world war dave
let me tell you about the time dave cullen looked up my ig accounts BY HAND and proceeded to block all of them because i'm just too funny and cool and EPIC. i used to run a glorious, godlike true crime meme page on instagram called kleboldlingus, and another one before that called adamlanzasfatballs, but we don't talk about that.one day, i posted something about how dave cullen's columbine book was trash and should be burned. it wasn't anything too over-the-top, just a passing thought as one posts. WELL. let it be known that this account was PRIVATE and you couldn't see what i posted unless you actually followed me. dave cullen obviously didn't follow me, but i tried to look him up to tag him as a joke in another post of mine, and his account was just... gone. at first i thought he deactivated or deleted his instagram, which gawdd wouldn't that just be the greatest day? but then one of my mutuals (who i asked about it) was like "huh? no his account is alive and well," and sent me a screenshot AND LO AND BEHOLD: there was dave cullen, indeed alive and well.THATS WHEN IT HIT ME. he blocked good ol' kleboldlingus. this was my greatest accomplishment ever at the time. the one question was: how the f*** did this man find my account if its private? my theory is that he actively searches out columbiners online and blocks them all. imaging having all that time on your hands and caring that much.... or someone f***ing snitched. GASP what if there was a rat amongst the kleboldlingus regime who sent him my post???but anyways - i had a few other accounts that weren't tc related at all, so i wanted to scope out the scene a bit with mister cullen, but whaddaya f***in know - i couldn't find him on those accounts either!!! i don't even know what the moral or point of this random ass story was supposed to be, its so stupid, but i just find it so weeeeird that this 60 year old man is so obsessed with the tcc. like, its YOUR fault that your book is trash, cringe, inaccurate, bad, distasteful, false information, and every other negative conotation under the sun. if you just wrote a better columbine book, then we wouldn't make fun of yo ass all the goddamn time! man, i could make a 2-hour long video talking about the inaccuracies of his book and just ripping it to shreds. i'm not gonna, because i'm lazy and can't be bothered to do so, but i could. the f*** was i gonna say... i don't know. i had something else to say, but i don't remember. GOODBYE!
dave cullen, columbine, lolzerz, epic, blocked, story, storytime