Journal # 14

Last night, Kenny came home and told me he wanted me to stay the night at my parents house. I don't really understand why. He told me it was because he wanted time to himself, but I was planning on working last night and would have been out of his hair. I kinda took offense to this because I never acted like that towards him. I ended up hanging out with my friend Korri and drinking wine. We hung out for hours. I'm surprised at how well I slept here. Lately my anxiety has been horrible at night. It makes no sense to me sometimes. When I'm sleeping in my own room at my parents house I sleep really well, but when I sleep at Kenny's house, I don't sleep as good. I know it's going to take some adjusting for me to feel completely comfortable and safe there. Eventually I will get comfortable and not constantly ruminate. That could also be my problem. I haven't been telling myself to stop ruminating like I did before. I had to constantly remind myself not to do that so I wouldn't freak myself out. I get the most anxiety at night time. I think that is because I would have sleep paralysis happen to me and it scared the sh*t out of me. My mom said I used to have night terrors when I was a child. That could be it too but whatever it was it freaked me the f*** out. It's very frustrating sometimes because I won't have a single worry in the world, and then all of the sudden out of nowhere my anxiety sneaks up on me again. I just wish that it would totally go away and never bother me again. I just want to be able to go to sleep without any anxiety. I should probably leave to go back to the house so that I can spend some time with my cat. Even though I was offended when Kenny said he wanted some alone time, it was kinda nice sleeping here. It turned out to be good for me. I slept really well last night. Probably because my mom was home this time around and I felt really safe. Sometimes when I am at Kenny's house and I have anxiety at night, I have to think of my mom to try and calm myself down. I don't understand why this is, but it works. Well, for the most part. I got to hang out with one of my friends though and have girl time. That was really nice. I enjoyed spending time with Korri. We even talked about that argument that we had had a few months ago and we squashed it. When I go over to Kenny's I'm probably going to read another chapter in my book. I love reading. Reading relaxes me and I feel like I accomplish something big whenever I finish a new book. I think I am going to start making daily goals for myself. Theres this other website similar to this one and facebook mixed together and I might use that website to set myself some goals to reach at the end of each week. It would be lovely to reach those goals! F*** it! I am going to do it! Well, it's about time for me to leave and head over to the house. I want to play sims for awhile and read a book. Time for me to pack my sh*t and head back over. I'm getting kinda bored here. I'm not used to be here alone with no one around. It's super lonely feeling. Talk to you later!