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01/17/2023 04:29 PM 

losing it
Current mood:  distressed

went back to school. its second semester and just found out ive been dropped from my classes and i missed the appeal deadline to be added back. im broke. my cars broke and i think this is getting close to my tipping point. idk gonna stay cool and speak with my advisor to see what i can since its the first week but GAH

rant, college, stressed


01/17/2023 10:45 PM 

Current mood:  angsty

i have a clown theme on my blog bcuz im a joke


01/17/2023 10:40 PM 

daniel's monthly.. obsession?
Current mood:  jubilant



01/17/2023 04:35 AM 

I need some food.
Current mood:  hungry

IM. SO. TIRED. and nauseated, I might change my profile layout cause I'm bored. I miss my partner so much, why do they live across the f***ing world? UGH, I MISS AER. SO MUCH!!!  It's okay though, I'm sending them a package soon anyways, and I'm getting one from them!! I hope that's soon, very soon. I need a hair straightener, My sister lost the one we had. I'm gonna cut this short, I'm tired and I need sleep and I'm hungry, so hungry. 


01/16/2023 11:21 PM 


feeling bored as hell might do more sh*t on my profile tomorrow but this f***ing song though Transylvanian Whore


01/16/2023 07:37 PM 

January 16th 2023
Current mood:  blah

Today was a bit of a dissapointment.  It started off with me having to wake up at four in the morning for work.  Me and my coworkers were supposed to have today off for Martin Luther King Jr. day but we ended up having to come in to move an office back to where it was before the floor people came in. I was already annoyed with this as I had to work nearly twenty four hours on Friday.  I was supposed to come in Saturday as well but, I couldn't go in after twenty two hours.   Anyways, today didn't have a great start.  Everyone had the mindset of, "get things done fast and over with" so that we could be back home by noon.  Everyone but Theo. We could have been done by noon if it wasn't for Theo.  We were moving offices so, me and my coworkers were focusing on the items that go back into the office.  Theo on the other hand was focused on cleaning windows in the hallway and taking three different twenty minute smoke breaks. My day took a better turn when my other coworker, Dan, decided to take me in on the project we was working on in the office.  He was working on re-wiring the phones and computers.  He taught me how to end a CAT-9 cable and I was pretty good at it too! We finished around one-fourty p.m.  After I clocked out I headed to my friend's work because she wanted an old blanket that I didn't want anymore. (It was a sally face blanket.) When I came home I ate some Chick-fil-a and played around on everskies.   I recently had to create a new Tumblr account so I'm trying to redo all my links and tags on there; as well as follow more people that have the same interests as me to lengthen my feed.

diary, journal, life updates

anti anti anti

01/15/2023 11:02 PM 

silly little things
Current mood:  drunk

i love being chronically online i love being a loser i love only having friends over the internet i love drinking i love smoking i love abusing my body i love choosing beauty of long term health i love being a human with selfish desires i love worldly possessions that will mean nothing when i die i love being alive and choosing my own path i love hating i love being dumb I LOVE BEING DUMB!!!


01/15/2023 10:32 PM 

Current mood:  artistic

Herez it all 2getherrr       Mai first everrr cuff     (Left to right) gloomy bear inspired, random >_< rainbow face, pride, X pink green         (Left to right again) blue purple X base cuff, green 3d, ladder stitch black purple checker         (Left to right) rainbow octopus, star necklace, rainbow flower           Rainbow chain 4 Mai studded beltz          Bvb= black veil brides Swpb= snow whites poison bite Jinxx= guitarist for black veil brides Mcr= my chemical romance Trexxx= my first ever kandi trade         Yellow, black, white, purple= non-binary flag       HOPEFULLY U LIKED IT!!!



01/15/2023 03:47 PM 

January 15th 2023
Current mood:  nostalgic

I haven't updated on here in a very long time.  I had a change of heart somewhere in the past, I thought that I was ready for recovery and tried my hand at it.  As it turns out, I was not ready for recovery.  I think I believed I was ready because I was in a relationship, I still am, and i didn't want to disappoint my partner.  My "recovery" turned into a few months long binge and me using the excuse that, "I'm in recovery" to give myself permission to stuff myself full of unhealthy and impure foods. I stopped taking my medications, I just don't think that they help me.  The only differences I can find between me on my meds and me off of them is; having a period more than just twice a year being able to loose weight easier and faster and being more emotional than before Off of my medications feels like looking at the world without my glasses; yes everything is blurry but I can see the true color of the people and things around me. I plan to be posting again as much as I posted before, hopefully everyday.   I've been trying to write in a journal but I just find it tiring as well as dangerous.  If something ends up happening and I get hospitalized my parents will go through my room and read everything I have written, where on a laptop they don't know my pin number.

