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When I was a young boy My father took me into the city To see a marching band He said, son, when you grow up Would you be the savior of the broken The beaten, and the damned

The scars remind me the past is real i tear my heart open just to feel

       This weekend I am supposed to be going to meet my birth father. I have been waiting here for my boyfriend to get off of work for awhile now. He told me he was going to be getting off around 12 pm and it is 2:10 now. My birth father called me but I am really not in the mood to talk on the phone for very long. I decided to text him instead. Kenny thinks that he is going to bail on me or something. I never even thought about that until he brought it up. Thanks a lot Kenny. Now I feel like I should hold off on packing or anything now because I'm thinking he might cancel. I don't personally think that he would do something like that, but Kenny told me ya never know. This stinks! I hope that he is completely wrong because that would be really f***ing petty of him to do. This weekend has been planed for at least 2 weeks now. I really hope that I can still go. I was planning for a fun weekend with everyone. I haven't met anyone from my dads side of the family yet. Hell, I haven't even met my dad yet! It's way over due to meet him. I feel like I get a long better with him than I do with my birth mother. She doesn't have the same personality as I do.        I just heard from my bio dad and he said we could come down at any time but that we needed to get a hotel. He said he would help pay for one if we needed him too. I am so excited! I can't wait! I knew Kenny was wrong! He even sent me his address so if he was planning on doing the dip on me he wouldn't have given me his address. Even if it was a fake address, I doubt someone would stoop that low. That would be pretty f***ing bogus! I hope we get a hotel with a pool. Even if it's some basic ass pool. I haven't gone swimming in awhile and its really good exercise. I am taking a break for the weekend to not work out. I don't want people watching me. I might later at the hotel though. I have to figure out what we are going to be doing about the cats. I might just leave two big bowels of dry food out for them while were gone. My parents will be out of town this weekend so my parents couldn't come over and get the animals fed. I can't just leave wet food out it will go bad. I don't want them getting sick or anything. I worry about them. They are pretty much my children at this point.        I finally finished the book I was reading. Now I am reading "The Shack". My mom read it first and then gave it to me saying it was a really good book. So far I'm liking it. I'm not very far into the book right now though. I am only on chapter two. If you already like a book in the first chapter, then thats an indicator its going to be a really good book. I try to read a chapter or two every single day. I don't think there is ever a day that I don't read. I would much rather read a book than watch TV, that is until I can no longer focus on reading anymore.        Kenny's cat Princess, has been really friendly with me lately. I think shes finally getting used to me. I used to yell at her a lot and sometimes chase her around the house out of frustration when she scratched on the furniture. I stopped doing that though. Now I just use the spray bottle and then they go running. I don't have to really do much lol. As much as they frustrate me sometimes, I still love them to pieces. They are acting their age too lol. They are still children in the people world. They are both about two or three years old. Human toddlers, do the exact same thing my cats do. It's kinda funny if ya think about it. I'm much more patient now because it's not like they can understand what I am saying and I can understand what they are saying. That only happens once in awhile.        My self-esteem is finally back now. I have been getting hit on like crazy too! Guys are constantly giving me attention. Maybe I feel prettier because I am prettier? LOL! I have no f***ing idea. I doubt it. Anyways, I really feel myself. I don't feel super unattractive like I was feeling. It's been weird for me to get used to weighing the most I have ever weighed in my life which is 118 or so pounds. That's what it said the last time I weighed myself. I really want to. I hope that Kenny is off of work soon or is not home yet because he is going and cashing his check and sh*t. I was thinking about calling him but I don't want to get him in trouble at work. I think I will just wait awhile and then text him. I am getting rather tired though. I think I am going to lay down for awhile.        

If you haven't noticed my friend list is down to 6 because Ian is so longer my friend he told me i make him uncomfortable even though we have been friends for a long time. He could have told me a long time ago if i did. After all i did as well he dropped our friendship i've felt uncomfortable around him for a long time but i never ended it because i thought we were real friends. Turns out to be a dud.

