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why do i feel like i can not breathe anymore?why does my heart race?you left me with a smilebut theres no f***ing way im waiting for 27 to join the club, because ive nothing to hold on for anymore

1. favorite magical girl show? Cardcaptor Sakura! Close runner up is Flip Flappers2. favorite magical girl transformation scene? Cocona and Papika's. I love the sparkles and the DINK sound effect when every piece of clothing appears so much3. what would your magical girl self look like? aaaa she'd have lots of different forms depending on the weapon she used I think, I've dressed in mahou kei before. She'd have a short but very poofy dress or skirt4. what kind of powers would you most like to have? A gun or wand with a similar shooting power to Chibi Usa's pink sugar heart attack5. favorite magical girl opening? The first CCS op or Re Cutie Honey hehe6. first magical girl series you watched? Tokyo Mew Mew!7. what is your favorite thing about magical girls? I love the stories and everything they stand for. Their strength and the concepts of hope and overcoming adversity. Also lesbians.8. favorite ost from a magical girl series?  Bee and Puppycat ost. it's so magical and melancholic. That series always makes me emotional 9. favorite magical girl outfit? how do you expect me to choose one?10. if you could create a magical girl series, what would it be like? A more battle based series, I like melee combat and with it was explored more in magical girls (tho I understand why it isn't). Apparently precure bas a lot of dbz type combat, I should rlly get onto it but hh so long. 11. favorite magical girl friendship/relationship? URANUS AND NEPTUNE!! also papika and cocona, hobey and nat-chan and tomoyo and sakuraaaa12. best voice acting? pff idk13. if you could pick any familiar, which one would you have? (existing or create your own!) my puppy Hamster! I'm considering blinging a dog collar for him to match a choaker with me14. favorite episode of a magical girl series? idkk,, probably the dementia ep of flip flappers, I cried so much15. what magical girls do you admire and why? Sakura, she's just so strong and wonderful, I love her!! Also Bee, I relate to her a Lot and I hope one day I'll be as strong as her.

it's not really your faultit's just years of placing rocks one by one on top of each otherand a sudden gust of wind could knock it over.i'm wondering why you can never be kind to memaybe i just have one of those faces that makes you want to dangle hope in front of it and snatch it away when i get too close.next shooting star, please wish for a heart because i can't keep talking to statues.my therapist says humanising inanimate objects is bad for my health. but it's hard to shake a nine-year-old habit.the tidal waves try to drag me down but my head bobs in the water.one more crash and i might be sleeping with the fishes.abby x

Friday. A wonderful day. A day to wash some pain away. But forever i know it will never fully go away. For some are broken and can't be fixed. Unless you find one who cares for you. and will never fade from your life. Which is hard to do considering people like to judge. Like to make fun of.  Like to call names. And love to hate you. It's a rough world. From childhood we always said we will never hurt ourselves or be positive or happy all the time. Boy were we wrong. To all those self harming and are thinking of suicide please talk to someone. It's not to late It's never to late.

