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10/07/2021 11:27 PM 

Current mood:  calm

hoping to fall in love in october 


10/07/2021 01:27 AM 


heyheyyyyso i know i told myself i wouldnt hang with any guys or even feel so inclined to text, call, etc. but plz Cis so cute i............. it genuinely blows me away LOL,... we talked on the phone and told each other a lot about our personal lives. we have so much in commonn aaaa.. i hadnt seen many pics of him since i deleted my instagram but i knew he was cute anywayz. basicaly, i went to school today and its my day off of work. so last min i was like "hey, r u at work still??" he said no. i was playing fishy and hard to get i guEsssSSS AAA LMFAOAOOA SO CRINGE AHSBFA. i was like "ohh well ive already haeded out of town back home, nvm :-(" bc i live an hour away. and he was likeWAITWE WERE GONNA HANG OUT ?? :(SO OF COURSE I TURNED AROUND FOR HIM, DROVE TO HIS HOUSE TO GET HIM, AND WE HUNG OUT. hes so much cuter irl omgodmgfg. his dimples. his brown hair. his glasses. i cant. he smells so good too iiisisaakjsndjfnjn. he thinks im realy cuteeee he told me that once we parted ways:-'''))we went to panda express to just chat and eat and he paid for my food. i was even too nervous to order for myself since it was new food but he said my order for me. i dont know why but that GGENUINELY melted my heart.wats wrong with me aa.he told me that he understood that i'd said the other night on the phone that i don't like visiting each other's houses on the first time meeting (talking about a red flag of an ex) so he respected that but next time we hang, im welcome to come into his house lol:-) crossing my fingers aa. THIS PROBABLY ISNT GOOD FOR ME AT ALL BUT I CANT ATTTT HELPPpppppp. i know he has good intentions and i know hes  agreat guy to have around at the least but i am not ready. he knows that. riley


10/07/2021 01:41 PM 

weird guy
Current mood:  warm

sooo story time guys :P..... some weird guy from school emailed me on my school email- weird as hell- and he was like "u look like my daughter from tha future so... hey" and he emailed me during our chem class together but i didnt see it till a week or two later bcz i never check my school email...... or my email in general...... and so we emailed back and forth bcz i was sooo confuseeeedddd bruh... like GODDAMN!!!!!!!! ugh couple emails later he sends me a pic of him w "rate the drip???" and then a pic of his friend w a "rate his drip???".... and UGH!!!!!!!!! his friend is such a pick me boy........ but michael- the guy who emailed me first- has such a nice personality and ugh i enjoy talking 2 him sm..... idk what 2 do bruh!!!!!! :(((   


10/06/2021 09:30 PM 

Meta as F***
Current mood:  cynical

October 6, 2021, Wednesday began with waking up. Unfortunately. At 8 a.m, I grabbed a coffee and a muffin from the Pigott building cafe. Sat next to a stranger in the landings by my classroom. She was on her laptop and listening to music. She left. Another guy arrived and asked if that seat was taken. I said no. We sat together for a few minutes and then departed to our respective classes. Brad, my post-colonial/imperialist history professor, asked each person in the class what they thought was one thing that was underrated or overrated. I said bagels were overrated. A few people spoke after me. Class began with a review of the readings we had done the night before; Nervous Conditions by Tsitsi Dangaremgba, a narrative told through the eyes of Tambu and her life in Rhodesia. Class was a blur, but the whining of the emotional support dog next to me kept me alert. I left class feeling anxious and overwhelmed.Stopped and got lunch from the dining hall on the way back to my dorm. The stairs were particularly difficult that day. Lunch was a mix of pasta, salad, vegetables, chicken, and a caramel sea salt nut bar. After coming back to my dorm, I waited for my Japanese zoom class to begin. It was a chapter review test on everything that we learned in chapter 1 of our textbook. I did really well. We also had a hiragana reading test. Did well on that too. Class ended abruptly and I waited for my boyfriend to arrive as we planned. It was a nice hour and a half. We watched part of a movie and cuddled up on my twin-sized bed. it was hard to see him go. It always is. Once he left, I retrieved a package from the lobby front desk of my dorm. It was a Brita filter that my mom had purchased for me a week earlier. I set that up and stored it in my room's mini-fridge. After that, I noticed that I was hungry and headed back to the dining hall to get dinner, which was a hamburger and another caramel sea salt nut bar. Dinner was also a blur, but I managed to keep myself from throwing up. Thank god for weed. Now I am here, writing about my day because I rediscovered this website and remembered the account that I already had. Which is this one. I am currently on a discord call with my boyfriend, screen sharing this writing process. Send tweet.

