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07/05/2020 03:06 PM 

small rant no one cares about
Current mood:  exhausted

we met in gym class. we needed to pair up, but i didnt know anyone in the class. i saw you in a group of two others, you seemed to all be strangers so it was less intimidating to ask to join. i tried to seem uninterested. to seem distant. i didnt want friends, i just needed partners in gym class. but little did i know you would slowly but surely you creep in. i still remember the day you asked for my instagram and laughed at how long it had taken for us to exchange them. i went home that night and cleaned up my feed before pressing accept. i wanted to impress you, and i didnt even know it. we got close, closer than the rest of the group we repeatedly joined for gym. you made me want to be better withoout realizing. i started caring. i ran faster, i did the workouts instead of cheating around them, i worked for my grade, i studied, i didnt cheat on dumb tests, all because i wanted to be worthy of you. we had sleep overs, the first ive ever had. we laughed, we laughed so much i coulve sworn my face would be stuck in that stupid grin, my lungs would burn for eternity, and my heart would be happy. i opened up to you, told you about my life, and you did the same. we had many late night talks, about anything. for the first time i had inside jokes with someone, i felt like i mattered.. atleast to you. we only had one class together but we walked eachother to our classes every day. i didnt care if i would be late, i just wanted to be around you. when we were in the hallways together i couldve sworn it was just the two of us. people would come up to me and ask if we were dating, or refer to you as my girlfriend, and i hated telling them we were just friends. people swore we were dating, and for a while if you wouldve asked me i wouldve told you i felt the same way. you opened things up in me no one else had. weekends were lonely and i started wanting to go to school for you. then we were quarantined, but we kept close in contact. we had late night phone calls, stayed up texting till the sun came up, laughed together, cried together. you told me i made your life better, and i was the best person you had met. i told you the same. id play your song covers on repeat, i loved the sound of your voice. when you came out to your family, i knew it was hard on you. i wanted nothing more than to go to your house and comfort you. i hated seeing you sad, you deserve the world. at first when we didnt talk for a few days, i worried about you. i would message you and ask if you were okay, and at first you would tell me. i would ask again if we didnt talk, but slowly you stopped responding. i would tell you i was here for you no matter what. i would go on imessages, snapchat, instagram, tiktok, just to reach you. i wanted more than anything to be there for you. i had asked if you wanted to sleep over the next weekend, but you ignored that and ranted about your famiy, and that was okay. i tried to comfort you, not even caring. as the week went on you never responded. we never hung out. i kept checking in on you, trying not to be over bearing. the only response a meme every once in a while. you made excuses not to hang out, but you hung out with a group of three other people. you wouldnt open my messaged, but would post on your spam. i dont know what i did, what happened. i think i ruined it, i never meant for this friendship to blossom, but i tried. i really tried. to be better, to be happier, to open up more, to let you in, to care about myself, for you. we havent talked and i dont know why. i thought we were endgame, friends or more i didnt care, i just wanted you near me. before i met you i told myself id never open up again, to just push through by myself, to not get hurt. then there you were. you said when you first met me you thought i was so kind for asking to join, even though i was sheltered, cold, cut off. you saw through all that, and you slipped right through all my walls without my knowledge. i still dont know where to go from here. you never talk to me anymore, but we never officially stopped being friends. i want so desperatly to take your name off my instagram story highlight. to throw away all our dumb polaroid selfies. to get rid of the fortune cookie fortune you gave me. to take your pictures out of my wallet. to remove you from my memories. but more than that i want you back in my life. i wish i knew where i went wrong, i wish you would get angry at me. yell at me. tell me all the things wrong with me and why youll never love me. but you didnt, you just quietly and slowly dissapeared. i cant go to my favorite places anymore without thinking of you. i cant eat popcorn, or have chocolate milk. or go on tiktok without seeing you, happy, and without me. i cant look at my snapchat memories. i never believed in love, you know this. you dont either. but i think if i were to ever love anyone it wouldve been you. but it doesnt matter now. i just wish i knew. why. and if you ever saw this i would be mortified, but i also wish you knew. i miss you.


07/05/2020 03:03 PM 

In 1000s years, will anyone remember our today?

History is written by the winners.


