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anti anti anti

05/30/2021 12:53 AM 

crying

i hate crying. i hate when people say that its good to cry because it helps get your emotions out so it helps you feel better but it really doesnt. i get snotty, my eyes burn as i hiccup my way through shallow breaths and awkward cries of of discomfort. i hate the confusion of crying. its so overwhelming and intense that i dont know what im feeling because its all just too much. then once im done im so tired and achey that i just go to sleep and by the time i wake up i cant even rememeber what i was upset about. i hate the way people treat you when you cry. sometimes people get angry and tell you theres no reason for you to be crying, say your faking and being dramaric. sometimes people treat you like a baby, like your imcompetent and cant be trusted alone just because youre sad. i wish i could scream. scream until my voice gives out so when i cry so i dont make any noise, so i dont bother anyone. so i can just be alone with the way that i feel.

tero

01/29/2023 11:03 PM 

dungeons and dragon struggles :(

I am having a hard time writing a plot for my non-predictable chaotic friends. I know I want to base it off of Alice in Wonderland, peter pan, and the secret garden but do it almost like the 1800s meet post-modern affairs. Does that make sense to anyone?My friends make it so hard to write and with the current campaign going on I feel like all my ideals are just spin off's of my current DM. f***. but like a polite quiet f***. IDK what to do I write it like a novel and just force a plot line no matter what or just free-ball it. i am good at improve but what if i choke? would brief point form notes help/work better? I need a more experienced DM. 

#help #nerds #writing #planning #funny #dungeons #and #dragons #dungeonsanddragons #geeks #DM

Coppelia

01/29/2023 08:30 PM 

Performance at The Well

This past Saturday I felt honored for being able to perform at "The Well" during their open mic night.  I performed one of the first songs I've ever written.  I don't have this song available on my SoundCloud so if you'd like to hear the not even two minute song the YouTube link to the video of my performance is below:https://youtu.be/ZRIn6-JKDcE

songs, music, songwriter, singer, soundcloud

Coppelia

01/29/2023 08:02 PM 

January 29th 2023

These past few days have been very busy. Friday, I had the day off.  I requested the day off as I had a job interview that day.  The interview was at eleven and I woke up at eight.  I had a few hours to kill before needing to get ready and so I called an old friend.  We talked about new relationships, jokes, videos, and music.  Turns out, he really likes my music!  We talked on the phone until an hour before my interview. After our call, I started getting ready for my interview.  The business had emailed me before-hand and told me that I needed to dress in business attire.  Luckily, I had a woman's business suit from thrifting with my mother that has been begging to be worn.   The interview wasn't exactly what I expected.  I expected an actual interview; people asking me questions and me asking questions in return.  Instead, this was part one of a two-part interview.  Part one was just listening to the manager of the office I was applying for explaining the history of the business and how my first year would look. After finishing the "interview", I called my friend again and started reworking my song "Self Crucifixion."  I finally finished the song and it's now able to stream!  I'll leave a link below: Self Crucifixion on SoundCloud Later I went to Dungeons and Dragons night with my lover and his family.  It was a fun night, I learned that I have a secret love for Pedialyte apple juice. Saturday was nerve-wracking.  My lover and I spent the whole day at his home.  I drew a bit and watched him play Red Dead Redemption II.  Later that night was when the nerves upped a notch.  My lover, a friend, the friend's girlfriend, and I went to a local open mic night at a church called, "The Well." I was one of the last people to go up on stage because I signed up last but I was still super nervous.  Here's a photo of what I looked like on stage: The song I decided to play was an original song called, "Yet."  I haven't uploaded it to SoundCloud yet so if you want to listen to it the link to the YouTube video of my performance is below: Yet at The Well Today was a calming day.  I woke up at my lover's house and we went to McDonald's for breakfast.  Not the healthiest choice but it was so good.  After watching him play RDRII for a few more hours it was time for me to go home.   When I arrived home my mother told me that my room wasn't clean enough for us to move around furniture.  I spent all afternoon and half of the evening cleaning my room and only being able to get the closet clean.  I'm so tired of cleaning that I pushed the mess on my bed to one side of my bed.  Tomorrow I will clean around my vanity and my bed so I can sleep better tomorrow night. 

diary, journal, life updates

Dominic Anthony

01/29/2023 01:04 PM 

NEOCRALITE AND ESPITINU LANDS was planets QUINTARIA 2003 2013 2023 20 years

NEOCRALITE AND ESPITINU I remember yeah what was I on certainly not for years not now oh yeah and ALL THOSE OTHER PLACES I ME CREATED THEY're MINE NEOCRALITE PEGASUSES NEOCRLALITE PHOENIX's they battled each other NECROLAITE NIGHTSHADES. NEOCRALITE UNICORNS&DRAGONS, ESPITINUtoo

