Can I just vent? I've tried talking about this elsewhere but everyone's just all "Don't stress about it, that won't do you any good" blah f***in blah WELL I AM STRESSED BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO, YOU TWATS! LET ME BE STRESSED!

ANYWAY, context... context...

Job Network finally ran out of patience, I suppose. They've been pretty lenient until now but I guess the Boss is riding my Case Worker's ass because out of nowhere, they've given me a month to find work or I have to go back into study. I have NO IDEA what the f*** I want to study. Like, only vague ideas, and I'm stressed about having to make a decision pretty f***in soon and getting myself tied into a course that I'm not even entirely sure I want to do, or a career path I don't even know if I want to pursue yet. And the thought of having to maybe travel to town or further is also stressing me like Yes, I could travel to the city, but I don't want to have to. But I may not have a choice since the local TAFE's don't offer much 'round here... And ya know, if they make me still look for work on top of it, as most places do... F***! *SCREAMS and yanks out hair*

Interior Design? Graphic Design? Hairdressing? Seeing if they'll let me study an Art of some kind? (doubtful, they want a career-orientated thing, here). I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, I DON'T F***IN KNOW. I feel like I'm sixteen years old again having to decide right here and now what I wanna do for the rest of my life, f***sake... And if they require me to do my SACE to get into things well f***ing just end me now, because I would rather DIE than do that high school sh*t again. Obviously not High School but I do not want to f***in do Math again, it doesn't click with me.

And like, just to make it even worse... I had personal plans this year. I've been working on my Art, trying to draw more frequently and was feeling good about it. And I have plans to buy a keyboard in a week or so when I get paid again and start teaching myself how to play. I was excited for a year of throwing myself into Music and Art, things that make me happy, because I have the time... well, HAD. If I start studying, bye bye. Energy gone, motivation gone, courses will drain me.

And it's just a whole lot of this really f***ing sucks and I am upset and stressed out and I feel like everyone's just too focused on the "Don't stress, look at your options" sh*t that they can't for one second actually let me voice my frustrations.