diary, journal, life updates

lily ☆ flower

01/16/2023 09:27 AM 

Garfield History Fact of the Day
Current mood:  fascinated

Napoleon carried a vial of poison around his neck. This was so that if he was captured/defeated, he would commit suicide. He did end up drinking it but at the time it lost its strength and made him very ill instead.

lily ☆ flower

01/14/2023 04:48 PM 

Garfield History Fact of the Day
Current mood:  refreshed

Napoleon wasn't actually short. His recorded height at the time of his death might've been 5'2, but this was in French units. In modern units, he was about 5'7. Keep in mind the average height at the time was 5'5.


01/15/2023 04:05 PM 

I need to sleep.
Current mood:  sleepy

I gotta get to bed. It's like 4 am and I have school on the 16th.  I can only imagine how sh*tty school will be. Stupid preppy girls giggling and me not having a place cause of some reason, maybe it's cause I'm gay? or maybe it's my style? Whatever, they all are basic anyways, they call themselves emo and then wear the most basic thing ever, couldn't be me. These poser preps can suck one. I know this stupid bitch named "Presley" who wears the stupidest outfits ever, big shirts and big bell bottoms DONT LOOK GOOD TOGETHER. I repeat THEY ARE F***ING UGLY!!!  I mean, everything on her looks nasty. I would say "Wear some skinny jeans and a band tee and change up your hair! " but she's too ugly for that too,  god she makes my blood boil.  one time I moved a chair and she screamed at me for no reason, she wanted to sit in that specific chair, and she said "THAT'S NOT WHERE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE!! YOU ARE AN IDIOT!!" Like she knows everything, I moved a chair for f***s sake!!!  Whatever, I'm moving homerooms, I begged the principal (well, not really) but still, she said she will, which I'm happy about, my friend Keith is there, and also Dimitri, which I wanna get to know him more, he seems very nice.  It will be weird getting used to the new schedule, but I'm sure I will be okay. I miss my partner a lot.  Ae is at a sleepover tonight, and they can't text. I miss them, I'm sure I can talk to them when they get back, I really love them, I've been thinking about them so much.  yeah, I should sleep, my other friend is supposed to come to my house today, the only reason I said they could is cause I'm bored and they wanna make bread for some reason?  it's weird, but it's alright, I like bread.  anyways, ill update you later, probably tomorrow night, well, goodnight. 

school, anger, love, diary, journal, sleep, night

lily ☆ flower

01/15/2023 12:39 PM 

Garfield History Fact of the Day
Current mood:  talkative

Napoleon Bonaparte wasn't afraid of cats, as widely believed, but Napoleon III was the one who was afraid of cats!


01/14/2023 06:37 PM 


its like 2023 now and it still doesnt look like the future -_-i always imagined it would be all robots and cyber and light blues and whites but its like it was a few years ago only worse!!and no offense, but the music these days is like... totes not it. what happened to the kinda songs that made we wanna go to a club when i got older? whenever i hear an old lady gaga song or an old david guetta song it makes me happy bcz i miss thosei hope sometime in this decade we get to a point that all those old movies showedi wanna live like a human in a world filled w robots


01/14/2023 11:57 PM 

dumb lil ranty rant

Sometimes I get a little bummed out thinking about how my relationship with my fiance started. I have to constantly have this war with myself when I think about it because I battle back and forth. On one hand, I love that our relationship was built on friendship first. I think it's a healthy way to enter into this mutual feeling. I was going through a lot when we started to talk and he was there for me as a friend. Over time, we started to build this connection and decided that it needed to be explored. However, I hear stories he'll tell sometimes about other girls that he tried to be with and how it usually started with an initial attraction and sometimes I wish that could be me. I feel like our relationship started with me being interested first, as it usually does. I wouldn't necessarily say I had to chase him, because we kinda did start to fall for each other at the same time, but I would say that I was the person who fell deeper a little quicker than he did. I just sometimes wish that maybe he felt "damn, this girl is really pretty and I wanna get to know her more." or something like that. I know that thought didn't really occur. It's dumb, but dammit man, I wanna be objectified! I wanna be chased. (within reason of course). Of course, though, I do love that maybe this is the exact reason we started off so much stronger. The connection we have is much deeper than surface level, so I'm not actually mad about it or anything. I just think about it sometimes and I hear him talk about his past where he tried to flirt with people and ask for girls' numbers or use cheesy pick up lines on them and I never really got that.

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