Dominic Anthony

01/29/2023 12:01 PM 

EWTN says the end of the church age then the satanic temples masonic temples must close down

( Kiss ) ( Creatures of The Night ) (Backing Track) ( Original Vocals )    Youtube Fond of Gene Simmons Bass and your vocals on the original recording also new originals characters wasnt a mis step it brought Kiss new life.  twitters and facebooks if the catholic/christian churches close down...the satanic temples mason templesmust close down it's for the betterment of humanity.

✵Breesean✵

01/28/2023 11:40 PM 

You said you loved me.
Current mood:  confused

You said you loved meSo how could you have let me go You said you loved me But all my highs seem right back low You said loved me Then why do I feel so alone But you said you loved me So how could I be on my own - Breesean

✵Breesean✵

01/28/2023 03:50 PM 

Confession
Current mood:  adventurous

Everything I do is wondrous. 

Coppelia

01/26/2023 04:46 PM 

January 26th 2023

Today was absolutely dreadful.   My day started off with moving an office back to its home for, hopefully, the final time.  Theo told the employees in that office to empty out their fridge before we move it.  They didn't.  As me and Theo moved the fridge it left a trail of snacks and the sealing broke.  I was pretty pissed as I knew that that office would complain that we broke their fridge.  On my way back to their temporary office one of the employees asked me, "What's wrong with your face?" In response I told her, "The seal is broken on your fridge since y'all can't even empty a damn fridge." I didn't hear her response, but I know she was taken aback since I usually just stay quiet.  Turns out she told the supervisors which meant my father found out what I said.  He called the woman into his office and made me apologize to her, as well as her supervisor.  Apparently, they must have dyslexia of the ears as they claim that I said, "Your fridge is broken since y'all can't even empty a f***ing fridge." That made me even more pissed!  I said an apology, cried in my father's office for a bit, then went back to work. For a good while work went well afterwards.  That was until the temporary building manager told us that we had to replace all the televisions in an office.  Theo went headless chicken mode which ensued the rest of the day to be a panic.  The same office that I apparently cursed out an employee decided that the desk they had wasn't good enough, so we had to go over to the sister company, pick up an old desk of theirs, drop off our old desk at the dump, and bring in the used desk.   Finally, it seemed like the day was calming down.  Theo told me to put together the two new carts that were delivered.  I wasn't really upset about it; it was only attaching the wheels and the handle.  Easy right? Wrong.  The bolts that were issued for the carts had heads that were too big.  This meant that every time I tried to tighten a bolt, the wheel got in the way from it fully securing. After half an hour of struggling I was finally able to get the first cart together.  This was when my coworker finally came out of the shop to help me build the other one.  I didn't find it fair that this certain coworker does next to nothing, so I just left them there with the tools and instructions to build the second one. By the time I got back to the shop it was ten minutes 'til clock out time.   Now that I've been home and calmed down a bit, I realize that what I did was pretty mean to my coworker.  Even though he doesn't do a lot he is always trying to keep a positive mood in the shop.  I've since apologized to him as he is technically my cousin.   At least today was my Friday.  I took the day off tomorrow for my job interview with a phone company.  I hope everything goes well and I'll be able to put my two weeks in on Monday.

diary, journal, life updates

Angel

01/26/2023 01:35 PM 

I'm a published author!
Current mood:  accomplished

Granted, I am not receiving payment, but I am honored to be writing for Mystic Living Today. I finally have an official place to share articles about my spirituality, Vitalism. https://mysticlivingtoday.com/I write under the name Alecia Windfelder, which is my legal name. I would love to do articles and videos on Gaia.com, but they are not accepting new contributors. I've been considering writing letters to their CEO to ask for an exception. That I can find they don't have anything like Vitalism represented in their selections, and I think Vitalim ought to be. It's unique, and in my opinion very important. 

