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01/10/2018 08:30 PM 

..bad day.

I had a panic attack today.It was worse than the one I had yesterday.I felt it coming on in second lesson and I tried to ask to get out but the teacher didn't pay any attention to my hand in the air and by the time the lesson had ended I couldn't hold back my tears. I had to walk to the office and try not to bump into anyone and try not to let anyone see the state I was in, and when I got in there I just collapsed.It didn't stop for maybe half an hour - I couldn't speak or move my legs properly, I kept having spasms and hitting my head against the wall. I was in a cold sweat and my chest was so tight I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was going to pass out.I had to miss two lessons while the nurse gave me a lecture about how my anxiety's something I can control (it isn't) and how all I had to do was think positive. F*** OFF.I did, however, get an exit card so that I can leave the class and go to the nurse's office for a bit and calm myself down.It's so exhausting being put into fight or flight for so long every day, I can't handle it. I've been walking around like a zombie because no amount of sleep can prepare me for this. I really can't handle this anymore, I want it to go away..

anxiety, panic, vent


01/06/2018 01:34 PM 

[no subject]
Current mood:  cold

I know I don't miss her. She hurt me, she broke me. She made me feel like nothing.I miss being cared about. I miss having someone to talk to at 3 in the morning, I miss never being alone. I miss being so warm and full of light.I'm better off without her, but I feel so empty.

sad, rant


01/03/2018 07:08 PM 

The Worst Day Probably Ever
Current mood:  betrayed

SO. Obviously, by the title of this blog, you can probably tell that today I hadT H E  W O R S T  D A Y  P R O B A B L Y  E V E R  So first off, I woke up late today, I didn't have enough time to use 7 sticks of eyeliner on my face let alone 1, and i had to rush out the door. Thankfully, I DID have enough time to throw some piping hot apple cider into my Polar Camel mug, which will keep my beverages warm for a very long time (not sponsored lmao) I got on the bus this morning, with my piping hot cider, and we were almost to school. my bus takes a harsh turn, and hot cider spills on my thighs. That hurt like a Butt-cheek on a stick. The bus pulled up to the school, so i grabbed my slightly sticky cup, and walked toward the front of the bus when one of the middle schoolers was partly in the isle, and the bump was strong enough to spill hot cider all over my hands. nothing to help wake you up like burning sticky hands, right? So yeah, things were fine despite some hot liquid spilling all over, i was still pretty optimistic about the day. Then, a "friend", who i just kind of tolerate, we'll call him Nigel, Nigel comes over and sits next to me and starts complaining about how he just got rejected after being lead on for a month, like every other girl he tried to date (except for me because i told him the same day that i was romantically involved with someone else).  The bell rang for first period, and I went to French class. naturally of course, i sit in the wrong desk *Brain fart*, then when I actually get to my desk, I burn my tongue on hot cider, and later knock my knuckles on the desk really hard, by accident of course. Later in the class, I put my table's books away and crushed my hand under the books i was setting down. At this point, i knew that today was just going to be a big stroke of bad luck. I went to 2nd period, Chemistry, and i started doing the work that was assigned to me. When an office assistant came into the classroom with a note. My teacher gave me the note, and told me i could go down anytime i wanted. so i finished some more problems on our worksheet and walked down to the counselling office, where it told me to go. I get to the office, tell them that i'm here to see a Councillor, tell them which Councillor i came to see, and they send me in. Low and behold, with my luck (or lack of), i walk into the wrong Councillor's office so i walk out, explain that i was in the wrong office and that the other Councillor was with someone, so i would wait for her.  After waiting a few minutes, i look at my note, and out loud, say "wait... this note isn't even mine.". i had someone else's note. so the counselling office lady and i try and figure out who this is, and we find out that it's a teaching assistant. I started walking back to class, but my brain failed me again and i almost walked into my 3rd period class instead of my second period class. i handed the note back to my teacher, and he ran it to the other room to give it to the teaching assistant it belonged to.Basically, my bad luck ends in 2nd period, and it got better, but my day was pretty much ruined 

Unlucky, Bad day, worst day ever, it could be worse, luck, the worst day possibly ever,


01/03/2018 07:42 PM 

Hey Hey (ne ne)

If any of my friends actually show up on this blog that'd be cool 


01/02/2018 05:26 PM 

Current mood:  confused

Oh mah gawd. I AM CONFUSION! XD lol I made my account today x3 I heard more about this website over instagram (@cat_lawliet) and I wanted to make one :3 But i'm still just a little confused on how to use it XD


01/02/2018 05:43 PM 

I Miss You (poem)