slice of life


10/06/2021 10:31 PM 

College Sh*t - First Month
Current mood:  anxious

so far i've only been in college for a month and if i'm being completely real i was forced to apply by my sh1tty mom because she holds me at such a high standard and it makes me want to scream but that's besides the point - first week of college my partner broke up with me and now i don't really have much of a support throughout this sh*t. ?? but some of the classes are fun and so far i really like the stuff we're doing in photography so that's something to hold onto so i can make it through this year ...i've made a few new friends and there's this "alt" person in my group and they're really cool and it's hard to tell if i have a crush on them or i just reallyyyy want to be their friend !! i've started going by strictly they/them online and in college and it feels so good ♥ i hate he/him ,, i don't think i'd like being called that anymore ... BUT , anything is better than she/her ... :] so far: made friends ! found a class i enjoy ! and struggling with time management but shhh .... 

college, photography, gay, anxious


10/06/2021 06:57 PM 


I would like to speak about relationships a little bit. It is something i've always struggled with. My life with my mom from a baby to around 12 years old was really rough for me. I always feel as I was never accepted so it was hard for me to trust anyone. That might be the reason I isolate myself so often. Though I have to say I have started to feel better about what i've been doing. I feel more comfortable with things. Now when I get to know someone I don't feel pressured to be really open to them. I know how two make boundaries for myself.


10/06/2021 03:28 PM 

new computer update
Current mood:  content

yoooo I bought a bluetooth speaker 4 my pc bc it obv doesn't have speakers & damn. that hoe sounds like a movie theater. I was playin the mimic w/ my friend on roblox & the sound was amazin. felt like I was in it lol. the quality is still insane. like woooooow. we're gonna play the next chapter of this game once I get off school. lookin forward 2 it 


10/06/2021 02:58 PM 

Current mood:  confused

I took some tests online 2 see if I'm neurodivergent & I honestly thought I related 2 adhd but turns out I am more likely 2 have autism. then I took depression tests & gaaaawdam I got high scores. so uh...yea. was tearin up takin some of these tests cos like damn. what if I do get diagnosed w/ autism. some mfs won't take me seriously & think of me as a fvckin alien. I feel as normal as any other human bein...jus w/ a lil twist, that's all. I'm debatin if I should go see a professional or jus stay mysterious 4 life lmao

Cho <3!!!

10/06/2021 02:21 PM 

Current mood:  adventurous

OKIE HI!!! my name is cho! i am sixteen and a girl ^3^ i've been emo since i was like... 9 or 10. dont remember LOLS! my favorite animals are bunnies and i cannot choose a fav band but i reallyyy like sleepin with sirens! i like making friends and anime especially the ones from the 2000s!!! it'd be cool to make some more emo friends cuz i dont know many emos as it is lols >__> i can be friends wif like anyone...scene... emo... NORMAL PEOPLE (so like neither) ( joking! lols im a jokester)... as long as i like ur vibes! umm i dont dislike much except for bigots and creeps basically?? i also cant read typing styles that replace letters with numbers and symbols a whole bunch. liek if every sentence u type is typed like that i dont think speaking wif you will be very easy 4 me im sorry ;__; BUTTT i can deal with smaller differences in typing and typos. cuz i cant spell. ANYWAAYYS my favorite food is rice and my favorite music genres are emo midwest emo and shoegaze!! i am german and NOT ready to party (i has social anxiety)IM SUPERRR NERVOUS 2 BE HERE. i hope people like me!!!! im really nice and stuffs i just chill out bro... IM me anytime (do ppl still use the word IM?) so likeee message me if u wanna hang out n chill or somethin yayyyy!  :P im a bit awkward n im sorry if i reply late i probably got busy but i likely wont cuz i live on the internet. its my literal life force.  

about me


10/06/2021 12:18 PM 


My new song is out!