HERRO!! THIS IZ MAI RANT ON DA 2019 SONIC MOVIE!!!I honestly think he lookz a little... WACKY??? Liek... he lookz liek Sonic but he also DOESNT??? Hez too realistic... SONIC SHOULDA BEEN MADE MOAR CARTOONY!!! LIKE DOZE OLD GAMEZ!!! THAT OR JUS DONT MAKE A LIVE ACTION SONIC MOVIE!!! HE LOOKZ KINDA CUTE BUT THE TEETH ARE WEEEIIRDD... JUS MAI OPINION!!! XD

       I am super excited for this weekend. Me and Kenny are going to go meet my birth father for the first time. I am super stoked. I am finally going to meet the guy who put me here. I have been talking to him through text and social media for about two years now and I feel like I am ready to meet him. I know my birth mother doesn't like him and all, but she doesn't understand him like I do. I have the same personality as he does. I really feel like I relate to my birth father more than I do my birth mother. Me and my dad just see eye to eye on pretty much everything and were both really misunderstood by other people. People always assume I am some big snobby bitch, but in reality I'm not. I'm just a little bit snobby. Hello? I'm a princess duh. Of course I am a little bit of a diva. Anyways, I have a lot of other good qualities that others don't know I have. I have a huge f***ing heart and I care about other peoples well-being and their feelings. When I was in jail and another girl in my sell was crying I would go over to her and ask her if she was ok or if she needed anything. I'm like the perfect amount of everything.       I finally met Korri's boyfriend last night. He does not look 40 at all. I think he looks younger than my boyfriend even. I don't know though. I could have sworn she said he was 40 but I could be wrong. He seemed pretty chill though. He was able to pass my crazy friend test lol. I was f***ed up one night and I was having a moment where I was acting really funny and weird and he seemed to take it pretty well. So far, he has survived the friend test. Now he just needs to hang out with me and Korri when we are drinking, because thats when me and Korri get weird in a good and funny drunk and high sort of way. My nick name is Snooki if that explains anything.       I've been really feelin myself lately. Ever sense I got out of jail, I have felt a huge amount of confidence in myself. I feel sexy now. I don't know what caused me to all of the sudden feel like a million bucks every day, but it is a good feeling. I mean, I know I am a pretty girl. I have always been that girl that guys wanted really badly, and my dating history is a long one, but sometimes you still get insecure. You could be the hottest girl on the planet and still feel ugly at times. Now that I am out of jail, I feel much more attractive. I have cloths now that actually fit me properly, and I just look really good.        I feel like ever sense I started smoking weed again, my life has been much better. Me and my boyfriend hardly ever fight anymore. I mean, we have fought a couple of times sense I have gotten out of jail, but not the the point it used to be. We used to get into fights every single day. Now, I am always so chilled out that the only time we fight is once in awhile. I wish it would completely stop though. I can't deal with fighting so much. I just want to get along. Kenny really needs to work on picking his battles sometimes. Fighting is exhausting and just negative bad energy that I don't want or need right now. I just got out of jail a week ago. I want to enjoy life. Not be miserable in it.        I am totally obsessed with this new song called "High End" by Future and I am f***ing crazy about it. I love the song and the music video is super trippy. I like it a lot. Chris brown looks so f***ing dope in it. He looks like a sexy demon. Its like super dark. The dark energy around it is super f***ing black! It's so dark that you wouldn't be able to see a thing if you were inside of the song lol. I can't help but like it though. I keep listening to it over and over and over again cuz I just like it that much.        I was thinking about bringing myself back to being really out there on social media again. This time around though, I will not be posting negative sh*t for attention. This time it will be good stuff. I don't know though. I might not. It is a lot of work being liked on social media. People expect the best out of you all the time.         I love getting high. I wish I could smoke 100$ of weed in only a few days lol. I would love being high. I was pretty much sober for like two years besides drinking once in a blue moon so I think my body feels like its deprived of smoking weed. I just want to smoke and smoke and smoke and never stop. Sometimes I smoke so much that I smoke myself sober. I hate it when that sh*t happens. Total f***ing stoner problems. I smoke more than I drink. I have defiantly grown out of my drinking phase finally. I would rather smoke weed than get drunk. I still drink some times but nearly as much as I used to. I used to get drunk almost every single night for like a month.        