under a tree for an hour and call it good. I'd leave feeling completly satasfied even.. 

Jesus.. I don't know.. Maybe im just a sensitive piece of sh*t.