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01/18/2021 07:11 PM 

Current mood:  cheerful


unlucky mikey

01/18/2021 05:34 PM 


when will this cut scab over?it feels like i've been bleeding for centuries.everything i love’s been stained a dark red,and it's getting harder to wake up.if this cut was fatalI’d be dead ten times over,but mercy has yet to meet me.i live to die,and i each dayi wake knowingi have one less to go.maybe if god were to send me an angel things would change,maybe i could learn to live to live.god and fate are lies anyway.if i were just a little youngermaybe i could die for/of this.some kind of f***ed up martyrproving love doesn't exist.i wish i had a crystal ballso i could memorise my first i could see you.just once.or will i die in the cold?bleeding and alone and spiraling down screaming about how i knew this was how it was all going to end.after all,someone has to die this way,and i can’t seem to believe that i’d find the medicine i need.i never fit the criteria for any of them.i’m going to strip back this metaphor nowto tell you that i have issues with the way i look and sound and feel.and i’m not sure i can see past any of them.i think that i could write this until the end --whether that be the end of life, or the end of pain.


01/18/2021 05:24 PM 

Black Magic and Bullsh*t
Current mood:  lazy

" [Austin Osman Spare knew] the Hon. Everard Fielding, a barrister with a keen interest in psychic research (he was Secretary of the Society for Psychical Research from 1903-1920) ...Fielding wanted his slippers, which were in a room downstairs, to appear in the room where he and Spare were sitting...Fielding's manservant would bring them at eleven o'clock but it was now only six. Spare later claimed to have thought it was a "bloody silly thing to get by magic what could be got more effortlessly by going downstairs and bringing the slippers up in the normal fashion" but he nevertheless encapsulated the wish in another sigil. Hardly had he done so than the door opened, and the servant appeared five hours earlier with the slippers. He was unable to explain why he had done so, and Fielding thought there must have been a touch of senility involved."(p.79, Phil Baker, "Austin Osman Spare:The Occult Life of London's Legendary Artist". )How is “black magic" different from “white magic,” in other words the normal, accepted act of praying for things? A practical rule of thumb might be the intent of black magic (generally selfish, or harmful) and the spiritual Being being petitioned (generally not the God of the Religions of the Book, but another deity, or demon.)Whether any of it works , or how well it does, is the $64,000 question of course.To argue for  magic working, magicians generally seem to take magic for something ordinary, or use a  low standard of proof. For example, it's sometimes argued that magic is the manipulation of Reality, the physical world (the “objective universe”) in accordance with the magician's Will (your mind, the “subjective universe”.) Taking this as read, just about anything could qualify. Putting an extra spoonful of sugar in your coffee in the morning could. Not satisfied with how sweet your coffee tastes? Put in some more sugar. Reality has been manipulated in accordance with your Will. (This sounds like an exaggeration, but if you press a Satanist for proof, that is how they  argue. --With a Bait and Switch of  magic, for BOG Standard cause and effect. ) Satanist organisations claim to be able to gauge their members magical ability by the empiricism.  by their success in life. But if their members have  greater success in life than average, its probably down to hard work, intelligently applied.My only experience of using black magic was of cursing someone (a psychopath) whose hair fell out a week later. It's too involved to summarise all the episodes of the story here. In fact, it's something of a several whiskey tale. But suffice to say, it might have been the curse, or it might have been, for example, her hair bleaching habit (one of many bad habits), and the fact that her hair fell out soon after I put the curse on a co-incidence.Black magic *might* work, but it can't be reliable, otherwise governments would be using it to assassinate dissidents. (No forensic traces, so no hassles from Human Rights groups.) Magicians would be using it to get the National Lottery Numbers. Mortals might  have a divine spark, but despite the claims of LaVeyan Satanists and others, we're not gods. ( That said, to say we create the gods, or religious symbols work psychologically, or even implying it's all just croutons in the soup of the collective unconsciousness, is just to take "man" as " the measure of all things" too much.) From Iamblichus' “On the Mysteries”:“The images of the gods flash forth brighter than light, while those of the archangels are full of supernatural light, and those of the angels are bright. But daemons glow with a smouldering fire. The heroes have a fire blended of diverse elements, and of the archons those that are cosmic reveal a comparatively pure fire, while those that are material show a fire mixed from disparate and opposed elements. Souls (*of mortals*) produce a fitfully visible light, soiled by the many compounds in the realm of generation". (p.95,translated. Clarke, Dillon & Hershbell, publ. Society of Biblical Literature, 2003)Iamblichus clearly views such entities  as external to mortals. His theurgist views might not cut much ice with magicians today. Somewhere in a cardboard box I have an old Chaos Magic instructional CD ,in which belief in  religion and mysticism were discouraged. But in its guided visualisations, "neo-Platonic"-looking geometric shapes were used.  I've  seen chaos magic representions of horned beings resembling the god Pan. Chaos Magicians also famously use the (fictional) Cthulu Mythos of H.P. Lovecraft in workings -  this is when the historic Mesopotamian gods which Lovecraft  alluded to , to spice up his fiction, like Dagan , are accessible to anyone with £50 for an Akkadian language textbook! . If it's the rubbish of the history of ideas, and not to be believed in, then why use it at all, even in a watered down version?  The gods may be real and if you worship them (whatever form that worship takes) you may, like Gary Player in golf, get  luckier ("the more I practise the luckier I get"),but  in my view, you'll get best results as a fix for existential problems. 