My hair is getting healthier and healthier. I can just tell by the way it feels when I touch it. I think that I look super good with black hair though too. It is a lot less damaging to your hair if it is dyed black vs being bleached until it is almost white. I do plan on going back to almost white hair, but I don't plan on doing that any time soon. I might end up really liking having black hair. Regardless of my choice, it will still look good.  I can pretty much pull off any hair color. My favorite hair colors are black, platinum blonde, or brown. I decided that I am no longer dying the ends of my hair. I will only be dying my roots. This might change depending on how the ends of my hair wash out. I am hoping that they will wash out into a brown color. It might look really cute. I have never had my hair ombre before so it would be a totally new look for me. I think it could end up looking really cute. I mean, eventually all of that hair is going to just get cut off anyways, so why should I care about the way the ends of my hair look? As long as most of my hair looks good, then I don't really care. I am really not into dying my hair like I used to be. I used to want my hair to be all these cool different colors. Now? I hate having to take the time to dye my hair. I don't mind doing it, but I no longer do it for fun. I just dye my hair to keep up my on point appearance.   I don't dye my hair anymore because I think it's fun. I have had my hair every single possible color you can think of including yellow and green. It just got old. I got sick of the hair dye not staying in my hair and washing out within a week. I want something that will last, and is also a normal color. I feel like dying your hair funky colors at my age is childish now, because thats all I did when I was in high school. I thought I was so cool with colored hair because no one else was doing it at my school. Now several years later people are dying their hair crazy colors? Get read people. My old friend Deandra just dyed her hair these two vibrant purple colors and to me it makes her look childish. She looks less mature. I don't know. I guess its because doing that stuff was cool in high school back when I was doing it. Now, its just stupid to do. The colors never stay in long enough. I mean, it would be one thing if she had a normal color and a funky color together, but not two funky colors. Nothing personal to her at all, I just I just don't like her new hair color on her. She should of dyed it red again like she used to do all the time instead of doing those colors. I always liked her red hair. It looked super pretty on her. I don't know why she stopped. Red is such a pretty color. https://youtu.be/M020Ajhkojg?list=RDM020Ajhkojg(The Song I Mentioned)       Ok, back to the discussion about my hair. I really think it will look cute. It gets kinda annoying having to recolor your hair every month. The ends of my hair don't hold the color very well because they have been dyed a lot. I don't know how old the ends of my hair are, but I know they are old enough. I kinda feel like trying something new with my hair too. I don't necessarily want to dye my hair a different color, I just want it to wash out to like a brown or some sh*t. It could look really f***ing cute all faded out and everything. Underneath all of this dye is almost white blonde hair. I could probably let that sh*t fade for a really long ass time until it no longer holds any color in it. I am going to start dying my roots once every inch of hair that grows out. I am the type of person that likes to keep up on my roots. Basically, my plan is to just keep dying my roots and let the black wash out at the ends. This will cause it to have an ombre look and eventally all that dead hair will just be cut off and the black in my hair will stay in my hair much much longer because all of that hair will be super healthy. Get the point?       So sense I have been gaining some weight, I have been having to go through my cloths and get rid of stuff that doesn't fit me. I plan on getting rid of all the cloths that are too small for me and then replacing them with a new one that is brand new from Hollister. They took down the store they had at the east towne mall, so now I am forced to just order what they have online. I like to go and try stuff on and then decide weather I want to buy it or not. I am looking forward to getting a brand new Hollister wardrobe started. It is going to keep growing and growing over time. I don't know why I didn't start doing this awhile ago. Screw goodwill! I mean, I still shop there and probably always will, but sometimes its nice to get a brand new shirt.                    