You stayed over on New Year's Eve.It was really reassuring for me to wake up next to you, to feel your warmth emanating from the sheets, to feel warm breath on my neck as the sun came through the curtains.I get anxious when you leave the room to go the toilet. I get anxious when I can't see you in a room of people. I get anxious when you're more than an arm's reach from me.Imagine how I react every time you leave.I can't control it.I can't stop it.I miss you.I miss your lips on my forehead,I miss your hand holding mine,I miss your voice in my ear, whispering:telling me that it's going to be okay, that I'm going to get through it.I miss your arms- it seems cold without them.I miss your eyes, stars reflected in your irises, shining hazel just for me.I miss your freckles, stippled too closely to call them constellations, rather a galaxy of specks on your skin.I miss your laugh, warm and deep. I miss your jokes and how you repeat them until they're not funny anymore.And I can't distract myself, because when I try and think of something nice all that comes to mind is youAnd so I think of you- your skin, your lips, those scars that you promised me never to renew-It's Tuesday, and I miss you.

poem, poetry, sad


12/24/2017 07:06 PM 

Today's Emo Shuffle Playlist #4
Current mood:  angsty

1. A Decade Under the Influence- Taking Back Sunday2.  Back and to the Left- Texas is the Reason3. Stay Gone- The Get Up Kids4. 137- Brand New5. If I Could- Mineral6.  In Love With The Sound- The Saddest Landscape7. I'll Catch You- The Get Up Kids8. Never Meant- American Football9. Escape Plan- Tigers Jaw10. I'm a Pepsi Guy- Everyone Everywhere

emo, emocore, playlist, emo


12/23/2017 06:38 PM 

”revenge”- a poem
Current mood:  used

my bloodgoes blackwhen you speakmy tongue shakes my hands shakemy eyes blinkendlessly.this smileis heart is seton revenge.


12/23/2017 05:04 PM 

Today's Emo Shuffle Playlist #3
Current mood:  blah

1. Sink Into Me- Taking Back Sunday2.  Aquasun- Basement3. Dont Wait- Dashboard Confessional4. This Photograph Is Proof (I Know You Know)- Taking Back Sunday5. Money- Embrace6. The Leaving Song- AFI7. Escape Plan- Tigers Jaw8. Silver and Cold- AFI9. Stood A Chance- Taking Back Sunday10. Invalid Litter Dept.- At the Drive In(There was a lot of TBS in this playlist wow)

emo, emocore, playlist, music


12/22/2017 10:54 PM 

Faltered (Poem)
Current mood:  numb

I'm crumblingMy life is just an illusion of my own sick perceptionI can try to convince myself I am altruisticDeception...No matter how many times I am one, I will never truly believe itI am a monsterI am the image of what I hate the mostPredatory eyes stare back piercing my soulBlack like charcoalBut this time they're in my reflectionI am the object of subjection, no protectionMisdirection of articulate misconceptionsPatronizing, demonizing, terrorizing obsessionTo kill my sensesForce me into regressionKill the fear, kill the atmospherePlease just let me dissapearThe dark (He) calls my namePlease just let me go\In this moment of animosityChaos leads to disdainLet me drown in my own curiostyTake me to where I belong...

poem, emo, abuse, narcissism, narcissistic, sociopath, psychopath, fear, trauma


12/22/2017 08:19 PM 

Today's Emo Shuffle Playlist #2
Current mood:  crappy

1. Holiday-The Get Up Kids2. Green Couch- Blowout3. The Shaking of Leaves- Into It. Over It.4. Dancing Through Sunday- AFI5. Forever Got Shorter- Braid6. Why Did We Ever Meet?- The Promise Ring7. F*** Your Emotional Bullsh*t- Snowing8. I Can Be Afraid of Everything- The World is a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die9. Set Phasers to Stun- Taking Back Sunday10. The Leaving Song- AFI

Emo, Emocore, Playlist, Music


12/21/2017 06:24 PM 

Puzzles are great games have begun.Have fun, everyone who attempts.It is completely possible.


12/21/2017 10:07 PM 

Idk I had a good day
Current mood:  happy

I had a good day today and I just wanted to share it I guess ^~^After school finished I went to Greggs with my friends (their soup is AMAZING) and my friend got me a new potted plant for Christmas!! we went back to my house to play Wii and my boyfriend was there which was nice :3 We all played Wii together and I won the game! I just feel really happy and sleepy and aghh :3 How's everyone else's days been??


