Life
Category: Real Life
Current mood:  adventurous

As hard as this is going to be, I'm going to try really hard to push myself to get out more(unless I forget cuz I do that). I want my old life back. I want to be able to find the girl who was super bubbly and outgoing. I'm sick and tired of my anxiety and seasonal depression controlling my life. It's getting to the point that I don't care about anything. Not even myself. That's not good! I need to take charge. If my mom can do it and my best friend can do it, then I can do it. Yea, it's going to be really really hard but I have to do it. If I keep hanging out with people, as time goes on it will get easier. Then when I am done with college and I have a job and money to move, I can move to Florida like I've been wanting to do for years now. By that time my anxiety shouldn't be an issue anymore and it's summer every day there so I won't have to worry about depression. I just need to remember that I can go home at any time, it's not like I have to stay there, esp if I get anxiety I'm sure my friends would understand. If I do it enough, I'll no longer get anxiety. Well, so I was told by a YouTuber who specializes in this stuff. I'm sure he's right on the money though because anxiety is infact a fear. Your afraid of something. What I'm afraid of, is getting anxiety while I'm hanging out with my friends (not my best friends), make a total fool of myself because I'm panicking, they don't know what to do, and I embarrass myself or I'm freaking out so bad that I can't drive home. The worst part about anxiety is that sometimes you don't know why you are scared and/or you are scared of sh*t that isn't logical but you can't seem to convince yourself that even though deep down, your aware it's not a logical fear. I wouldn't wish this disorder on my worst enemy because I've been suffering from it for over a year now. My anxiety medication stopped working and it's a very long process for a doctor to get you off of them. It sucks ass. Yes, I'm suffering from it, but I'm still going to at least try to get out more and be the old me again. The happy me.