Occultism, Anton LaVey, black magic, curses, Austin Osman Spare, Satanism, religion, golf


01/18/2021 09:07 AM 


hi guys! i'm so sad that this site is so dead now...i wish we could make it more active! whatever, i'll always stay on here no matter what!! comment if you will also stay forever!!



01/18/2021 02:55 PM 

My home page theme

Background: f01f95Background Image URL: 851b54Frame: f787d7Frame Background: ae2859Footer: 851b54Text: 270412Links: fb9bb9


01/17/2021 02:43 AM 

f*** me
Current mood:  high


01/18/2021 02:05 PM 

I wrote this song about how I feel in life
Current mood:  depressed

ive always been aloneever since i was concievedfrom stardust i was borninto this societyits like im from another worldand im stuck here to beand as the world is going onand im stuck here all aloneas the time is running onand all the people have goneno one is coming my wayand im still here on my owni suddenly see,all these people call my namethey say they are my friendsbut i dont know who they arethey know so much about meand i dont know their faceso i pushed them all awayi suddenly cry,as i realised what ive donenow ill truly have no onethey said that they loved mebut i couldn't feel that wayi am nothing at allbut im everything ill beconstantly aloneand as the world is going onand im stuck here all aloneas the time is running onand all the people have goneno one is coming my wayand im still here on my ownlonely spaceships fly afarand i wonder where they areas the night begins to cleari see a thousands starsas they whisper in my earstelling me that i belongI suddenly smileas i can finally seeall the faces that called meand i know them by their namesthey're my friends that keep me safeand i love them with my heartim no longer all alone

song, lyrics, life, lone, sad, friends, frens, loneliness, sadness, alien


01/18/2021 11:01 PM 

king park
Current mood:  depressed

will i still get into heaven if i kill myself?

depression, drugs, anxiety, blog, emo, sugar baby, scenemo, scene girl, inspo, screamo

F4K3 B100D

01/17/2009 12:40 PM 

Current mood:  depressed

i miss my boyfriend :( so much :((     


01/16/2021 03:56 AM 

Current mood:  creative

𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗽𝗼𝗲𝗺 𝗶𝘀 𝘂𝗽 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘁 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘀. 𝗜 𝘄𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗻𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗼𝘄 𝗶𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝗼 𝗶𝘁 𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗲 𝗯𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝗻𝗮𝘆𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗴𝗴𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝗿 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴. 𝗧𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝗺𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗮𝘆𝗯𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝗽𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗼𝘄𝗻. 𝗙𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗰𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗽𝗵𝗿𝗮𝘀𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝘂𝗽 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗼𝘄𝗻.An image of sorrow one in itself reflected in a mirror sitting beside it swallowing its soul day and night to no end.To see through its eyes is to see the open woundsseeping with dark red hateredAnd the scars holding the shadow that didn't manage to escape from beneaththe decaying surface.It drinks its bitter poison and absorbs itlike sink sand engulfing what becomes trappedfor eternity to devour itself and its rotting flesh of envy.Flowers will bloom on its grave dark withering roses that shake and crush to dust at the gentle touch of sunlight.𝔗𝔥𝔞𝔫𝔨 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔪𝔢.𝔅𝔩𝔢𝔰𝔰𝔢𝔡 𝔅𝔢 

poem, interpretation, metaphor, art, grunge, mental health


01/17/2021 08:41 PM 

My Fav Artists/Bands

Osquinn The Regrettes Mommy Long Legs Doll Skin S3RL Millionaires Pierce The Veil Voiid All Time Low Falling In Reverse My Spotify|

emo, scene, hyperpop, music, music recommendations,


01/16/2021 08:13 PM 

Current mood:  sad

Otro día de mierda, de mi vacia vidaOtro día de mierda, que sigo con vidaOtro día de mierda, que de pie sigoOjala pronto acabe todo lo que debo aguantarPues pronto mis palabras dejaran de sonarMi ultimo suspiro no será por tiSi no por la vida que no pude vivir.


