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Holden

09/18/2021 10:48 PM 

hjkfkhakshk????

I AM DOWN ASTRONOMICALLY BADok so i was hanging with my roommate (real douchey jock type yanno) cuz I had nothing better to do. He was getting ready for a date and I asked who, turns out its this chick that I hung out with over the summer a while back. After he said that I just couldn't stop thinking abt her, its like her name kept repeating in my head. I wanted to go down and say hi to her but I totally wussed out. Its like she was the only thing on my mind. then my roommate asks me to do some of his English home work and I (yet again) had nothing better to do, so I ended up writing this rly bummer composition abt my dead brother. so yeah, that's how my night went. -Holden 

Holden

09/18/2021 06:13 PM 

my playlist

hey guys i made a spotify playlist to see if anyone likes the same stuff I do (its all kinda indie/underground so I don't blame u if u have never heard of them haha)here it is-Holden

pee

09/18/2021 06:35 PM 

sleepy2

oopsie i forgot how easy staying up be once u actually start doin stuff during the dayspooky as hek bro not a fananyways budg 9ceszr 86 pvsumay consider a short 8 hour nap!x/3

Holden

09/18/2021 05:24 PM 

first post

hey everyone,im just gonna use this to rant abt my feelings n junk cuz I don't have a therapist haha. -holden

snoopdoggsbride

09/18/2021 10:37 AM 

hush

i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i don't like you i wish i didn't like you

tokyo</3

09/18/2021 11:13 PM 

bruh

man I wanna kms so bad but I won't because I care what happens to my family and how they'd feel if I was gone. and part of the reason is my dog... he loves to eat my things, bite me, and just terrorize me like youre supposed to be guarding us not being a menace... he sheds so much and burns up all of our money for what? for him him to just bite us and eat our things like god I hate him. another reason is my siblings they're always on each others sides so im alone I can barely do things because im "mean" to them and im not saying im not but in my defense i give them mercy i could be WAAAY meaner. theyre so annoying and i hate my life and i always bore my friends w my probs so i dont want to call and plus i really only have maybe 4-5 friends so i could understand if theyre annoyed of me. so yeah! i think im going into an episode and ive been clean for months so i dont want to ruin that and the only other coping mechanism i have is to rearrange my room but i did that yesterday and i like how it looks. yknow what im gonna go figure out how to bkeach my eyebrows without bleach or do my makeup... thats a healthy coping mechanism.. yup gonna go do that BYEE XP

sonyaericsson

09/18/2021 05:07 PM 

physick
Current mood:  ditzy

i am kinda frustrated by the upcoming exams. there are lots of easy problems which could take all your energy and you won't be able to write the main part successfully. and you need to do everything perfectly to have a chance for studying at a decent university uhhh ok i hope everything will be great. at least i could always become better through practice 

school, exams, physics

snoopdoggsbride

09/18/2021 07:01 AM 

wish i had a flip phone

clar called earlier asking if i could go to a party with her and some people she wants me to meet. sounds all fine and dandy but its like she sees me as like idk like a purse dog or something. its always someone she wants me to meet which i love meeting people but when it comes to the people she wants me to meet its always some friend of hers that is looking for someone to date. ..... i think i'll pass on that one again. like i just met this girl in school and i think her and i will get along well and stuff but like ? why are you so invested in who im talking to? i told her i would think about going to the party and she just kept being so pushy. she asked why i wasnt too keen on going on a date thingy with her friend and i just told her i was already talking with someone. she kept pushing and asking who it was but i didnt wanna tell her. i swear if i had a flip phone i wouldve shut that thing down so fast

pee

09/18/2021 06:48 AM 

sleep/

c/o   d/fhatred. I cannot sleep once more!this is horridnot worth getting worked up about but i may just force myself to stay up til tmr evening, get that all nighter sleep tmr anyways im thinking about what to do in that time, alas nothing seems appealing. a shame reallywell good morrow all

rain

09/17/2021 11:56 PM 

alzheimer's.

So, my 90-ish year old grandma has Alzheimer’s. She’s broken her leg multiple times and keeps forgetting that her leg is in shambles, which leads to her damaging it further. When I talked to her on the phone the other day, she asked me how the weather was a total of four times in seven minutes. I’d tell her then she’d almost immediately forget. I was trying not to cry the whole time. Last night my mom was talking to my dad about how my grandma is aware that she’s forgetting things and that she’s very unusually aggressive. I think she was crying.My biggest fear is that happening to me. I hate the thought of forgetting everything and losing myself. What’s worse is the little moments of awareness, a clear sky peeking through the suffocating clouds only to be hidden once again. It's terrifying, knowing full well that you're quite literally losing your mind. This is why I want to die young. Sure, it’ll be tragic, but at least I’ll still be me. 

good soup 👌

09/17/2021 11:52 PM 

x

CHOKED ON WATER GN THIS IS THE END FOR ME

rambles

good soup 👌

09/17/2021 11:50 PM 

x
Current mood:  amused

this site goes from funneee emo scene teens wanting to have the myspace experience and then "Liam, age 43"

rambles

Shiva

09/17/2021 11:34 PM 

New Laptop
Current mood:  accomplished

My Brother Is Playing FNFFree Gifts + Unboxing

Gaming

Gab

09/17/2021 11:27 PM 

feelin weird
Current mood:  sad

Well, it's been a long time. I'll leave all the updating aside, since this blog is for me to vent and such.Anyway, let's get into it.A while ago I had written a ficticious dialogue between me and an old teacher of mine. We had a very close relationship where I leaned on him heavily for supported and trusted him completely and utterly. Later on, he accused me of lying but never said why. Our relationship had ended there. I was never sure why he did that or what he had thought I lied about. Even still to this day, I am unsure.These past seven, eight years I've thought about him a lot. I always have. I couldn't grapple witht the fact that things had ended the way they did. I racked my brain for a reason why he accused me of lying, but it didn't matter as I would never know what was the real reason. I had always felt like he and I would see each other again, at some point. Whether we bumped into each other, worked somewhere together, or anything else. I always knew my path would lead to him again...This past tuesday I saw him. I am working at the school he is still at (now the principal) at least one day a week. I am not working closely with him, but obviously I will be seeing him.When he first came into the room I was, he greeted me. I was surprised he called me by my nickname and not my full name (which almost zero people call me). He asked about college and such. I couldn't even look at him. I averted my gaze and focused on the paperwork I had to fill out. I was nice, of course. I had to be.Later in the day, he spoke to me again. There was a brief exchange, a bit of our old banter, and then he left. I hate myself for letting things feel normal. It almost didn't feel like we had this heavy history between us. It almost felt like things ended on good terms. I suppose I am going to be seeing once a week most likely. I might be there more...I'm not sure just yet.All this time I've been saying I wished I could have one more chance to speak with him and here I have it. I fear that he will run and ask my mom (also works at the school) why the hell I am pressing him about something that happened almost a decade ago. I can't believe I'm going to waste this oppurtinity. How can I possibly look at him and talk to him without blurting out something I'll regret? I'm so angry with him and I just want answers, but there I was warming up to his charm. Perhaps he thinks I've forgotten all about it.But I haven't. I still question why he turned his back on me. I still defend him whenever someone bashes him but just as quickly I bash him when someone defends him.My mom said he cared a lot about me and tried his best. I think he lied to her. I'm not sure I ever fully explain what happened between us. 

pee

09/17/2021 08:42 PM 

coffe.
Current mood:  numb

wmz s tcpv c odnqf 4esg i t25ethis blows, anyways got coffee so i suppose that makes things better, o well. hope yall are good. feeling... void




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