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OKAYSOYesterday I met the guy who I literally haven't shut up about on here (sorry guys) and it all went really well! WE KISSED!!!!!!!!!! I really really like him, I feel all happy inside :3 My parents are fine with him being the age he is and I'm hopefully seeing him again in a couple of weeks. We're just seeing where things go at the moment but I am just so happy ♥

Three shots in the dead of the nightThree shots and I can't hear, not quiteFor each bullet is like a cryAnd each tear brings tears to my eyesLeave things as they are (don't show up)Unless you need something from in hereYou're a fool to think I forgot the lockI'm just sad to learn you won't disappearYour pink lips are white lies if they partYou can trick me but not for that long Though I long for what wasn't long Though you may still play the partDress up for the days hearts collidePaint tears on your face with a brushThen get them off in a rushSoon as you find an ugly side Am I fooling myself now?Tell me, are all these delusions and lies?Who can I trust, who can I not,If the girl in the mirror wants my skin off my bonesAnd the ones on my side...Can I trust you when you say it's in my head?If I have these thoughts each time I go to bed.And the tone is each time more convincingWhen it says my face is sickening.I don't mean to burden youI don't wish to bring you downBut here, at the very bottom of my mindThere's no light that filters through the cracksThere's nothing that's holding me backAnd oh, I forgot to mention,The sign reads "No entrance"I'm hoping for renewal because I don't know how long I'll lastI'm begging for friends because I only see ghosts of my pastand patterns that repeat themselves endlessly in my eyesLike the were burnt to the top of my corneasIf you were gonna pretend you could've told me from the start.and each time i so desperately asked you if you hated me.and each time i begged you to leave me, to leave because i'm no good.and if i really am as selfish and bad. then why the hell are you still around?and can you tell me when's your one way ticket away from me due?

Did you see that shadow move? In the corner of your eye? You start feel a pall of fear, And yet, you don’t know why. The house is dark and silent, As silent as a tomb. And yet you cannot help but feel, A presence in the room. Look straight ahead and don’t look back, Return straight to your bed. For if your eyes should meet with mine, Your soon to end up dead. I’m always here, I’m watching you, I visit in your dreams. You’re soon to learn that life is not, As pleasant as it seems.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PmTnCboNFc

>1) not clearly communicating your message >2) self-hatred and talking about what a failure you are >3) backing out of sex randomly and for no reason, often halfway through, when that's basically the only part of our relationship that doesn't feel like empty words sometimes1. maybe i'm just nonsensical, maybe words don't matter and are hard to convey anyway, maybe i dont know how to think2. i don't want to lie and i dont wan't to be egocentrical and narcissistic and maybe there's some level of manipulation here too3. i don't have recall of any specific incidents but it's probably since something made me feel bad. don't know how to help with empty words, i'm emotionally dead (which is probably an element of the reason i'm such a terrible partner and can't communicate anything>is this relationship even a good thing for the two of usi'd like to hope so, you're the closest friend or anything i have left. i've already pushed everyone else away with how terrible i am. i can't even get a 3/3 vote of a small section of friend group on who is the better person to hang out with, me or damien. and you know us both well

Hey guys! The names Salea, and i'm new here and have no f***ing idea what i'm doing!

On this matter, please don’t go off at me, I’ve got my opinion, you’ve got yours, agree to disagree.Taking drugs for the first time, second and sometimes third time are a choice yes, but addiction is a disease and though it depends on who, MANY people who make the decision to try drugs and end up addicted do so because of their demons, their situation in which they feel like nothing will help them through their sadness, some do it because other people pressure them into it, some have become addicted to painkillers they had to take for their health problems etc and some just take really bad decisions, so I am no one to judge you if you’re addicted to drugs, and I believe you are in need of medical help. I will not look down upon someone with a drug addiction who is seeking help, however if you are not trying/wanting to seek help if you can, despite everyone telling you to, I will not accept your choice and will let you live your life but will in no way support you. I have dealt with drug addicts before and do not wish to be friends with any as I have my own demons and can’t deal with other’s demons too. I will however, if I see you are trying to get off them, support you, with all the means that go with it (I know fully about addiction even though mine was not drugs, so I know you will not necessarily recover fast, I know you might relapse, I know it will not be easy), I will encourage you. With this, I ask my friends though I do not rule your lifes, PLEASE stay far away from any drugs. Please keep in mind, I am not putting this up for debate, you may add your opinion to it but I am just stating mine and don’t want to fight about this.