i have been very very busy lately and have not been able to log on due to work and personal stuff i'm back though and my birthday is this Saturday 

One thing that irritates me a lot is that gays basically appropriated the rainbow lol... and heres what i mean. I can't rly just like rainbowz because it's my aesthetic or anything at all. Everyone when I mention I love rainbows to them or I'm wearing rainbows or my blog has rainbows on it... they're all like "PRIDE" this and "GAY" that. Dont get me wrong.. I dont have a problem with lgbt ppl at all, its just idgaf about gender and sexuality. Be what u are and i'll be what I am, I just rly dont give a f*** about who I like sexually until I'm horny lol It's just really annoying to me that I cant like rainbows without it meaning gay or whatevs. Ya'll on here are a lot more chill than the ppl on tumblr so maybe some of you can relate too, idk

I've had enoughThis world is pushing and pulling at me;it's tearing me to shreds and there's nothing left to seeno matter how hard I try to take my life backa new wave crashes in and resets my progressI'm not sure how much longer I can take this.save me now or forever obsessbecause soon it'll all be too much for meand all that will remain are your miserable memories of what used to beit's alright.see you in another life.

Full Name:- Georgia is enough lolBirthday: - 05/04/1992Birthplace: - Wagga WaggaEye Color: - BlueHair Color: - BrownHeight: - 5'4"Weight: -  unsureRight handed or Left handed? - RightYour Heritage: - AustralianMy Worst Habit: - Overthinking and expressing my overthinking Zodiac Sign: - AriesShoe Size: - 7Pants Size: - 10Innie or Outie? - InnieParents Still Together? - NoThe Shoes You Wore Today: - Vans slides with socks like every beach bogan should on a SaturdayYour Weakness: - FoodYour Fears: - MortalityYour Perfect Pizza: - loaded with veg, spicy, garlic loaded, wood fired-I want pizza nowGoal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: - Pass my classes Your Most Overused Phrase On An Instant Messenger: - I don't know?Thoughts First Waking Up: - What time is it...Your Best Physical Feature: - Eyes maybeYour Bedtime: - Whenever I feel like sleeping Your Most Missed Memory: - I don't dwell too much, I feel nostalgic about being 15 but it was honestly pretty sh*t at the time lol but i'd say being in Japan with my boyfriend, we had the best time, I often think about it and want to go backMY FAVORITES Favorite color? - YellowFood? - Pasta, pizza, vego chocolate, cake, burgers, home made bread, there's just so muchSport?- SkateboardingAnimal? - CatsIce Cream? - Ben and Jerry's seven layer barCandy? - ChocolateStore? - Wholefood store? lolSalad Dressing? - I usually just drissle lemon lolActor? - No ones really on my radar atmActress? - Same I guess? like there's lots of people I like I just don't want to pick lolSong? - Desert Song - MCRLetter? - L  Number? - I don't really have a favGum? - I stopped eating gum because it would get stuck in my teeth, my tooth is fixed now but it still grosses me outHoliday? - Halloween, even though it's pretty lame here in AusSeason? - Autumn, so now!Toothpaste Flavor? - Spearmint?Radio Station? - Triple JPerfume? - I don't often wear it but I love wearing Aesop body cream stuff it smells amazing Scent besides perfume? - Something delicious cookingFRIENDS AND LIFEWhat Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up? - Content and peacefulHow Do You Want To Die? - Peacefully and readyTurn ons: - Confidence/charisma, eyes, smile, sense of humor, nice hair, well dressed, compassionate, open minded, adventurous.Turn offs: - Rudeness, ignorance, not taking responsibility for yourself, bad hygiene, eating animals lol.Which One Of Your Friends Acts The Most Like You? - Litterally don't have them lol I mean I have distant friends that I see on social media but not people that I talk to or see regularly. Who Makes You Laugh The Most? - LiamWho Have You Known The Longest? - I mean I guess my parents lolWhen Have You Cried The Most?- When my friend took his lifeWhat Is The Best Feeling In The World? - Feeling freeWorst Feeling? - Anxiety about something out of my control Where Do You Want To Live When You Grow Up? - Well I adore where we live now, but I may have to move to get a job in ecology somedayIf You Could Change One Thing About You What Would It Be? - I wish I were more carefree, I want to be able to live more in the moment and enjoy things because my mind can really dictate the way I feel and behave and I don't often like that FINISH EACH SENTENCE What a nice - assWhere did all the - chips go?Silly, little - dingdongNever under any circumstance - eat my foodI wish - I had some cakeEveryone has a - storyI am - chillHAVE YOU EVER Been In Love?