music, new music, sadcore, slowcore, post rock, alternative


10/06/2021 02:60 AM 

my annual annoyingly festive blog post™ >:D
Current mood:  headphones

  ey hey~!! I was at my friend's house over the weekend to celebrate my birthday! We were gonna do it on my actual bday weekend (it was 9/25 as u prob saw on stream xD) but he had stuff to do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ tbh it kinda worked out better that way, and it was as good as I was hoping it would be~ ^^  n Friday, my new headset finally came in the mail!! It's been a long two weeks w/o them ToT But after going through three listings and two refunds/cancellations (bc I didnt wanna pay $170 to get them directly oof) I finally have them~ *o* It's my first time having a razer headset that has chroma stuff (despite me having had like, 3 kraken headsets in the past lolrip), and lemme say its been rly fun to mess around with in synapse :D you can have lighting effects layered and specific ones for different games/programs, its rly something~ so ofc I took them with me bc I knew I'd be thinking abt them all weekend if I didn't, and now I think my friend wants a pair for himself xD he doesn't even like headsets lmaoo  she's listening to Young Veins (Die Tonight) lolol  n Saturday, one of our friends invited us to go apple picking! And it was rly cool to see her again since we haven't hung out in forever. (I'm just rly glad we got to go at all, since it almost didnt happen D:) The orchard we went to has great donuts and cider, and tbh that's all I was really there for xD but apples are cool too ig :P we got like a gallon of cider and it was all gone by sunday night xD I also lowkey dressed up to go? I didn't wanna wear a coord or anything since its picking, so I got as close as I could xP (lowkey sidenote but does anyone remember when, at least in the western lolita community, it was kind of illegal™ to use detachable waist bows as anything other than waist bows? I use my powder rose one here for everything, I even use it as a headbow... how scandalous! xD)   idk if i wanna put my face out there so... enjoy my thematic censoring lmao  n Sunday, we went to the bookstore! He said he'd get me whatever books I wanted ^^ So I got Scott Pilgrim vol2 and Killjoys National Anthem!! I've wanted to read this since it was announced, so I'm glad I finally can omggg  I got the only hardcover copy they had, I had to get it for the cool desert spider on the front :P They also had Kirarich markers, they're these rly cool highlighters that have glitter! I didn't even know that was possible :o I also wore a simple coord bc how could I not?? :P I picked Whip Factory since it has birthday cakes on it xD    e also finally finished watching Buffy! The ending was rly good ^^ Now I have to read all the comics lol, a very long road ahead of me xD Thankfully he has most of the canon ones so I don't have to do too much work haha. And we made more progress in Halo CE, he finally made it far enough to get creeped out by the flood xD he seemed more spooked of the regular ones than the actual infected marines/covenant that can kill him xDD And I finally started Halo 4, I'm already sucked in and I'm only on the second mission lol. (I do think the terminal vids being in the companion app is rly dumb tho :/ ) Dr. Halsey seems like trash so far, She was rude to me in the little bit of reach I played, but I hope she can help cortana >_> and get prosecuted for her legit war crimes bc wtf gave her the idea to CREATE THE SPARTAN PROGRAM??? also wtf did the marines do to piss off the covenant again in the 4 years we've been out of the game like ??? idek what happened yet but I can just feel it was the marines lmfao xD ik it doesnt get resolved by the end of this game bc afaik Halo 5 is abt Locke going after Master Chief? And Arbiter sent him to kill us so... rip our friendship it was good while it lasted  ut yeah, thats all the notable stuff that happened over the weekend! My bday means a lot to me, so getting to do something fun after being so stressed for so long was really great. The next thing we plan on doing is for halloween, so if I don't post I'll at least write something for that :P As always, thx for reading! (okay did anyone know u can set the minutes of the blog post time to X:60? xDD amazing)  



10/05/2021 05:58 PM 

## :: 001
Current mood:  confused

brother wants 2 come with us on halloween but we'll have 2 use my birth name :/ not excited !!! but at the same time i cant let him NOT come bc he has like severe depression ???2?2?3 dk!!!!! mom might kill me if i dont let him go lmfao



10/05/2021 02:05 PM 

- untitled 12 -
Current mood:  anxious

in a "i'll sob aggressively if someone asks me if i'm okay" kinda mood. some people spilt water on me too so that really makes me want to smile. really just want to go home. don't know what joy they get from pestering me. i want to report the sh*t she does to a teacher, but I don't even know who I would tell. i feel like im making a big deal out of nothing. being called a girl was definitely the cherry on top.


10/05/2021 01:51 PM 

computer virus
Current mood:  inquisitive

why are computer viruses so fun to learn about? so cool

virus, computer,


10/05/2021 12:54 PM 

Current mood:  sick

home sick bc im throwing up

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