       Omg! I f***ing hate painting my nails. Every time I paint my nails I end up f***ing them up during the drying process. I got this really pretty pink nail polish and I ended up messing it up. So f***ing annoying. I want to start painting my nails more though. The more I do it, the more practice I will have. With the more practice I have, the better I will get at it.       My boyfriend has been in such a pissy mood lately. I can''t f***ing stand it. He's constantly creating pointless arguments when he comes home from work. Like, leave that negativity elsewhere because I just got out of jail not that long ago, and now all I want to do is be happy and not argue anymore. I need to cleanse myself of anything bad. I don't want to sit there and argue, so a lot of times I just ignore him. I am no longer going to feed into is negative ass bullsh*t. Always wanting to start arguments is a really bad habit that he has. It's really childish and immature. I'm getting to that age where I don't want to deal with that type of sh*t. I just want my life to be peaches and roses.        I'm so happy that tomorrow is Friday! That means that we will be getting more weed! Thank god! I am a much happier person when I am high. Weed makes me want to be the best version of myself. I don't get mad as easily and I just feel really relaxed when I am high. I feel like I'm on top of the world and nothing could ruin that. I am a happier and more normal person when I am smoking weed. I have a sense of peace with the world. I feel happy when I am high as sh*t. I just want to enjoy it.       I did some stuff around the house today. I still have to do a few things, but for the most part, I did a pretty good job. All I really need to do now is the dishes that have been soaking in the sink for a few days. I am trying to get on top of that. If I don't do several dishes a day, I will end up with an extremely messy kitchen and I hate that sh*t. I used to be very into cleaning the apartment, but once we were more than half way through winter, I started to get really lazy due to being depressed. The spring weather must be f***ing with me or something because when it is really nice outside, I always want to clean the house. If it is nasty looking outside like it has been, I notice that I have a lot less motivation that I do when it is nice out. My boyfriend really doesn't do sh*t because he works all day so I am expected to clean the house, but it is very frustrating when I take the time to clean the house and he messes it up a day later. It is so f***ing frustrating! It's not hard to pick up after yourself and throw any trash that you have away. He usually trashes anything he touches. I mainly focus on cleaning the kitchen, my bedroom, and the bathroom because I don't go into the living room very often. I don't like the way that it is set up, so I don't usually sit out there anymore.        I am so tired. I am probably going to take a short nap before my boyfriend gets home. I worked really hard today. I accomplished a lot today, even though it was nothing super hard or crazy to do. I am so tired. I love sleeping. Sleeping is just the best thing ever esp when your super bored and you don't know what to do with yourself.  I know I haven't really typed much this time around, but thats because I am getting tired now and I just want to go to bed. I am so tired.

I saw an Angel soaring through the clouds & skySoaring threw the sky at an angleDiving downTo the groundAnd to my surpriseWhat did I seeWas that she was headed straight for meShe looked oddly familiarLike I saw her somewhere once beforeAnd it struck me to the coreBecause I never saw an angel beforeThen she spoke in such a loving & calming voiceShe said..."You have not been very goodYou're not behaving like you shouldI must tell you that you have a choiceEither turn your life aroundOr face the Devil's soundAn eternity undergroundGod loves youI wish I could make you seeThat he has done a lot for you out of his love & glory"Then she said..."The great Lord sent me to tell you thisBecause you're headed down the wrong pathPlease turn your life aroundSo you don't face God's wrathBefore I leaveYou get one wishAnd God will grant itWith pure bliss"So...My wish wasFor my Mom to turn her life aroundAnd get off the drugsTo be the woman she once wasThen the angel flew offBut before she was too far away to hearShe said..."Just remember.God will show his loveWay up above""One last thing I will tell you isReach in your pocketYou'll find a locketThen you will know who I am"So with that she was goneAll that was left from up a farWas a beautiful shining starAfter I got homeStill in shock and dismayThat God had sent an angel my wayI reached in my pocketAnd found the locketI looked insideAnd found a picture of my sisterI was shocked.For I have really missed herNow I know she is somewhere peaceful & safeAnd that made me feel betterSo better in factThat I must go for nowBecause I have a life to changeAnd that life is mineand mine aloneI've got to command the demons out of my lifeBecause it's my ownOnce I'm changedIt will be for the betterInstead of sitting in jailSome time laterI will break the chain that has been handed down to the next generationAnd bring some liberationA liberation of peace and harmonyBecause this life is a new lifeAnd it's worth celebratingBy Daniel McGuire  

it was fun yet boring because the music was not very cool (i'm not a fan of country music sorry to offend if you do) yet some class mates and i were screaming and yelling and making a scene because we wanted to have fun. We screamed the names of fruit and did fortnite dances and they sucked because i had to learn them in like 5 seconds lol. I was okay though and tomorrow i won't be on till later because i have a field trip. Bye

according to amazon, autistic adults don't exist! every pair of headphones meant for people with sensory issues are meant for children with sensory issues. i am eighteen, i have the body of an eighteen year old, i am an adult and i have autism! i have extreme problems with noise and more often than not require my headphones when going somewhere.i am just ranting because i bought a new pair i thought was going to be better than my current pair. it was listed as a pair of noise blocking headphones for adults with autism! they came today. they were toddler sized. 

