two thousand fourteen
Current mood:  nostalgic

i knew you before i knew myself. i knew your quirks and your freckles and your favorite shirt and the crystal necklace you always wear. i remember what bag you carried the day i fell in love with you. i remember the pink streak on the left side of your hair from when we were fourteen years old. i remember what clothes i wore when you asked me to come smoke with you and i said yes even though i had never smoked a cigarette before; i just wanted an excuse to be near you. i can remember the first time you hugged me. i can remember the second, third, and fourth time. i remember everything from two thousand fourteen, when i though i'd never have a chance with you. and i remember the first time you kissed me and how tense we were when i whispered, "do you know how long i've waited to do that?" and you stayed silent and i screamed "SIX F*CKING YEARS" and we laughed like it was still two thousand fourteen. 
but i also remember the last conversation we had, when i begged you to be honest with me and tell me why you were treating me like that. i remember when you started lying to me. i remember the fear and the paranoia and the moment i realized you were gaslighting me. why are you back? why are you in my dreams again? i believed with my entire heart and soul that you were meant to be my forever. we planned the rest of our future together and you... you left. i should've kept all this sh*it in two thousand fourteen.