- YesBeen To Juvie?- NoMooned Someone?- No Been Rejected?- YesRan Away From Home?- Not really I said I was a couple times and just walked to the skate park lolPictured Your Crush Naked? - YesSkipped School? - YesThought About Suicide? - YesSlept Outside? - YesLaughed So Hard You Cried? - YesCried In School? - YesWanted To Be a Model? - NahCheated On Someone? - I kissed someone else when in a relationship when I was in highschool, felt terrible, confessed straight away and broke it offSeen A Dead Body? - YesDrank Alcohol? - YesEaten Sushi? - Yes only VegBeen On Stage? - YesGone Skinny Dipping? - NoShoplifted? - NoBeen Beaten Up? - YesDO YOU Swear? - Quite oftenSing Well? - NoooShower Daily? - Yeah usuallyWant To Go To College? - Yeah I am currently in 2nd yrWant To Get Married? - Yes but not in the traditional senseBelieve In Yourself? - It fluctuates Get Motion Sickness? - YesThink You Are Attractive? - Sometimes.Get Along With Your Parents? - yesLike Thunderstorms? -  Yes! but I feel bad for my kitties, they hidePlay An Instrument? - Not anymore, I used to play guitarOwn An IPOD? - Yes I still have my ipod classicPray? - NoGo To Church? - NoSleep With Stuffed Animals? - NoKeep A Journal/Diary? - Not a physical one, just tumblr and hereDance In The Rain? - I don't make a habit of it, coooold Sing In The Shower? - Nah not often THIS OR THATPepsi or Coke? - Coke. But Pepsi is a nice change, I don't often drink either thoughSingle or Group Dates? - EitherChocolate or Vanilla?- ChocolateStrawberries or Blueberries? - StrawberriesMeat or Veggies? - Veggies :)TV or Movie? - TVGuitar or Drums? - DrumsAdidas or Nike? - Don't care for eitherChinese or Mexican? - Too hardCheerios or Corn Flakes? - I don't think i've had cheeriosCake or Pie? - CakeMTV or VH1? - MTV Boxers or Briefs? - Boxer briefs CAN YOUDo The Splits? - Not anymoreWrite With Both Hands? - Yeah but one is a lot betterWhistle? - Yes but I HATE when people whistleBlow A Bubble? - YesRoll Your Tongue In A Circle? - YesCross Your Eyes? - YesWalk With Your Toes Curled? - YesTouch Your Tongue to Your Nose? - NoEat Whatever You Want And Not Worry? - Kinda but not reallyWHO WAS THE LAST PERSONYou Touched: -LiamYou Talked To On The Phone:-TobyYou Instant Messaged: - TobyYou Hugged: - Marceline You Yelled At: Probably my cats for being mischief-You Played A Sport With: - I skated a while ago? hahaTime You Laughed? - I had a mad meme scroll so only very recently lolTime You Cried? - Pops funeralMovie You Watched? - Avengers TV Show You Watched? - ShamelessFlavor Of Gum You Chewed? - None.Joke You Told?- I find jokes really awkward RIGHT AT THIS MOMENTWhere Are You? - DeskWhat Can You See Out Your Window? - It's night time, but the ocean :)Are You Listening To Music? - I have lofi chill beats on in the backgroundWhat Are You Wearing? - pj's and a big sweaterBELIEFSDo you believe there is life on other planets? - ForsurrrDo you believe in miracles? - NahMagic? - Not in the conventional sense..Love at first sight? - Attraction at first sight? sure. When I met my boyfriend for the first time I was insta drawn to him and later found out he felt the same (we were friends for a couple yrs first)God? - Not in the monotheistic sense, I believe god is life, natureGhosts? - Yes but it freaks me out because I don't understand itSanta? - SureEvolution? - Yes omgIN A BOY... Fav Eye Color: - Hazel or green, but honestly it depends because I am so in love with my boyfriends blue eyesFav Hair Color: - Dark? I dunno these are so dependant haha Short or Long Hair: - short-longish?Height: - I prefer tall, but it doesn't really matter. Liam is very tall it's pretty cool.Weight: - I tend to go for the skinny bois lol (not intentionally) but it doesn't matterBest Clothing Style: - Casually fashionable, skatewear RANDOMWhat Country Would You Most Like To Visit? - Japan againYour Good Luck Charm: - I don't have oneHow many pillows do you sleep with? - oneDo you drink milk? - No f*** cows milk, if you're talking soy or coconut, yasPerson You Hate Most: - I don't hate anyone reallyMost Outdated Phrase: - Honestly can't thinkDo you think God has a gender? - No.Where do you think we go when we die? - UnsureHow many rings until you answer the phone? - I won't answer unless it's family or Liam anyone else can leave a dang message, i'll just answer when I see itWhat is something scientists need to invent? - Well it seems as though it wouldn't matter what scientists invent or reveal because anything useful isn't taken seriously anyway looool (climate change anyone?)If you could travel into space, where would you go?I don't know I haven't been? hahaWhat is the worst weather? - cold and miserableDid you play with Barbies as a child? - Kind of, I dressed them and swapped clothes with friends (Bratz dolls mostly) but never role playedHow many grades have you failed?- I don't think i've ever failed unintentionally