spirituality, writing, Vitalism, New Age, metaphysics

Coppelia

01/25/2023 09:50 PM 

January 25th 2023

Today was absolutely magnificent.  It started off slow and not quite the best.  This morning me and Theo had to go outside on the scissor lift to replace a broken window.  The ground outside wasn't level and so we had problems with the lift not going up high enough. After our window endeavor, we went back to the shop.  While in there I checked my phone to find out that one of the new jobs I applied for wanted to interview me!  Immediately I tried calling back, but the business was closed so instead I sent an email.  Right away they called me back and we scheduled a mini-interview during my lunch break.  When my lunch break came around, I called the business back and we set up a full interview for Friday!  The only problem was that the interview was supposed to take place at eleven a.m. Luckily, I had enough vacation time to take off Friday and tell my boss so that he could approve my request.  I'm very excited and hope that I get the position. Later during the workday, me and my coworkers found out that Theo applied to a different place as well out of fear of being terminated. All in all, today was a great workday. Once I arrived at home I took the family dog out for a walk; or at least I tried to.  It was pouring and she doesn't very much like the rain, so it was a struggle just to get her in the grass.  Eventually she peed a bit but then she ran back inside. Afterwards I took a shower and got changed before heading to my lover's house.  There we cuddled and watched a movie together before going through the drive-thru for dinner.  Not long after getting back to his house and finishing my meal I had to go home.  It was still pouring so I was a bit nervous about driving my tiny car home, but I made it! I'm absolutely ecstatic for Friday.  Wish me good luck!

diary, journal, life updates

vampfreakfive

01/25/2023 08:04 AM 

serious rant about school
Current mood:  melancholy

to sum up my wonderful day yesterday, a teacher literally called me a selfesh peice of sh*t for having depression, called me selfesh, told me that im guilttripping my sister (caregiver) every single day, fed into my delusions, and literally told me her son died and shes fine after to make it seem like im a f***ing lazy cunt, well f*** then, im clearly not going to school till this a**hole gets delt with. My sister s caling the school board today, i may even do it before her, im just sick of this sh*t, beng literally BULLIED BY TEACHERS. Not even students, theres maybe like one or two kids who are rude but like thats a thing in every school, now thef***ing TEACHERS DOING IT? like holy sh*t when did the f***ing roles switch up? my biggest bullies ever have been teachers, not students. i hate this f***ing trash schoo, i thought it would be different, maybe the next school will be.

school, anger, love, diary, journal, sleep, night

funeral

01/25/2023 06:10 PM 

hell

its been hell so i had to a lot of choas in my life recently but my freind got to call me on my birthday she told a guy i was into who she was freinds with moved away and that broke my heart i had plans to meet him on my birthday but then the next day she ghosted me she told me we could call the next day and i was waiting so i called her but no answear called again still no answear but now i think of it it it seems like we have been losing touch i told her i was gonna take a break this lonleyness is hell i know its temporary well thats what i keep saying she the only freind i gt only one am close too plus listening to some dsbm really hits once your life has gone to sh*t but i hope it gets better 

Coppelia

01/24/2023 07:52 PM 

January 24th 2023

Apologies for not writing yesterday, I've been busy making music and spending time with my lover.  Nothing interesting happened yesterday. The day was spent moving offices, once again, for new flooring.   Once I got home, I had to turn around and take off once again. I had to return a package from StitchFix which meant I had to go to the post office. After that chore was finished I checked on my screen-printing stencil to see if the modpodge had dried. It finally had and so I grabbed an old white shirt and started painting. To my surprise, It turned out to work perfectly! The only thing I'm worried about is the paint chipping off in the washer, even though I mixed it with fabric softener. Here's a picture of the shirt;   Today at work wasn't much different, other than Theo thoroughly pissing everyone off. I had the honor this morning of playing errand boy. I had to grab a drill bit from the shop and bring it to Tyler, then Theo wanted his driver set. Tyler didn't want Theo to use his driver set which meant I had to go back to the shop to retrieve Theo's. I brought him his set and then he tells me that he wanted me to fix the charging stations and replace all the screws so that they matched the phones.   After I went back to the shop to retrieve my tools, I came to the realization that the phone screws and the charging screws were already the same. I tried to tell Theo this but he was too stubborn to even listen. I ended up replacing the screws with full knowledge that I'll be back there next week to replace them again when he finally realizes. Once I got home, I took the family dog out and followed up with nothing. I did nothing for a few hours before dinner. After dinner, I started the final editing on "Queen of the Hill". I've been going back and forth about how I wanted this song to sound but I think that I finally found a sound I'm happy with. I'll put a link to the song below; Queen of the Hill

diary, journal, life updates

xxMiaMorbidxx

01/24/2023 01:24 PM 

hobbies n happy thoughts

I've beene feeling better ever since taking a break from school! I've been able to focus on my hobbies more and it feels nice. I feel like this is what I want from life. Just working a bit and relaxing. I wish I could stay like this forever, but without the depression.Hobbies I've been workin on:   ☆crochet   ☆drawing/doodling   ☆video games   ☆reading(well...I'm trying to..)



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