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Ideals Of Saturn

01/30/2023 02:02 AM 

My main profile etc.
Current mood:  creative

🍦 So if you message me I'm looking for conversation ONLY. People have asked on my old account if I'm from the U.S.: Which is true, however * I don't post what state or town I live in so I can protect myself online from others as a defensive distrust stance. As I seem to attract a lot of weirdos and not in a good way either. Also my age limit is 20-46 years old. Don't be 52 or higher messaging me, my dad is 61 years old. Anyways, viewing my account multiple times, doesn't let me know your interest, so find something on my profile worth chatting about 🍦🍦 Some thoughts before reading my profile.🍦 My profile isn't recommended if you aren't into a 10-15 minute long profile. I personally wouldn't recommend you inbox me if you disagree or dislike my profile. I will end up opening your message, then laughing at your message and then I will proceed with a block, haha. Also speaking of people's reactions, I probably will not send the first message at all. So if you're interested in messaging me, I recommend you send a food emoji then title what you found interesting in my profile. Otherwise I would think you didn't read my profile at all. If you don't or have no interest in a food emoji then come up with something that is related to my profile but with your own twist.  Could be a book, could be a medieval weapon, could be who I would vote for in H.P. Lovecraft and could be something interesting etc. But in the end like I said above, finding something on my profile is just as fine. You don't need a gigantic bubble think storm of figuring out your message prompt 🍦🍦 I also don't want people messaging me if he or she is into the A.I. trend. Plus I don't want someone telling me that the A.I. The filter is healthy. No, that is dangerous for people that have identity issues or other mental illnesses that could get worse over time. A person could try making themselves look like the A.I. filter, if the person is mentally unstable, which is severely unhealthy. Also the A.I. Trend is also dangerous for artists. Someone can steal someone's artwork online and put that through an A.I. filter then claim that art as theirs, steal and even try to sell the art. I think this is very unhealthy behavior and very damaging to independent artists. So no the A.I. Trend is dangerous. The only filters I've used are dark filters or icy pictures, so I can spook up my pictures. Some people don't understand this. I remember on Alt Scene a guy blocked me on there because he didn't understand my pictures. He goes what is a Yurei? I don't understand that terminology. I go you don't know what the Ring is you dumb ass? BLOCKED. Well not my fault you asked a stupid A$$ question. People that are fake witches. Sorry to say but how can you call yourself a witch if you color class yourself? You also believe in rocks will save your life and not only that you believe in fairies? What an insult. I also, personally, don't believe your luck makes you who you're in your lifetime in this mortal realm. Such thinking is futile. You're born with a lucky status however, but you're not in control of your fate or timeline in life. You can't imagine your own mindset becoming a true form of reality. If that were the case then you're suggesting that a PS5 will show up within a few hours if my mind thinks of a PS5? No, because that's so unrealistic. I personally will make a blog about this once I figure out the words and how to grasp my concept. I also believe that the strong will only survive in the human mortal world, as I was raised where the weak never mattered and the disabled people are too much of a nuisance in this mortal realm, personally my mind is set on the disabled will never find a sanctuary or a peace ever in life. Even in a work environment you're a pest if you need accommodations and you're most likely to be ignored. Which has plunged me into internal darkness and deep self hatred that will never go away. Nothing can heal or erase my idealism on that belief. Several things have caused my heavy psychological abuse and people ask me why am I not okay? That goes back to my theory that what you think will show up in reality. Because, I don't think someone that is a girl that is in elementary school is asking for mental health issues and mental abuse. Get real with your fake sh*t. In my belief, some people never grow self awareness and are stuck in a fairy-like mindset. However, my self awareness came at age 26 years old. Which is a blessing and a curse. My belief is also Buddhist, Shinto and Spirituality which has saved me from a dark time. I also have a high faith belief in the science of the vessel etc. Anyways speaking of dark times. I believe an artist can project his or her feelings