Being 13 now is weird it's like being a kid and a young adult at the same time iv'e updated my real look i will post a pic later.

idk wut to say lulz :P 

When I was a young boy My father took me into the city To see a marching band He said, son, when you grow up Would you be the savior of the broken The beaten, and the damned

The scars remind me the past is real i tear my heart open just to feel

       This weekend I am supposed to be going to meet my birth father. I have been waiting here for my boyfriend to get off of work for awhile now. He told me he was going to be getting off around 12 pm and it is 2:10 now. My birth father called me but I am really not in the mood to talk on the phone for very long. I decided to text him instead. Kenny thinks that he is going to bail on me or something. I never even thought about that until he brought it up. Thanks a lot Kenny. Now I feel like I should hold off on packing or anything now because I'm thinking he might cancel. I don't personally think that he would do something like that, but Kenny told me ya never know. This stinks! I hope that he is completely wrong because that would be really f***ing petty of him to do. This weekend has been planed for at least 2 weeks now. I really hope that I can still go. I was planning for a fun weekend with everyone. I haven't met anyone from my dads side of the family yet. Hell, I haven't even met my dad yet! It's way over due to meet him. I feel like I get a long better with him than I do with my birth mother. She doesn't have the same personality as I do.        I just heard from my bio dad and he said we could come down at any time but that we needed to get a hotel. He said he would help pay for one if we needed him too. I am so excited! I can't wait! I knew Kenny was wrong! He even sent me his address so if he was planning on doing the dip on me he wouldn't have given me his address. Even if it was a fake address, I doubt someone would stoop that low. That would be pretty f***ing bogus! I hope we get a hotel with a pool. Even if it's some basic ass pool. I haven't gone swimming in awhile and its really good exercise. I am taking a break for the weekend to not work out. I don't want people watching me. I might later at the hotel though. I have to figure out what we are going to be doing about the cats. I might just leave two big bowels of dry food out for them while were gone. My parents will be out of town this weekend so my parents couldn't come over and get the animals fed. I can't just leave wet food out it will go bad. I don't want them getting sick or anything. I worry about them. They are pretty much my children at this point.        I finally finished the book I was reading. Now I am reading "The Shack". My mom read it first and then gave it to me saying it was a really good book. So far I'm liking it. I'm not very far into the book right now though. I am only on chapter two. If you already like a book in the first chapter, then thats an indicator its going to be a really good book. I try to read a chapter or two every single day. I don't think there is ever a day that I don't read. I would much rather read a book than watch TV, that is until I can no longer focus on reading anymore.        Kenny's cat Princess, has been really friendly with me lately. I think shes finally getting used to me. I used to yell at her a lot and sometimes chase her around the house out of frustration when she scratched on the furniture. I stopped doing that though. Now I just use the spray bottle and then they go running. I don't have to really do much lol. As much as they frustrate me sometimes, I still love them to pieces. They are acting their age too lol. They are still children in the people world. They are both about two or three years old. Human toddlers, do the exact same thing my cats do. It's kinda funny if ya think about it. I'm much more patient now because it's not like they can understand what I am saying and I can understand what they are saying. That only happens once in awhile.        My self-esteem is finally back now. I have been getting hit on like crazy too! Guys are constantly giving me attention. Maybe I feel prettier because I am prettier? LOL! I have no f***ing idea. I doubt it. Anyways, I really feel myself. I don't feel super unattractive like I was feeling. It's been weird for me to get used to weighing the most I have ever weighed in my life which is 118 or so pounds. That's what it said the last time I weighed myself. I really want to. I hope that Kenny is off of work soon or is not home yet because he is going and cashing his check and sh*t. I was thinking about calling him but I don't want to get him in trouble at work. I think I will just wait awhile and then text him. I am getting rather tired though. I think I am going to lay down for awhile.        

If you haven't noticed my friend list is down to 6 because Ian is so longer my friend he told me i make him uncomfortable even though we have been friends for a long time. He could have told me a long time ago if i did. After all i did as well he dropped our friendship i've felt uncomfortable around him for a long time but i never ended it because i thought we were real friends. Turns out to be a dud.

HERRO!! THIS IZ MAI RANT ON DA 2019 SONIC MOVIE!!!I honestly think he lookz a little... WACKY??? Liek... he lookz liek Sonic but he also DOESNT??? Hez too realistic... SONIC SHOULDA BEEN MADE MOAR CARTOONY!!! LIKE DOZE OLD GAMEZ!!! THAT OR JUS DONT MAKE A LIVE ACTION SONIC MOVIE!!! HE LOOKZ KINDA CUTE BUT THE TEETH ARE WEEEIIRDD... JUS MAI OPINION!!! XD