kicked a guys knee because he constructively criticized my face drawing techniques and anatomy of the face for like 15 minutes (which i accepted and mostly asked for because he made a remark about it and asked for permission before continuing and i, like the secret consumer i am, needed to know what he thought) and would not let me mention that the photo i was referencing for someones face was old, which is why the hairstyle is inaccurate, and that i personally like drawing fluffy hair. his reasoning for trying to shut me up was because he did not ask for my opinion, which is justified mostly because its true, but i got angry because it wasn't an equal exchange of ideas in that case and when i tried to tell him this he shut me up again. then i kicked him and he went "well this is awkward. hope to see you again (something about how he wanted me to be less mad the next time we meet)." i yelled when it was quiet (it was loud before and that was part of the anger problem) because i was thinking back over the moment and got pissed again. i spent art being too mad and wanting to write this down to focus. im either too sad or too pissed to be productive.i cheated on the chemistry test i was doing two days after everyone else by going 10 minutes or so over time because no one was supervising me. i was only two questions off from finishing, and i needed the extra time to finish it all up. i wasted time making the graph neat so i needed the extra time anyway. i also used a more fancy calculator for one question and googled stuff, but those are less influential.something about going home without the normal walking friends made me feel really bad, and the one girl who is known for being super violent was there and i was walking with/near her and i told her if she ever wanted to fight i am ready and prepared to be a target whenever. she declined the offer because she said she only knows how to punch and do once-off violence, not actual fighting. i kept trying to make her hurt me but she only hit me once with a leafy stick she was hitting the other people with (as is standard for her) and it didn't even hurt that much. she left before i could ask her if i could be her punching bag, no fighting back.i don't know why im feeling so bad and death-desiring lately. nothings particularly bad right now. is it just because im back at school?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Z8WRdGIZoU

Storyboard of Kerberos unit my DIY music activity Ashes to bones will be reflected to my pulsesignal site along with pictures and DIY CD.Along with MI6 Kerberos unit map fortress coordinate systems.I like film steamroller and violin by talkovsky and Fellini Satyricon Nothing in matter of anime.Anime sucks..My DIY music activity will be short British military horror film. Story board of Ashes to bones. After riot and activist genocide in London UK. Peace negotiating was declined by capitalism. Politic were waiting for time to execute system with controlling brains using Military spec Resulted reduce of population. Against military side stating From Ashes to ground they kill all. City was nuked successfully. Tokyo 5times LA USA Self detonation. More than Coup de tat NSA/MI6 was onto.. America turned out virus attack from China. Parasite Japan was coordinated by GHQ to nuke each region to wipe-out Japanese next to Chinese both onto hands of islamic terrorist nations. Biological Warfare in China caused themselves to be dominated by own.. Somewhere Euro and UK. Program was Already simulated. Rest of the hands bloody cultures from volcano and tidal wave they deplete rest except UK/EURO LONDON UK Kerberos unit. SS White gang wipe-out youth. Dressed black military arms loaded. Self feed. Onto reconstruction Project. Kerberos favor necro play shooting dead bodies acclaiming ugly art results.. Playing with deadbodies and hitech western military firearms with no shame they slang to deadbodies. MI6 direct is Kerberos unit. Feeding information. Military build or uses castles and defense mainly operated. Fortress Kerberos unit acclaims it. To the defunct fortress restore to secured supply route.. DATA Assault is Kerberos unit objects. And Myself Yuto Hirata was successfully deployed to meet Kerberos unit. Seeing SS White genocide joys in Manchester after trashed Japan with GHQ Genocide mode with nuke... Step by step Yuto Hirata came up with Anti terrorist assault proto. With online opensource to MI6 molse signaling online himself was not sure they are obtaining information from himself or not. By the time I am deployed myself GHQ in Japan Semper FI. Wipe-out all Japanese race breakout I am loaded with mossad assault handguns and it would blow and detonate head if close range. 1British SS white and 1JFK white was Nazi kill rush along with MI6. You two received my info. Yuto Hirata craving for love from Manchester girl ... whos skinny black messed up hair with glasses very skinny pale. Fury one stating blonde took my emo boy away.... Military Airstrike coordinate we can report and if London is restored. We Kerberos unit must make salo.. for fortress soldiers brave acts of patriotism. Our selfeed onto MI6 Kerberos unit Yuto Hirata with direct senses. To the direction of Vatican.. where beautiful and romantic is... After making salo... To Italia.. from UK coordinate. Report top secret military Project UK to Vatican.. ... Where our love and romance are... this place will be buried... 3Kerberos unit member including one Japanese Yuto Hirata .. are onto coordinate to Vatican Italia.. with love...