07/05/2020 03:10 PM 

Current mood:  blah

I can’t get over the throwback vibes this site is giving me. It’s like my first couple of years of high school again. I F***ING LOVE IT!

throwback vibes


07/05/2020 03:10 PM 

Current mood:  blah

I can’t get over the throwback vibes this site is giving me. It’s like my first couple of years of high school again. I F***ING LOVE IT!

throwback vibes


07/05/2020 12:03 PM 

thoughts of des at 12:03pm
Current mood:  grateful

good mornings friends im here having a big ass cup of coffee and honestly its dank but thats not what im here to talk about yesterday i had spent time with people i truly care and love that i havent seen in years do to an abusive ex. I finally got over the fear of getting rejected by them and messaged them saying sorry i went ghost for long and i honestly thought they werent gonna respondbut they did and asked me to kik it and for them im always f*** it thats 1 AM im going and everytime i do im always glad i do. these past years i been in a deep depression like 5150 bad and those 3 hours of hanging out with them made me the happiest i been these past three years without them and i they dont even mean to try to cheer me up its just their personalitys being around them brings me a different type of joy that i really cant get anywhere else its crazy its like the rarest of drugs 


07/05/2020 02:56 PM 


any movie recommendations? i like horror and funny mainly but im open to anything (:


07/05/2020 02:54 PM 

bday /:

my bday was yesterday and it sucked but i got puff bars so super happy bout that (:

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ kenzie ♥

07/05/2020 02:47 PM 


laying in bed watching skins and editing my page:-P   ughhhhh talk to meeeee! 


07/05/2020 01:27 PM 

why do I still look 21
Current mood:  distraught

i'm just scrolling through people on here and i just need to know... how do these 14/15 year olds look older than me? when i was 14 i looked like THIS: i am literally turning 21 this year and getting married to someone 4 years older than me next year and i look like i havent even graduated high school. someone teach me how to be pretty and mature thank u

shook, I am a baby, why, 20


07/05/2020 01:01 PM 

Current mood:  bored

i wish i could like blogs instead of only commenting


07/05/2020 01:16 PM 

Current mood:  blah

i gave myself alcohol poisoning ickkk :(


07/05/2020 12:42 PM 

endless thoughts
Current mood:  angsty

i don't belong here, i want to leave this town and never come back. since there's nothing i can do about it right now though, i guess i'll just roll one.



07/05/2020 12:25 PM 


hi!! i just wanted to remind everyone that you are valid and beautiful and i love you ♥3 have an amazing day and remember to love yourself :*

selflove, alternative, love, happiness


07/05/2020 12:19 PM 

Owners of FP
Current mood:  intimidated

The owners of FP need to learn that it's not very christian like to stalker teenagers and to take their personal information.