12/21/2017 02:37 PM 

Today's Emo Shuffle Playlist
Current mood:  angsty

Seven- Sunny Day Real Estatei'm back sleeping, or f***ing, or something- Moss IconAction & Action- The Get Up KidsGirl's Not Grey- AFINew Blood- Their/They're/ThereSame Shade as Concrete- Circle Takes the SquareA Praise Chorus- Jimmy Eat WorldA Jack With One Eye- Texas is the ReasonSomething That Matters-Merchant ShipsI'm Afraid of Everything- Braid

Emo, emocore, myspace, playlist, music


12/20/2017 09:29 PM 

My Top Ten AFI Songs
Current mood:  accomplished

Hello all! And welcome to my first ever blog on this new version of old school Myspace! Today, I will be discussing my top ten personal favorites from one of my most favorite bands: AFI (A Fire Inside). Now let's give a little background of my experiences with this band. I first heard AFI directly after the release of their sixth studio album DECEMBERUNDERGROUND, which landed on alternative charts that year (2006). The song I was exposed to was called 'Miss Murder', which was featured on one of the Guitar Hero games. My father burned a CD with a majority of the songs featured on the game and Miss Murder happened to be one of my favorites. I didn't really delve too much into AFI until I was around 15 years old. That winter was the first time I every listened to DECEMBERUNDERGROUND fully and learned to appreciate their music. Since then my love for AFI only grew so much more. I absolutely adore both the punk and emo days of AFI as well as the more gothy alternative stuff they have been releasing now. So anyways, here is my list counting down from 10 to 1! I hope you enjoy!10. Totalimmortal                                Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed codeIn the earlier days of AFI, their songs were had much more punk undertones. They were deemed by many as the horror punk kings of the 90's post-hardcore scene. What I love most about this song is the build up during the pre-chorus when Davey shouts "THIS RAGE, I CANNOT LET GO!". Then the music just slams into a mosh fueled sense of euphoria. And the live videos of this particular song makes AFI a must see band.9. Snow Cats                                Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed codeThis was the first single released from their newest self-titled album, also nicknamed "The Blood Album". When I first heard this after the weeks of teasing new music, I was instantly in love. It was much like a throwback to DECEMBERUNDERGROUND's sound. The lyrics are beautiful, and of course the way the instruments are played, their music still continues to pull on many heart strings.8. The Lost Souls                                Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed code"Look what you've done to me now! You've made me perfect!" This song is another one of those that really makes me want to get up and thrash. The intro to the song instantly pulls me in. I am a sucker for bass and drums. This song is definitely more gripped onto the punk roots the band is so well known for. Another song I just cant pass up.7. God Called in Sick Today                                Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed codeI am a total sucker for poetry. And this song is straight up one of the most powerful written I have ever heard by AFI. It really focuses on the darker tones of humanity. It is said by many this is the deepest AFI song ever written. I also play this on guitar quite often.6.  A Deep Slow Panic                                Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed codeI cant get over how f***ing awesome the instrumentals are in this album. It definitely has more of a goth rock vibe to it. The lyrics, yet again, are absolutely incredible and Davey's singing has evolved in a very good way. This is the only song on this list from the Burials album, but I was so driven to learn this song on guitar as well. A job very well done!!!5. ...but home is nowhere                                Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed codeHave you ever felt like that you just don't belong anywhere no matter where you were in the world? I went through that a lot, and I still feel like I don't belong. That I am just forgettable. I used to sit alone and sing along in tears to this song. This song spoke to me, from the intense emotional lyrics down to the symphonic choir that underlined this song. It helped me through a lot and even without the personal experiences, this song still holds up as so beautiful. This is the song that connected Sing the Sorrow with their next album DECEMBERUNDERGROUND. 3. The Days of the Phoenix                                Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed codeThis song all together is a masterpiece, I just had to include it in this list. This was a direct transition here from when the band went from their hardcore sound to emo. And many older fans HATED this song. It sparked a lot of controversy on the music scene. I myself love it and the meaning of the song reminds me of personal experiences. 2. Fall Children                                Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed codeReason 1 I like this song: Its so f***ing punk. Reason 2 I like this song: Davey pulls a "Danzig" shout in this song. Reason 3 I like this song, I am a fall child. Reason 4 I like this song: Its a Halloween song. Reason 5 I like this song: THE HARMONIZING IN THE BRIDGE. Need I say more? 1. A Single Second                                Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed codeRemember when I said I was a total sucker for bass and drums? Well that's exactly why I fell in love this song in the first place. I also adore Hunter's screaming of "memories dull my senses" during the chorus. You can just feel all of the intense emotion in this song. And they got Tiger Army to help perform this song live with them. How f***ing sweet is that?? This song is clearly from their punk days. I also heavily relate to these lyrics. Its my go to for AFI every single time.Honorable Mentions: This Time Imperfect, Endlessly She Said, Paper Airplanes, Bleed Black, I Hope You Suffer, Summer Shudder, The Boy Who Destroyed the World, I Wanna Get A Mohwak, The Leaving Song, Kiss and Control, Third Season.This list was so unbelievably hard to make. I had to pick and choose from so many of my favorites that this list actually made me feel a little pressured. Tell me, what's your favorite AFI song and why? Thanks for reading! I really hope the embed links worked.

AFI, A fire inside, Davey Havok, Jade Puget, Adam Carson, Hunter Burgan, emo, emocore, punk, horror punk, hardcore

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