I'm tired all the time, I'm either super happy or things are just bad and I don't feel like doing anything. There's no reason, there's a bunch of reasons, none of them are bad enough to justify it. I've been thinking of going back to stuff I know is no good, I can't talk about this to anyone because they look at me like I've gone bonkers, and I haven't gone bonkers. At some point I thought I had, I went to talk to someone about it, a counselor, but it didn't feel good, it didn't feel good to have it out there, it felt like it wanted to make it's way right back into my brains, so i pretended everything was normal, I don't even know what I'm up against. Sometimes I think I'm making sh*t up for attention, I go full weeks where I'm fine, where nothing happens. I don't want to promote feeling sad.I don't want to promote aching.I don't anyone, ever, to think that this is cool.So I can't describe what I feel without risking it, I can't talk about the things I want to do, but it's there, in my mind, and i feel so powerless.sorry about the rant. i just needed at least some of it out.goodnight, my dms are always open if anyone needs help thru tough times ♥

MI6 Transmission Over... Our coordinate near by Manchester.. Guns loaded. Food supply route coordinated. Report us directions to other remaining Fortress. We obtained DATA from Germany. Air to Ground Full ammunition and Firearms supplies dropped. London zoned out. All fortress down in London. Kerberos Unit Ready.. Yuto Hirata...

I'm really depressed. It seems like nothing goes right in my life. If you don't know my current situation, I'll explain.I was living with my sister until September. She went through a divorce and lost her house to her husband, leaving me with nowhere to go. My friend invited me to come stay with his aunt and uncle temproarily so I could get on my feet. So, I moved in with my friend, his aunt and uncle, and his cousin. in early-mid September. I'm still here 10 months later.In October (about a month after I moved in) me and my friends cousin hit it off and started dating. And we are still dating, 9 months later.Anyways, In the 10 months I've been living here, I worked for only 1 month (the month of December.) At the end of December, I called out of work and went to the hospital because I was feeling very suicidal. And I've attempted suicide in the past, but now I had a good boyfriend who cared about me, and I didn't wnt to end up killing myself and depressing him. So I went to the hospital, which resulted in me being putt in the 51/50 ward for a night, and then transfered to a mental health hospital, where I ended up staying a few days before I voluntarily left to go back home to my friend's house (right before New Years.) This resulted in me losing my job (I had a hard time getting the paperwork I needed to prove I was in the hospital.) Since then, I've been applying to Jobs with no luck. I've had a few interviews, but that's where it always ends. So I'm going to a temp agency my friend's aunt recommended this coming Monday. My friend's aunt and uncle (I'll just refer to them as my bf's parents from here on) are planning to have a talk with me about the fact that I haven't been working and am not paying rent (my friend pays them rent every month, so it's absolutely unfair that I've been here 10 months without paying rent, and I completely understand that.) I told them that I'm going to the temp agency on Monday, but they still wanna have the talk with me.I think they are also upset because I've been mostly staying in my room (my bf's room, really) ever since he left for school. But, to be fair, this last week I had a really bad sunburn and was trying to rest to recover from it since it was incredibly painful to move. But anyways.....now that you are all caught up...I'm so depressed. I've been having suicidal thoughts again and I dont know what to do. I've also thought of self-harm, but I dont really wanna do self-harm or commit suicide, but the thoughts have been prevalent in my mind anyways. I don't know what to do. Because of how I act and seem on the outside, therapists just tell me I don't really need therapy because I'm already mature enough to understand where my depression comes from, and because I have no intention of harming or killing myself regardless of the invasive thoughts. So basically, I'm a high-functioning depressive, so I don't need the therapy, apparently. But it's so hard. Even though I know the invasive thoughts, like that I'm worthless and pathetic, among other things, even though I know those thoughts aren't true, it's still really really hard not to listen to and believe them.Especially with all the things I've been going through, not just recently, but over the course of my life. I don't know what to do, besides crying when I'm alone at night and telling myself the nightmares I have are just bad dreams. Anyways, I'm just so depressed and I needed to get it out. If you read to this point, thank you for listening.

If you're reading this, repost it with your own version of the alphabet and a blank version!! Don't give any same answers as the person you've copy/pasted this from!(made by May Skelly 220780 - taken from May Skelly)xleohonorx's version of the alphabet!A is for ApathyB is for Betrayal C is for CheatD is for DemolishedE is for EnvyF is for FakeG is for GoneH is for HardshipI is for Invincible J is for JealousyK is for KilljoyL is for LonelyM is for MacabreN is for NumbO is for ObsceneP is for Pessimistic Q is for QuitR is for RevengeS is for SarcasmT is for Tragedy U is for UglyV is for ViolenceW is for Watercooler < Google water cooler romance, I don't mean the objectX is for XCY is for YawnZ is for Zealous

I'm trying to figure out if I am going to pull an all nighter. Sometimes I do that on the nights that I have work super early because I know that I won't wake up for work. Once I fall asleep, it is hard to wake up unless I have at least 12 hours of sleep. Last night I only had about 11 hours of sleep. I am tired as f*** because I didn't get 12 hours of sleep. I don't know what is wrong with me. How am I tried after 11 hours of sleep. I don't get it. I'm tired like I want to fall asleep but I don't want to be tired as f*** tomorrow before work. Ugh. I can't make up my mind. F*** it. I think I'm going to just stay awake. I might take a nap I don't know god I hate not being able to make up my damn mind.