onto a painting, the spirit, spirits and soul can be communicating. Know your facts, that's simple. If you claim you love researching, yet only do so by one link, then you're completely fake. That's like people blocking me after having a heated debate after saying Loki is misunderstood, yet this Norse Pagan claimed that Loki is pure evil and I told him to go get a dictionary because misunderstood and evil are two different things lol and then I got blocked. I also got blocked because people asked me if Beelzebub meant Lucifer and Satan and I said no each of those have a different Demon Rank. I also got blocked for telling this guy online that Beelzebub is the King of Kings and not the Lord of the Flies 🍦🍦 One of my favorite Folklore Journals from Fatal Frame 5.🍦 It is said that human sacrifice was once practiced throughout this region.Rather than returning people to the water upon death, the ritual involved placing so-called "pillars" in special reliquaries and sending them to the water while still alive.It was the role of shrine maidens to become such Pillars. They would take on the memories of the dying, and thereafter return to water themselves.In doing so, it was believed the subjects would continue living on as Pillars.In Japan, there was once a sect of Buddhist monks who would inter themselves in boxes buried underground for the sake of enlightenment. These monks were said to show they were still alive by ringing bells and chanting.This practice may be related.But what did the maidens who became Pillars fear, or hope to appease?There are various teachings in Japan about where the afterlife, also known as the Netherworld or the hereafter, is located.Some teachings say it is above the mountains or across the sea, where others claim it lies underground, within the very earth itself.Here on the mountain, it is said to lie within the water, implying a close link between water and death.The Pillars within the reliquaries would be in a place close to death, but would go on living.Perhaps it was the special reliquaries that allowed them to evade death and continue living, frozen in time.It is thought that perpetuating these Pillars allowed those close to death to live longer lives.In a sense, it was believed that proximity to death helped develop a resistance to it.🍦 Header:🍦 Morphing is what I do best or call me Prototype Zero, I like changing my phone cases every few months because that is a new outfit item for my new identity. However, I can express myself without judgement. If I did so on my vessel I would be judged. But the phone case can be my Morphing Object.🍦 Humans think reality is 100 percent happiness, how much of that percent of that is fake in your head that you made yourself? Do you tell yourself that in a lie, so you can get by with your daily task and you forget who you're? Lucky with my identity crisis I go through so many changes, I can't even deny or fake anything about myself. Cause I'm always Morph Zero.🍦 I don't need a lecture on why people rarely talk or anything like that. I'm 30 years old in March, I've been really self aware at the age of 26 years old. I know why people don't talk with me often and I don't need a lecture on how to make my profile the life of the party so people can message me. Which has happened on websites I'm no longer on. You're telling an almost 30 year old how to make a perfect profile? LOL. Hilarious. Anyways I'm currently playing FFX-2 right now. I might play the game one more time just so I can use some of the New Game + characters and collect a lot of creatures + see New Yevon's side. If I don't do this I will be back so I can finish Skyrim. No, I've not beaten Skyrim or done a lot of questing., I played halfway, got bored and forgot the game for months. If not I plan to buy Tales of Vesperia for the PS4 🍦 πŸ¦ I do love some tea by the way. What is your favorite tea box you pick up at the store?🍦  Things I'm into.🍦 I'm into occultism, listening or waiting for people's stories of their country as in folktales, also into researchers like idealism, science, space and stuff like that etc. I'm not into normal people's types of interest etc. Also if you like sports then we've nothing we can share. Wrestling counts however I'm not insanely crazy about wrestling as the stories are getting so f***ing terrible. I'm mainly talking about football and things like that. There is nothing that we can converse with as I'm not into football or national games, like basketball and baseball etc. Same with country music, hip hop* unless you count Lo-Fi video game music counts then LMAO then you're not for me. Why do I not want gamers messaging me? Simple and easy as pie. There is nothing for us we can converse about unless you've tons of things in common with my profile etc 🍦 Here is some random thing about me. I do love onion powder a