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01/01/2023 06:09 PM 


im not living anymorei dont know how to


01/01/2023 06:05 PM 

hes waiting
Current mood:  awake

im all alone in my bedroomwith just the city sounds and the cold winter breeze on my skinthe moons shiningand he's out there somewherewaiting for me


01/01/2023 06:02 PM 

my true love, the moon
Current mood:  awake

The moonChemicalHe4rtz"why dont you watch the sunrise" you say?because the sunrise is the start of the daythe sun can see your facebut only the moon can see your soulthe way it shines in his eyesmy true love, the moon is where i hide. 


12/31/2022 09:34 PM 

Looking back on 2022

In general, 2022 was a bit of an iffy year for me. The biggest thing is that I did come out as non-binary, after years of self exploration.  I changed to they/them pronouns  I still feel like I'm on the journey though.  (I previously came out as asexual.)  Even though I did come out online, I still have yet to come out to family.  Every time I try to, I just can't get it out.  I'm afraid of how they'll take it.  But sooner or later, I'll have to come out to them. I've also noticed that I kind of abandoned some spaces that I was a part of, liked, and still like.  I seemed to develop a bad habit of becoming a part of new spaces and abandoning old ones I never left.  I need to stop doing that.  I did reconnect with some spaces and it was nice talking to them again.  I need to stop joining new spaces too quickly and focus more on the ones I am already a part of.  I don't want to stop following new people altogether, but I do need to slow it down a bit. I did realize I was in some friendships I wasn't happy in.  I finally decided to let go of some of them and I started to feel a little happier. Another thing that this year did to me was make me less interested in going to any convention in the future, especially TwitchCon with how it was mishandled this year.  The events of TC specifically really makes me not ever want to go to one.  I'll have to see how it is in 2023, but so far it's completely killed any interest in me wanting to go.  I've wanted to go to one for years to meet some of the people I watched, but have never been able to.  I'm sure people wanted to meet me too.  I've never been able to go to a convention and always wanted to go to one, so I hope things turn around regarding them. In the past I did do some content creation, but eventually I just stopped.  I went on a hiatus I never came out of.  October 2020 was the last serious stream I had.  It is something I want to look into doing again.  I just need to think about I want to do with it.  I was kind of a retro streamer with a few other things sprinkled in, but I ended up leaving the retro community because I had a lot of disagreements with them at the time.  After leaving, it still didn't make me happy, so I just stopped.  There have since been newer people in it, so I could try being a part of it again.  However, I don't want to just be a retro streamer.  There are also things I want to think about, like if I want to be a PG, PG-13, or mature streamer, and which site I want to stream on.


12/31/2022 11:30 PM 


AUUUUGH that wasnt intentional i just got burnt out from the site and forgot to use it!!! im trying to be more active but its a little difficult since i was gone for so long


12/31/2022 06:55 PM 

This is where I talk about twin peaks
Current mood:  bouncy

YO THIS SHOW IS SO F***ING GOOD I LOVE LYNCH donna and James are my favorite non law characters in twin peaks i like it cuz they seen like they have a genuine connection  compared to Shelly and Bobby but maybe I just don't like Bobby lel1/1/2023madlines gon be a snitchHAROLD KILLED HIMSELF NO HE WAS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD



12/30/2022 02:43 AM 

NEW YEARS 2023!!
Current mood:  adventurous

I dont know about anyone else but I def plan to make 2023 one of the greatist years of my life. Quarantine was a huge set back for me, like a majority of im pretty most of the population it f***ed me up mentally, and some what physical. SOOOO basically I decided to create a list of goals/things i really wanna do this new year.Boom year it is1. Make healthier eating habits2. Start talking to new people!!3. Make at least 5 songs LITERALLY YOU ALREADY STARTED!!!4. PARTICAPATE IN AS MANY AUDITIONS AS POSSIBABLE5. learn to play guitar6. Start your youtube chanel7. meet one of my fav bands8. get a boyfriend/girlfreind9. practice my practice lol10. create and stick to a workout routine11. practice make up and try new looks TBH THATS ALL LOL


12/29/2022 08:07 PM 

Todays Blog! (12-29-22)

Today i just messed around w/ my buddies and did some chores.DISCLAIMER! NO BLOG POSTS UNTIL SUNDAY/MONDAY NIGHT BECAUSE I WILL BE AT MY FRIEND ELI'S HOUSE. 


12/28/2022 06:44 PM 

My favourite poem
Current mood:  artistic

   Nothing Gold Can StayRobert Frost Natures first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold, Her early leafs a flower; But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf.So eden sank to greif,So dawn goes day.Nothing gold can stay.  


12/28/2022 06:37 PM 

wet paper and broken hearts
Current mood:  angsty

written by ChemicalHeartzWet Paper And Broken Heartswords that get spokenturn into tearswhich turn into bits of my broken heartthe peices bleed to paperas my tears sink onto the pageand i'll never forgive for those words you said



12/28/2022 06:40 PM 

Define Heartbreak
Current mood:  blah

How does one define heartbreak? People experience different things,Feelings,Thoughts,Pain,There is no one true definition of heartbreak.But it feels the same, Like something is missing,Like a part of you is numb,And you can’t describe it because words don’t work.It’s frustrating,Sad,It feels wrong,But there’s nothing you can really do about it,‘Time heals’That’s what they say.It does, but a certain smell,Sound,Sight,Can bring it all back and make you feel small,Weak,Tired,All over again.

Poem, poetry,


12/27/2022 10:10 PM 

solution to new year's resolutions
Current mood:  exhausted

if you resolve to fail your new year's resolution on purpose, that's a good backup i think. for when you fail the one you really wanted to work out this time. this year i actually have concrete goals and ideas of how to achieve them, so now all i need for a resolution is just some resolve.i'm supposed to actually literally be getting it together this year. i had a taste of being a functioning adult, and i'm going to be chasing that honeymoon high, so long as i actually manage to pull off this big comeback.i have until this summer to finally do it.

holiday, new year's resolution,

abby the homicidal maniac

12/25/2022 09:43 PM 

please please please let me get what i want this time

you, like nothing i have ever known beforei cannot deify youbecause i know youyou are not a god, distant and inaccessible. secluded in the are tangible, something just within my grasp. an earthly desire.the more i write, the more real it becomesso i stare at blank papers and untouched pensi fear that just one word will transform you into an object to be heart itches to give you wings but my hands tie bricks to your anklesno marble statues, no stained glass windowsi'll knock down holy temples and burn biblesyou are but a manand that's exactly how it's supposed to be.intact knees. no longer a it cliche but when you leave all i wonder is when you will come back atheist in practice&not in theory,abby

abby the homicidal maniac

12/25/2022 06:21 PM 

found this in a box in my attic

and so i grin and i bear it. even if i am unloved. because i desperately need the illusion.


12/24/2022 08:02 PM 

Current mood:  angsty

istg Christmas hasnt felt like xmas

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