I'm a bit late to the party (unless you count my MSN blog post) but I've had an idea:In spirit of 20-nine-scene, we should have a form of expression. Thus, safety pins!Here the idea:We wear safety pin in specific places of our bodies as a form of "code language" lemme explain...-pin on the collar    A pin on the collar can mean that they are simply scene / emo (you'd probably be able to tell either way but mehh)-a pin on the sleeve     A pin on the sleeve can mean that the wearer uses friendproject and would like to make new friends on it. You may also consider telling other people how this website is way better than Facebook lmao.Okay so you get the idea! Feel free to add new places to wear your pins and their meanings in the comment section (:Edit:It would be super cool if we could possibly get this outside of friendproject! So please consider spreading the word :D

       Wow do you guys have a lot to catch up on sense the last time I wrote. I just got out of jail on Monday. Me and my friend Korri had gotten caught stealing from Walmart. The cops checked the price of all of the stuff we had stolen together and it equaled five hundred and seven dollars. Because of the price of all of it together, they had to arrest us. If they had gone through and separated our stuff out it would have only been a ticket to pay. They didn't want to take the time to sort through who stole what so they just arrested us.       In the holding cell, Korri and I were in tears and hugging each other. We were terrified of being in jail. Neither one of us had a bail either so we knew we would be in there for a little while. When I went to jail the first time, I had a bail posted so that I could get out that same day. This time around, we did not have a bail. We had to stay in jail until our court date. Me and Korri were in there for close to three days.        After doing all of the finger prints, talking to doctors, and taking your mug shot, they finally took me to a jail sell. There were probably a total of eight people in that room. The room had about six bunk beds, a shower, toilet, sink, phone, small TV, and a lunch table in the middle of the room. This was going to be where I was staying for the next few days. As I walked into the room, I said hello to everyone. It was weird having all the attention on me. One of the women asked me what I was in trouble for and then pretty soon after that, we were all having conversations. I ended up meeting a girl who was around my age. Our bunk beds were right next to each other's. We both slept on the top bunk, which didn't have a railing by the way.        Most of us women got along in that room. There was just one girl in particular that no one liked and her name was Krystal. This girl just loved to hear herself talk and run her mouth. This girl kept telling everyone that it wasn't her fault that she was in there. She wouldn't own up to her mistake. She told everyone that her mother-in-law forgot to cancel something on her credit card so the rental place said that Krystal stole the car when really, Krystal just stole a rental car. This bitch had like three f***ing stomachs too.        I would have to say that the worst part about being in jail is not getting your prescription medication right away. I didn't get any of my medication until the last day I was in jail. It should be illegal to keep someone from their medications. I went through such bad withdrawal from not having any of my medication for days. I was experiencing a tone of typical symptoms when someone is going through a drug withdrawal. My hands felt clammy, my body was shaking, I was hot one minute and cold the next, I felt super weak, could not stop sweating, my poop was green and yellow, and the list goes on. It was horrible! The only time my body felt normal was when I was in the shower.        