lot. Totally so rad 🍦 I also believe artwork by an artist is a communicator for the spirits or spirit of the painter. I think abstract paint is also a way you can express your will color onto the canvas etc. The games I've for my Co Op games are Luigi 3, Splatoon 2 * Salmon Run and Regular Battles. I do play rank but we might end up in a different room, you can't select for some reason if I'm playing rank. Such as seeing me online in the friend's list like in the main lobby.. I also have the games Mario Kart 8 and lastly Fall Guys which currently I'm taking a break from. But I would be willing to play 30 minutes with you, nothing like for 3-6 hours lol.. I'm no longer crazy about Animal Crossing anymore * like being a trader online and sadly my Isle is about 80 percent done but I just don't have that drive to complete my isle anymore. I also ditched the idea of hosting tours from my isle as well. Main focus is co-op games for Nintendo Switch 🍦 πŸ¦ I've a yellow dandelion color Switch Lite.More Interest:🍦 I often can't sleep at night , so that's why I seek conversation. People from European and other locations can add me, as long as my profile has been read etc.🍦 Another belief of mine.🍦 Why do you live in a false reality? You can't be happy 24/7. There is no way that is realistic, I don't believe in a fairy-like mindset. Humans are all blindsided in their life, some can awaken into something more, some people can awaken in something more + bound and sealed forever in limbo where the past constantly haunts them forever in the psyche, some can't grow at all and refuse spiritual awareness or pretend that doesn't exist at all. What pure sadness that is. One day the wolves will take off their beast mask and smile amongst the humans, there is always a wolf amongst the humans, hiding and grinning beneath the beast mask. The faith in the demonology, with the demon courthouses, The Abyssal Painter, the Abyssal life path will always be a true faith. After all faith is what drives people to live, just like the path of self hatred does. But ' 'I'' am not simply you, I don't live in a fantasy-like mindset where reality is an arena of flowers and fairies. πŸ¦ More thoughts.🍦 Do you like aromatherapy? For someone with Autism certain smells make me sick whereas a dual sword comes along and relaxes me. Clove, Juniper, Peppermint and Lavender are my relaxing scents. Cozy blankets and a comfy room just kicked back, made in the shade on YT or just gaming on my PS4 and Switch Lite is relaxing. I need super low stress in life as I don't respond well when stress hits me because then I feel sick. Do you collect anything? We could talk about that as well, but one day that is going to bite me in the wolf's tail because some people might send me something bizarre that he or she collects. Also I'm looking to one day display books whenever I move out. What books do you think fit my personality? I like when someone reads to me as reading is hard for me to follow if I silently read to myself and I don't like listening to my own voice so again more problems in the bucket, favorite H.P Lovecraft? Any pets? I love to see your fur babies, I 100 percent believe pets are therapeutic and help in so many ways, their purr is soothing and that's like dreaming of Dream City,🍦 Music:🌚 Video Game Lofi Radio Chill 24/7 Beats for Studying Sonic Lofi Café - YouTubeVideo Game Radio  Nostalgic Retro Music Live Stream Nintendo, SEGA, PlayStation, PC... - YouTubeVIDEO GAME RADIO πŸ‘Ύ {Sega, Nintendo, Sony, Bethesda & more!}Japanese Lo-Fi and both links are by the same creator, the second one is Tokyo Lo-Fi. I don't know what the difference is but the beats do sound different, at least that's what I hear inmy wolf ears. I've not tried to listen to regular Lo-Fi music. I don't think that would be my cup of tea, because wouldn't that be Dubstep music by then? There are not many good video game Lo-Fi music stations out there.Tokyo Lofi Hip Hop 24/7 Japanese Lofi Playlist 2021 No Copyright Lofi & Chillhop Beats - YouTubeJapanese Lofi Radio 24/7 Aesthetic Lofi Hip Hop Music No Copyright Lofi Hip Hop Beats - YouTubeMovies:🍑 I think Doctor Strange, the first one, was a masterpiece. There were such strong emotions I felt from this movie. The whole thing was an emotional roller coaster. I love the second one and saw that twice. But people don't agree with me that the second Doctor Strange is worth a 9. That's fine, everyone has a different opinion. Just like I think Kingdom Hearts is the worst story telling video game on the block but the soundtracks are amazing as f***. Yoko Shimomura can compose. But I will post that on a blog and I'm getting off topic. Why such bad reviews? Some people stated that Marvel went dark. Too dark? I don't think so. This is a refreshing take on Marvel movies. Some people said that the death scenes were way