friend project, teenager, christian, homophobia, lgbt


07/05/2020 11:39 PM 

the mannequin thing
Current mood:  angsty

So, now that I've gotten home from school, I guess it's probably time to start writing up the story that started this in the first place. All of the names are changed, with the exception of the mannequin.To understand the mannequin thing, you probably need to know a little bit more background about me. I go to a... scouting affiliated leadership camp once a year. Last year I went as a participant and learned a lot, and this year I went as a member of staff and learned even more. It goes for about a week in July, but there are a few staff-training weekends before the actual thing. It's quite the production and my role to play was a member of the Office (rather than, say, Kitchen Staff. Kitchen Staff members, if you're reading this, I love you all ♥.) Anyway, the Office Staff did some paperwork here, filmed these little short videos, took pictures and stuff, and we had a little newspaper.Some of that is... hardly relevant. I must say that this camp holds a very special place in my heart, so I'm very sorry if I tend to get away from myself in respect to it.Anyways, this story is set on one of the staff development weekends. We're at the camp which is in the middle of nowhere, and it's maybe 10:30pm. We've just finished reviewing someone's presentation on, like, the importance of goals or something. Cut me a little slack on the finer points of this article, it's been some time since it happened and recently the days have stretched out longer for me: this feels like it happened years ago.Our group is maybe 20-30 people strong but it's mostly adults. There are perhaps a dozen scouts there and of them, we are not a very diverse group. There's a cub-scout pack elsewhere on the camp, but they've already tucked in at this point and are deep into quiet time. We're about to hit the sack as well, and as such, people are either goofing off or wrapping up. My fellow Office Staff members are firmly in the former camp on this one.I'm going to take a moment here to introduce the characters here. The only named characters are myself, Jeffery, and... oh.... we'll call him D*ck. Short for Richard. There's me, obviously, and there's another 3 or so guys with us. Just to clear this up before this gets started, you know, nip it in the bud, I am not a guy.Wow, there sure are a hell of a lot of words on this page for it not having said ANYTHING ABOUT THE MANNEQUIN. Sorry.So, the Mannequin. She's the type of gal (and she is a she, we checked. She has breasts.) to show up to a scout camp dressed like a farmer. She's the type of gal that you find at a garage sale and can't help but strike up a conversation, except she is also the merchandise. Anyway, Jeffery bought her a while back at a yard sale and dated her to the 50s, which is pretty funny. She looks pretty old, too. She's made of foam everywhere except her head, which is made of plastic, and she has an iron skeleton. Someone's busted her nose (I'm not kidding, the plastic is all peeled up) and the painted... skin??? on her face is peeling in places. Her rusty iron finger-bones are stripped of foam, which now hands around the posable wire digits in tatters. To put it simply, she looks like a horror movie prop, but we would grow to love her anyway. Her name is Bobette.Jeff brought her to star in some of our little films and stuff, right? Only D*ck, who's a fan of ironic humor and larger than life comedy or whatever you want to call it, has taken a HUGE shining to her and has, up until this point, been sleeping in her arms. That's just D*ck.Our scout leader girl is wrapping up (we'll call her Carol, she seems like a Carol in my head) and she's thankfully turned the other direction when this happens. D*ck's got Bobette hauled up on his shoulders, which is pretty funny since D*ck is shorter than me. Predictably, the sudden movements of a high school boy are plenty to dislodge Bobette's little... hat, fedora thing. And that's when the sh*t hits the fan.The hat falls to the floor and I wouldn't realize until later that it was that second that the lights went out. I barely believe it now, and there's nothing in this story that can't be chalked up to coincidence, but I swear they happened at the same time. I figure the adults just turned the lights out on us to get us to stop being rowdy, but Carol's confused, too. She tells us the laptops went out too, and D*ck practically throws Bobette.We are now in a camp, with less adult supervision by the minute, and the power is completely out due to, apparently, a possessed mannequin. The adults don't think much of it (why would they? They're adults!) and we can't leave her there on the floor! That'll only make it worse, yeah?These are the events I am reflecting on as I personally carry Bobette bridal style with 6 guys to the boys lodging. Now due to... reasons (youth protection) I can't sleep in the boys cabin, and there is no one else there I can sleep with so I have to, theoretically, bunk by myself, in this huge, probably haunted cabin with a big hole in the ceiling but not the roof and the bunks where footprints show up and the big fireplace with a snakeskin draped over it. I can't even go in the boys lodging but they all need their flashlights and stuff thanks to the power being out.The Mannequin hardly pulses threatening vibes or anything, but standing out in the woods alone in the dark with her is not a fun experience. I keep sort of hoping that the guys will hurry up but I have too much dignity to tell them that, right? And besides, we made a plan, and me having the Mannequin while they get their stuff is a big part of it. We were going to throw the Mannequin in a fourth building's basement- the Office. It's actually the only building on camp with a basement.So they get down and we're having these tense but lighthearted on the surface conversations about... who would make out with the Mannequin, what the Mannequin's sexuality is, etc. More on that later, maybe? We get into the Office and they sort of... slowly pry open the basement door.The basement stairs are set up in such a way that there is a turn about halfway down, a teeny tiny little landing. D*ck goes down there first and the rest of the guys follow after him, and all the sudden all of them turn around and go thudding upstairs to me (I'm the one holding Bobette at this point) shrieking bloody murder. Maybe they felt a spiderweb, or maybe they saw something move on the shelves. I can't seem to get a straight answer out of any of them.They slam the door and like, three of them lean against it. Eventually though, they calm down and take the Mannequin from me (thank God.) They go quietly down, I hear some thudding from my station at the top of the stairs, and come shrieking up again sans Mannequin. They tell me all about how she's in the chair down there, and it's So Funny, and so on. But all the sudden Jeff freezes. We ask him whats up, and it turns out.We. Left her hat in the dining hall. The few jokes about how the hat being off is responsible for the power being out fall flat as can be. We troupe back up to the dining hall with no further discussion and retrieve her hat, tense in the pale moonlight through the field.So the guys end up going back down to put a hat back on a rotting, antique, be-titted excuse for a mannequin and as soon as they do, as soon as they do, the power comes back on. We can't f***ing believe it and I swear D*ck and his friend tried to jumpscare us on the way out of the Office, and I almost strangled them.I guess it's just a weird coincidence, but I can't deny, sh*t like this is piling up. I wrote all of it down in a notebook once, but I can't find my notebook at all now. I think I actually left it at camp, on course week. Maybe Bobette has it now.


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