At one point, J.J. cornrowed her own hair and several of us asked her if she could do our hair and I was one of them. She did mine and it was super cute. I really want to learn how to do my hair like that. We have talked a few times now sense we have gotten out and plan to hang out this weekend. She said she would teach me how to do it like she does and a few other things I wanted to learn how to do from her. I feel like sense we were closer in age, me and J.J. bonded the most. There was one point where Krystal was attacking me about something petty and she ended up snapping on her like hard core and defending me. That Krystal girl was just really f***ing jealous of me. I was the prettiest girl there besides J.J. Me and J.J. kept talking about how when we got out of jail that we were going to get high as sh*t lol. I told her we should smoke together some time. She was totally down.        When I was in jail, I kept having to use the toilet because I had the nervous sh*ts. I have never been one to be able to use the bathroom in front of people. I can usually pee but not sh*t. Sense I have been in jail, that has all changed. I no longer care. I have seen everyone in there naked, I have seen them use the toilet, there is really no boundaries in there.        Sense this was my first time staying longer than 4 hours, I was really scared. I thought that I would end up panicking because I couldn't get any of my medication. I have severe anxiety, so this means I am extra sensitive. I really did good in there though. I am really proud of myself. I didn't freak out and panic at all. I cried a lot and moped around, but that's about it. I didn't get much sleep in there, but I was okay.        The best part of my day was talking to my boyfriend and my parents. I would call them both several times a day. It felt nice to talk to them and get reassured several times a day that you are going to be okay. Giving you hope that you will get out of jail in a few days instead of being stuck in there for a good while. I was only in jail for about three days and it felt like a week.        I always felt like I could never get clean when I was in there. I always felt disgusting and sweaty. The deodorant they gave us would make us smell worse than if we weren't wearing any deodorant. We were also given one outfit. Imagine sweating constantly in the same cloths with no deodorant. It was terrible! Most of the guards were really mean too. You would talk to them through the door for whatever reason you needed them for and they would treat you like you were scum and didn't deserve to exist. None of us were ever mean to the guards either. They would just be rude all the time for no reason at all.        On our last day there, me and Korri finally get put in the same sell together. I was getting ready to take a nap when I hear Korri say my name. I turn around and see Korri! I jump out of  bed and hug her. I had missed her so much! We had barely gotten to talk at all sense we had gotten there. Once Korri was in the same sell as me and all the lovely ladies I had grown to love, jail was getting a little easier and easier. I talked and talked and talked with Korri and it made the time go faster. Soon enough, we would also get out of jail.        I defiantly learned my lesson being in there. I really did. I don't want to ever get into trouble like that again. I really don't. It was horrible being in there. They treat you like animals. The food was the most horrible thing I have ever tasted in my life! The medication withdrawal was horrible too! I need to get my sh*t together and stop breaking the law. I don't want to ever go through that ever again. The conditions in there are horrible and so nasty. I am so happy to be home with my animals and my boyfriend again. I have really missed them. You don't realize how easy you got it until it is taken away from you. Hopefully someone is reading this and I can make a difference so that someone else doesn't have to go through what I went through. Jail is not the place that you want to be!       Today is a much better day. Kenny is giving me 100$ to go shopping again. Just completely out of the blue. He doesn't have to do that for me but he does. We have talked about marriage. When I was in jail it made me realize how much I loved him and I want to be with him. I don't want to be with anyone else other than him.        I have been trying to learn dance moves by watching the game "Just Dance" you YouTube. I want to learn the dance just to learn the dance. I always loved dancing and singing growing up. I was defiantly born to entertain. I want to also do it because dancing is a work out. That is why dancers are all skinny. It's a work out to dance. 