too brutal. Was this a parent review that took their underaged child to a PG 13? I'm sure some parents took their 4-7 year old kid to see a PG 13 movie. Yeah brilliant f***ing parenting skills. Anyways I do like The Hunger Game series. I like some Harry Potter but not the last two and Star Wars. Sorry guys but I'm not a big gigantic for  me being a movie buff LMAO. I know some people are huge movie buffs and that's fine lol 🍑 Akira is the best anime movie of all time, it has been for several years and nothing won't change that. Monster is my favorite Anime + has been for several years. Nothing won't change that either 🍑T.V.:🍦 I don't have cable, I use a laptop, T.V. hook up with an HDMI cable. I don't watch Wrestling anymore but Raw, NXT and stuff like that and I'm thinking of quitting altogether by the way. Due to Charlotte Flair coming back I'm done watching Smackdown, even though Bray Wyatt has returned. Charlotte Flair has made me go nope I'm done and bye bye Smackdown She gets every single title handed to her. Wrestling has become so stupid, the storylines are so dumb. Why? Because Wrestling has been around longer than I've been alive in this mortal realm and how many stories can you create before you run out of ideas? Getting f***ing stupid. It can also be found on YT or you can find movies, anime and wrestling for free on the internet. If you've ad blocker on and track blocker on + free virus protection then you should be okay. Just don't download anything and you will be fine. My dad has Fubo but I'm thinking of getting Discovery Plus for myself. Anyways, here are some random things as well. If you're up for long conversations, someone that speaks in metaphorical text, quirky, bizarre and cryptic then inbox me. My life thinking skills are philosophy and science of the vessel.  Also I would love for you to express your Folklore or Folktales of your country, the food and the smells. Also, I got into occultism through a game called Fatal Frame 🍦 I would love to know your input sometime on this subject matter. If so, send me a message. Also do you guys have a favorite YT creator? If so, why is that?🍦  Random thoughts of course:🍦 I don't read but you can gladly read my Google Blogs. There is no account requirement. If you're looking for information about my work life and education, my story is really horrible so therefore I made a blog about all those areas. My blogs are best read on a P.C. or laptop. For some reason people say the scrolling is an issue on mobile. I also don't know what causes that. Also, you'll have to find the words more posted in ice blue text if you want to see all my posts. Here is a random thing I wanna say :) My preferred destination is.  On the path of internal darkness, self hatred and by the way if you don't compute what Abyssal means or void then you don't need to message me. Last thing where do I see myself in 5 years?  Probably laughing at myself when insanity creeps up on me 🍦🍦  Last thoughts for my profile ends:🍑 My son turned 11. Please don't ask too personal questions about him or his dad, you can find basic questions on my Google Blogs. Anyone asking a lot of personal questions will be blocked. More importantly, please take requests seriously on people's profile. If a person says don't do this or request a don't on their profile then just don't. Act your age because my son will probably be more behaved than some people acting like monkeys. Last but not least, thank you for reading my profile and I've one request before messaging me πŸ‘Ί Does my profile make sense to you? If not then don't add me, I also will very rarely send out friend requests. I also will not message you back and forth here, if you need more time to exchange information let me know. I don't have anything similar to WhatsApp as you can't use a fake number to protect yourself online. I only have Snap, Discord, Twitter and an Email. That's all folks and also my username will be something connected and personal. Such as Neo, Planets, Video Game related and due with attracting  people that are weirdos in a weird way and not good. I've very little to none selfies on my page + I've random information etc. You will not see my last name anywhere on my profile. You will not know my last name for several months. I also do cheap exchange gifts for birthdays or Christmas. However you will not earn that entitlement until I know you're not a psycho. Also to make sure people have read my profile, I will request this one thing. Put an ice cream emoji or a food emoji then I know you read my profile. You can tell me you need more time, that is fine. By the way if you don't know what Abyssal or Void means then you probably are best off not messaging me. Because that is basic knowledge what those words mean. Also for more blogs and more pictures of me just look at my Space Hey Blog @