01/16/2021 04:34 PM 

my life story

I grew up as a fairly normal kid. I guess all that mattered back then was if you had a healthy child, and my parents qualified for that. I was the type of kid that used to catch bees inside of water bottles and fill it up with water to see if it’d live. I’d dig trenches in the sandbox and introduce them to my water-hose. I felt like a mythological being, creating beautiful rivers in my own yard. Life was great. After all, I was but a mere child.Early on, I learned what struggles the world was facing, but more importantly, what my own family was. Financial struggles seem to be a re-occurrence in my lifetime. Speaking then, it was of no worries to me. As long as I had my Small Soldiers action figures and my brand new Nintendo 64, I was living a great life. But I soon realized these were small luxuries, only prized to myself in my early years.Now that I’m a bit older, I take a bit more focus on it. I see my parents frustration, and I begin to wonder “What can I do to help?”.Because if I had the choice to make everything run smoothly for my parents, and not for myself, I’d more than be happy to do so.These weren’t the only frustrations of my lifetime though. Another big factor that’s developed me into who I am today is my experience of confusion. I’m almost positive every person that reads this has been “mislead” at least once in their lives and realized they never wanted it to happen again, no matter the amount of pain it was.But that was never enough for those who hurt me.Still today I’m faced with every day challenges that I have to endure myself. But through all of this struggle, I’ve learned a lot. If you know me well, you’d know I’m more of an observer, not a socialist. I am not that big of a social pariah if you will. Sometimes, I sit back and listen to conversation, rather than partake in it. I stand by myself at parties and wonder what makes these diverse people friends.And the more I observed, the more I learned.I learned the foundations to conversation, how to properly treat a woman, how to tell when someone is liying, how and when to use manners, and how to react to most situations.With that being said, even though I may know (or have a pretty positive belief) how to treat a woman, it hasn’t always given me the best luck. This ties into the relationships I’ve been in. There seems to be a rhythm and a similarity in them all though. They either ended way too short, or ended because I was cheated on. Needless to say, I’ve been single since late October of last year, due to fear of getting close to another person.As for my religious views, they used to fluctuate frequently. I grew up a Christian, and had lived the lifestyle for 6 years. However, when I was 14 years old, I gave up hope on this. I ignored my religion and did not attend church for some time. Later on I gave God another chance shortly after turning 16, but that’s not to say I’m a die-hard Christian. I believe any faith in anything is a great thing, and to believe in something higher is something I respect and support of anybody, of any religion.I also do not follow the Christian way as most do today. I believe that if God had placed us on this Earth with instincts, then we are to do what we feel is best, not what our religion says to do.Most of this belief comes from simple logic; If I were to have a son, I would not expect him to be perfect, bow before me, and praise me in everything he does. I would want him to live the best life he could but still acknowledge that I was around, watching and love me the same.I see God the same way. And if I am wrong, I’ll stand corrected on my dying day with an open mind.I do not care if I am wrong, as long as I one day find out what is right. This does not apply to just religion for me, however, but in everything I do…It seems I have taught myself the basics of living, without “proper” guidance. I hold accountable for everything I do, my mind. Go ahead and call me crazy for over-analyzing certain aspects of life, but I figure it is a part of me. The biggest part of who I am today is simply my own mind. And if you’ve given enough consideration to read this far, then I thank you from the bottom of my heart.I have absolutely nothing to hide but what I am not.


01/16/2021 03:53 PM 

Current mood:  tired

hi everyone. so i will most likely be keeping a pretty frequent blog because i do enjoy writing :). so i'm claire i am obsessed with sanrio and anime. i think my favorite anime would be a tie between death note and naruto. at the moment though, i'm still watching so many other animes! my favorite sanrio character would have to be cinnamon roll, she's just so cute. i do love manga, killing stalking and bj alex are my top, i've read them soo many times. my favorite regular tv show is svu, i like criminal minds but svu is more realistic to how the justice system works. i'm interested in true crime as well, i wanted to become a fbi agent but i am not strong enough for the physical part at all. i am in school to become an accountant, i'm not sure if it's really what i want but... idk. this is just an introduction of me, i don't feel comfortable posting my face on here quite yet or my last name but maybe one day! that's all for today! make sure to stay safe and take care of yourself ♥

introduction, anime, sanrio


01/16/2021 01:10 PM 

Current mood:  cranky

I swear, school is so lame. I can't wait to graduate just to do more school. 🙂

#school #gay #goth

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