in the mornings I can't wake up well.I'm never cheery, or smiley or happy.forget the past tense, but I guess I fell,It's not my fault my brain doesn't work properly.I never want to face the sunlight.I never want to see my face.I don't want to have to put up a fight.I don't want this game anymore.So I'll feast on all the things I've been told not to;In hopes tomorrow I won't have to see myself in the mirrorPlease don't worry about me, for I haven't you.One day I'll be on the other side of the ground, and you'll be okay with that.

today i felt things (anger) since i was being a dummy that wasn't doing my homework and got interrupted when i was going to start doing it and i got super yelly at mouse on call and stuff and rose left before i got to that point and i can hardly remember what i did to do that cos i just get interrupted with anger memories. i think i was just being argumentative? and not doing anything with my time. i needed to gear myself up for it or whatever and it wasn't at the right time and i think i did pretty good with writing it afterwards and there wasn't a need to get as angry as i did which is unfortunate cos i made everyone around me sadhow much emotion feeling is normal? i cant super tell what im feeling most of the time unless it results in a physical sensation like that anger did i think but most of the time i cant put a face to an emotion name. apparently stress is any negative emotion thing (anger, sadness, fear) and not just emotions and situations that make you need to scream wordlessly (anxiety, fear)? i should maybe be able to know this definition inherently and i do not like that it is not inherent. i dont want to waste dad's money on trying to get me other therapist-like people in order to make me able to know if im feeling emotions properly since the psychiatrist is most likely useless for that and isnt trustworthy anyway and we dont see the gender therapist psychologist often enough to double dip on what skills he may have with this.after i was angry, i kind of ran out of energy and took either a half nap or a real nap - i dont remember if i went to sleep properly since i could still remember all of the MBMBaM episode i was listening to at the time. i think that the anger may have been a meltdown? it would have been due to a scheduling shift up that i was not used to or had full knowledge over what was happening with, and i guess it would lend more credence to a diagnosis befitting of it. but it just means im even more of a burden than before.dads coming home soon since blazing swan just ended, so i may be going back home. part of why he went up early was to save on food costs since he'd just be eating from the kitchen there and not buying new food for the actual house. i dont want to be a waste of money with my behaviours and stuff.i think theres something worrying about how i can stay up this late to write this and im planning on taking my meds tomorrow to do more homework too. all nighters with stimulants seem bad. this does not seem good. i dont know if ive actually got adhd or if i got it in post since i was hyperactive once at the psychiatrist's and she hooked me up right away. im useless without them now anyway, i can hardly do anything productive when i havent taken them. is that learned helplessness or an actual requirement or what?god i would like to not do like school or work things with my life. im not that sort of person, i dont think i could do that. i cant get myself hooked up with a job cos im autistic as hell re:that and i cant focus good enough to do anything productive in school all i need to do is get myself a plane ticket and a road trip to pick up rose and mouse and im all set for life

This, apparently, is my first blog post! -sPiNnLeS!!