anti anti anti

05/30/2021 12:53 AM 


i hate crying. i hate when people say that its good to cry because it helps get your emotions out so it helps you feel better but it really doesnt. i get snotty, my eyes burn as i hiccup my way through shallow breaths and awkward cries of of discomfort. i hate the confusion of crying. its so overwhelming and intense that i dont know what im feeling because its all just too much. then once im done im so tired and achey that i just go to sleep and by the time i wake up i cant even rememeber what i was upset about. i hate the way people treat you when you cry. sometimes people get angry and tell you theres no reason for you to be crying, say your faking and being dramaric. sometimes people treat you like a baby, like your imcompetent and cant be trusted alone just because youre sad. i wish i could scream. scream until my voice gives out so when i cry so i dont make any noise, so i dont bother anyone. so i can just be alone with the way that i feel.

anti anti anti

05/30/2021 12:53 AM 


i hate crying. i hate when people say that its good to cry because it helps get your emotions out so it helps you feel better but it really doesnt. i get snotty, my eyes burn as i hiccup my way through shallow breaths and awkward cries of of discomfort. i hate the confusion of crying. its so overwhelming and intense that i dont know what im feeling because its all just too much. then once im done im so tired and achey that i just go to sleep and by the time i wake up i cant even rememeber what i was upset about. i hate the way people treat you when you cry. sometimes people get angry and tell you theres no reason for you to be crying, say your faking and being dramaric. sometimes people treat you like a baby, like your imcompetent and cant be trusted alone just because youre sad. i wish i could scream. scream until my voice gives out so when i cry so i dont make any noise, so i dont bother anyone. so i can just be alone with the way that i feel.


01/29/2023 11:03 PM 

dungeons and dragon struggles :(

I am having a hard time writing a plot for my non-predictable chaotic friends. I know I want to base it off of Alice in Wonderland, peter pan, and the secret garden but do it almost like the 1800s meet post-modern affairs. Does that make sense to anyone?My friends make it so hard to write and with the current campaign going on I feel like all my ideals are just spin off's of my current DM. f***. but like a polite quiet f***. IDK what to do I write it like a novel and just force a plot line no matter what or just free-ball it. i am good at improve but what if i choke? would brief point form notes help/work better? I need a more experienced DM. 

#help #nerds #writing #planning #funny #dungeons #and #dragons #dungeonsanddragons #geeks #DM


01/29/2023 08:30 PM 

Performance at The Well

This past Saturday I felt honored for being able to perform at "The Well" during their open mic night.  I performed one of the first songs I've ever written.  I don't have this song available on my SoundCloud so if you'd like to hear the not even two minute song the YouTube link to the video of my performance is below:

