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i don't want to see the stars tonight.i want to see an endand i've always wonderedwhy in movies they'd fill up the tub before bleeding outbut i'll find out soon enough.speaking of enough-it never was.i never was.all i crave are sharp lines across my veinslike the ones in my heartand to dream of a world vastly different from ours.maybe then it'd be okay.but we'll find out soon enough.enough about me-now about you,how would i? more, how could i?I know you want to know.you laughed and i cried.but you'll find out soon enough.

im kind of making this to procrastinate, to be honest, but also wanted to talk about music genres and stuff. im really into a lot of alternative culture, so i listen to a bunch of different genres under that umbrella. i actually grew up listening to pop punk music without realizing or having a name for it, so bands like blink-182, Green Day, and Fall Out Boy were some of my first introductions to this type of music. i still remember listening to other My Chemical Romance songs on a whim after listening to "Teenagers" on the radio. more recently, ive broadened my tastes to some trad goth bands like The Cure and Siouxsie and the Banshees, and even some folk punk like Johnny Hobo and the Freight Trains. its really interesting to look into different subcultures and see how the music affects them. music is so important to these subcultures, and i cant wait to listen to more different styles. recommendations are appreciated, although i think i should try to focus on the genres im listening to now to get a better understanding of them.

ive never done this type of thing before, so im testing out how it goes. this will probz be used as a safe space, because I have trouble sharing my interests w peeps I know in real life. i doubt anyone will see this, so it isnt like it matterz anyway. but heres a hi as my first blog.

i just have a lot of memories i guess. i want to write them out as they happened, right as they go through my head.lying in a bed next to a man who i do not love, on acid. its dark. i keep waking him up. he yells at me to go to sleep. he does, but i dont, i stay and i stare at his face, morphing into the man i do love. i wake him up again. i can't stare at that man's face, the man who comes around and f***s me like he's doing a set at the gym. the man who i can't say no to, because the first time i ever tried to say no he pushed me down and in so many ways i never got up. i think now, at least that wasn't the man i was sleeping next to.

I'm sick out of my mind but I can't just not go to school. It only gets worse and worse everytime I go to school.  I'm supposed to be going out on a dinner and movie with my grandfather but I'm such a doormat, I couldn't say no. I felt guilt tripped when he said he was all alone. I almost collapsed today, I'm not sure how I'll handle tomorrow.

So today there was a fight at school. it was kinda intense but nothing out of the ordinary. I slept in class s0 my teacher gave d3t3nt1on. she's stupid for that. people made fun of me and stuff nothing new. I can't wait 4 the break. 

i love nemesis though and the story of her descending into madness and meeting her love and discovering her father and her job as a hitman and her being saved from death by a shapeshifting octopus and given the sin of wrath and her using that to kill her boss/father its all great i love nemesissongs: - and then the girl went mad- the last revolver- muzzle of nemesis - master of the hellish yard

*Trigger warning Mentions of self harm and other things are in this post, if triggered please leave.* I've been struggling with weight loss for many years because of my lack of motivation to do so. I'm currently 13 St 5 which is wayyy too unhealthy for my age (23 y/o) my idea weight is 11 stone but no matter what I try my weight won't budge!! I honestly have tried starving myself, throwing up, water detox, eating a sh*t ton of mentos and tic tacs as a laxative but that set off my irritable bowel syndrome symptoms -_- *Fml* my sisters offered to take me to my local gym as she works there, but with my severe social anxiety I have panic attacks just thinking about setting foot inside. I'm envious of most women my age and their metabolisms being able to lose weight fast. I've not eaten any chocolate or sweets (Candy) for two months, I'm on an all fibre breakfast because of my ibs, I'm eating more bio yogurts because of my ibs, and eating more veg and exercising but nothing seems to be working. I'm resorting to saving up money and getting liposuction. This is making me f***ing depressed, I've lost the will and self harmed recently.Any help before I break any further??

See you above the stars...

First PostThis is my happy zone. zone where I can express myself in many ways. if you don't like it... then leave and don't come back. 

Testing is coming up soon so I have to do like 3 units a day now. But I'm like, actually getting A's, so I'm proud of myself. :)

It's aWsoMe beotch Clara againnn *tuck*been vomiting hard yesterday *tuck* drunk 2 much *tuck* feeling sick  *tuck* Lied im 18 and banged the DJ *hicup*Vomit got all over ma sexy attire and my makeup was all ruined :-( :-( I struggled 2 hours to put on momz makeup! *buuuurp* she now asking me dis beotch wher iz her lipstick *tuck* dafuq I KNOW MOM, I can barely remember my name *hicup* anyway Im skippin skool, dont give a F *hicup* 

Yk this how it be sometimes

I did my boss a favor tonight, did a little bit of work from home, after hours unpaid. Instead of being grateful he bitched at me for not doing more.It's a key reminder of a lesson that we all know, but sometimes seem not to remember; never do more than the bare minimum, the boss will not be grateful, but will come to expect it.If you do to well at your job, they will 'reward' you by giving you more tasks and more responsibilities but without increasing your pay.Never make the mistake of thinking your job cares about you.

Soo, I'm finally happy with my profile. But, I still don't know how to work the music? Can someone help me with that?