songs, music, songwriter, singer, soundcloud


01/29/2023 08:02 PM 

January 29th 2023

These past few days have been very busy. Friday, I had the day off.  I requested the day off as I had a job interview that day.  The interview was at eleven and I woke up at eight.  I had a few hours to kill before needing to get ready and so I called an old friend.  We talked about new relationships, jokes, videos, and music.  Turns out, he really likes my music!  We talked on the phone until an hour before my interview. After our call, I started getting ready for my interview.  The business had emailed me before-hand and told me that I needed to dress in business attire.  Luckily, I had a woman's business suit from thrifting with my mother that has been begging to be worn.   The interview wasn't exactly what I expected.  I expected an actual interview; people asking me questions and me asking questions in return.  Instead, this was part one of a two-part interview.  Part one was just listening to the manager of the office I was applying for explaining the history of the business and how my first year would look. After finishing the "interview", I called my friend again and started reworking my song "Self Crucifixion."  I finally finished the song and it's now able to stream!  I'll leave a link below: Self Crucifixion on SoundCloud Later I went to Dungeons and Dragons night with my lover and his family.  It was a fun night, I learned that I have a secret love for Pedialyte apple juice. Saturday was nerve-wracking.  My lover and I spent the whole day at his home.  I drew a bit and watched him play Red Dead Redemption II.  Later that night was when the nerves upped a notch.  My lover, a friend, the friend's girlfriend, and I went to a local open mic night at a church called, "The Well." I was one of the last people to go up on stage because I signed up last but I was still super nervous.  Here's a photo of what I looked like on stage: The song I decided to play was an original song called, "Yet."  I haven't uploaded it to SoundCloud yet so if you want to listen to it the link to the YouTube video of my performance is below: Yet at The Well Today was a calming day.  I woke up at my lover's house and we went to McDonald's for breakfast.  Not the healthiest choice but it was so good.  After watching him play RDRII for a few more hours it was time for me to go home.   When I arrived home my mother told me that my room wasn't clean enough for us to move around furniture.  I spent all afternoon and half of the evening cleaning my room and only being able to get the closet clean.  I'm so tired of cleaning that I pushed the mess on my bed to one side of my bed.  Tomorrow I will clean around my vanity and my bed so I can sleep better tomorrow night. 

diary, journal, life updates

Dominic Anthony

01/29/2023 01:04 PM 

NEOCRALITE AND ESPITINU LANDS was planets QUINTARIA 2003 2013 2023 20 years


Dominic Anthony

01/29/2023 12:01 PM 

EWTN says the end of the church age then the satanic temples masonic temples must close down

( Kiss ) ( Creatures of The Night ) (Backing Track) ( Original Vocals )    Youtube Fond of Gene Simmons Bass and your vocals on the original recording also new originals characters wasnt a mis step it brought Kiss new life.  twitters and facebooks if the catholic/christian churches close down...the satanic temples mason templesmust close down it's for the betterment of humanity.


01/28/2023 11:40 PM 

You said you loved me.
Current mood:  confused

You said you loved meSo how could you have let me go You said you loved me But all my highs seem right back low You said loved me Then why do I feel so alone But you said you loved me So how could I be on my own - Breesean


01/28/2023 03:50 PM 

Current mood:  adventurous

Everything I do is wondrous. 


01/26/2023 04:46 PM 

January 26th 2023

Today was absolutely dreadful.   My day started off with moving an office back to its home for, hopefully, the final time.  Theo told the employees in that office to empty out their fridge before we move it.  They didn't.  As me and Theo moved the fridge it left a trail of snacks and the sealing broke.  I was pretty pissed as I knew that that office would complain that we broke their fridge.  On my way back to their temporary office one of the employees asked me, "What's wrong with your face?" In response I told her, "The seal is broken on your fridge since y'all can't even empty a damn fridge." I didn't hear her response, but I know she was taken aback since I usually just stay quiet.  Turns out she told the supervisors which meant my father found out what I said.  He called the woman into his office and made me apologize to her, as well as her supervisor.  Apparently, they must have dyslexia of the ears as they claim that I said, "Your fridge is broken since y'all can't even empty a f***ing fridge." That made me even more pissed!  I said an apology, cried in my father's office for a bit, then went back to work. For a good while work went well afterwards.  That was until the temporary building manager told us that we had to replace all the televisions in an office.  Theo went headless chicken mode which ensued the rest of the day to be a panic.  The same office that I apparently cursed out an employee decided that the desk they had wasn't good enough, so we had to go over to the sister company, pick up an old desk of theirs, drop off our old desk at the dump, and bring in the used desk.   Finally, it seemed like the day was calming down.  Theo told me to put together the two new carts that were delivered.  I wasn't really upset about it; it was only attaching the wheels and the handle.  Easy right? Wrong.  The bolts that were issued for the carts had heads that were too big.  This meant that every time I tried to tighten a bolt, the wheel got in the way from it fully securing. After half an hour of struggling I was finally able to get the first cart together.  This was when my coworker finally came out of the shop to help me build the other one.  I didn't find it fair that this certain coworker does next to nothing, so I just left them there with the tools and instructions to build the second one. By the time I got back to the shop it was ten minutes 'til clock out time.   Now that I've been home and calmed down a bit, I realize that what I did was pretty mean to my coworker.  Even though he doesn't do a lot he is always trying to keep a positive mood in the shop.  I've since apologized to him as he is technically my cousin.   At least today was my Friday.  I took the day off tomorrow for my job interview with a phone company.  I hope everything goes well and I'll be able to put my two weeks in on Monday.

diary, journal, life updates


01/26/2023 01:35 PM 

I'm a published author!
Current mood:  accomplished

Granted, I am not receiving payment, but I am honored to be writing for Mystic Living Today. I finally have an official place to share articles about my spirituality, Vitalism. write under the name Alecia Windfelder, which is my legal name. I would love to do articles and videos on, but they are not accepting new contributors. I've been considering writing letters to their CEO to ask for an exception. That I can find they don't have anything like Vitalism represented in their selections, and I think Vitalim ought to be. It's unique, and in my opinion very important. 

spirituality, writing, Vitalism, New Age, metaphysics


01/25/2023 09:50 PM 

January 25th 2023

Today was absolutely magnificent.  It started off slow and not quite the best.  This morning me and Theo had to go outside on the scissor lift to replace a broken window.  The ground outside wasn't level and so we had problems with the lift not going up high enough. After our window endeavor, we went back to the shop.  While in there I checked my phone to find out that one of the new jobs I applied for wanted to interview me!  Immediately I tried calling back, but the business was closed so instead I sent an email.  Right away they called me back and we scheduled a mini-interview during my lunch break.  When my lunch break came around, I called the business back and we set up a full interview for Friday!  The only problem was that the interview was supposed to take place at eleven a.m. Luckily, I had enough vacation time to take off Friday and tell my boss so that he could approve my request.  I'm very excited and hope that I get the position. Later during the workday, me and my coworkers found out that Theo applied to a different place as well out of fear of being terminated. All in all, today was a great workday. Once I arrived at home I took the family dog out for a walk; or at least I tried to.  It was pouring and she doesn't very much like the rain, so it was a struggle just to get her in the grass.  Eventually she peed a bit but then she ran back inside. Afterwards I took a shower and got changed before heading to my lover's house.  There we cuddled and watched a movie together before going through the drive-thru for dinner.  Not long after getting back to his house and finishing my meal I had to go home.  It was still pouring so I was a bit nervous about driving my tiny car home, but I made it! I'm absolutely ecstatic for Friday.  Wish me good luck!

diary, journal, life updates


01/25/2023 08:04 AM 

serious rant about school
Current mood:  melancholy

to sum up my wonderful day yesterday, a teacher literally called me a selfesh peice of sh*t for having depression, called me selfesh, told me that im guilttripping my sister (caregiver) every single day, fed into my delusions, and literally told me her son died and shes fine after to make it seem like im a f***ing lazy cunt, well f*** then, im clearly not going to school till this a**hole gets delt with. My sister s caling the school board today, i may even do it before her, im just sick of this sh*t, beng literally BULLIED BY TEACHERS. Not even students, theres maybe like one or two kids who are rude but like thats a thing in every school, now thef***ing TEACHERS DOING IT? like holy sh*t when did the f***ing roles switch up? my biggest bullies ever have been teachers, not students. i hate this f***ing trash schoo, i thought it would be different, maybe the next school will be.

school, anger, love, diary, journal, sleep, night


01/25/2023 06:10 PM 


its been hell so i had to a lot of choas in my life recently but my freind got to call me on my birthday she told a guy i was into who she was freinds with moved away and that broke my heart i had plans to meet him on my birthday but then the next day she ghosted me she told me we could call the next day and i was waiting so i called her but no answear called again still no answear but now i think of it it it seems like we have been losing touch i told her i was gonna take a break this lonleyness is hell i know its temporary well thats what i keep saying she the only freind i gt only one am close too plus listening to some dsbm really hits once your life has gone to sh*t but i hope it gets better 

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