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09/20/2022 11:01 AM 

Current mood:  bored

im so BORED!!! AAAHHH!!!!! i dont wanna b @ school rn, i wish i wuz @ home writing or playing video gamez. i also wanna make another blog where i rant about my interests bcuz WHY NOT!!! thats how bored i am... LOLZ XD

bored, boredom, friends, school, someone talk to me plz, looking for friends


09/19/2022 08:51 PM 

senior year
Current mood:  drunk

WHERE to start!Well, it's my senior year! I'm interning at a high school near me (BHS...all I'll say...) and it's going pretty well. I have to go two days a week, but only went once last week and might only go once this week (or do one and a half) since I have been sick...and my teacher's son has been sick.My co-op teacher and I get along SO WELL. I really couldn't have asked for a better placement. At least not a random one.I got myself a new macbook today! My first NEW macbook. I already love it so much and I find myself getting very acquainted with laptops very easily. My surface book is on the fritz and my chromebook isn't like...good enough to really function as an everyday laptop for a college student. At least not one who's not in community college anymore. Also! I am somehow not a virgin anymore! HAHA. Finally. What an annoyance that was.Out to both of my parents now...4/5 siblings know about my gf...just haven't told my oldest brother cause it's awkward as hell.I always think I'd like to keep this blog better updated because I enjoy looking back at it, but it's not like I don't remember the gaps...I guess at some point I won't remember them. I started a book in October of last year...can't remember if I mentioned that? I'd really like to get it finished by the end of senior's to hoping! I think I might start setting aside time to write everyday. It's either that or never get it done.ALSO omg! I am going to have coffee with my old Shakespeare prof from last semester. I MUST remember to write tomorrow night about that. Also, I'd like to have this blog to document my clinicals for my cert.As of right now, I am obsessed with futurama! Let's see how long that lasts LOLCurrent mood isn't correct but soon it will be! Time to go write some fanfiction and then hit the booze. 


09/19/2022 07:43 PM 

September 19th 2022
Current mood:  artistic

The day went by fast.  It feels like I blinked and all of a sudden, it was time to clock out.  I spent my workday building desks for some new offices.   After work, I stopped at Walmart to get some knitting supplies and stop to get some banking information I need to be put onto the direct deposit list.  On the way home I stopped by Cold Stone and bought some ice cream. Once home I changed my clothes and walked the family dog.  My lover wanted to go out for dinner, so I went with him.  We had some fast-food Mexican at Moe's.  After dinner, I went to Barnes & Nobles and ended up buying a mic set.  Only to find out when I got home why it was on sale, the mic was missing. I've been wanting to make a cover of, "The Hearse Song" as it is the Halloween season and I really enjoy the song.  On YouTube, I found an instrumental cover that I really like and luckily, the creator has given me permission to use it in my cover!  Now that I know another musician will listen to it, I want it to sound professional, at least not like I made it on CapCut. I'm trying to find a way to use GarageBand to make the cover but I'm having trouble exporting and saving the instrumental audio.  If anybody has any tips, please let me know!


09/19/2022 08:46 PM 

Dark Net and Tor adventures part one!
Current mood:  adventurous

Hi guys!I recently installed linux (((debian btw))), not to brag for karma on r*ddit or something idk what kids these days do lol, but to browse dark net safely!!! (and install stuff from terminal omfg it looks so goddamn 1337!!!). I did it because when i accidentaly see something illegal i only have trauma for the rest of my life and i won't also go to jail yippe!! So, let's begin!! The first thing i wanted to see is tor mirror of my friendproject friend, lolwut, site, it sadly doesn't work anymoar :C, i hope it will be back someday. Next thing i checked was, its some sort of link directory like there are on neocities sites, i've seen some drug handling sites, 8chan .onion link, i wanted to visit all sites there were on, excluding PornHub, cause i didn't wanted to check if it's just normal pornhub diffrent link or some sort of darknet pornhub full of cheese pizza (also normal pornhub would be boring af, like, its just a porn site i've seen a morbillion times lmao). Read "Darknet Bible" and "Darknet history". Found also some cool site "Darknet live" or something that is darknet news, kinda cool to read if you ask me, there was bbc onion link (boring af if you ask me). Cool sh*t started when i visited Phobos Search, it's search engine for darknet, i searched a lot of crazy sh*t like "goblins are real" and "aliens proof", found nothing real sadly (but goblins are real i believe it!!!). The greatest thing i found was some old old old russian book for kids about goblins translated to engrish, it's ofc long but it was funny as heck. I really REALLY wanted to check Dread but it's experiencing DDoS rn so no browsing. It was fun to do. I also want to say that i didn't seen any cheese pizza and im proud of myself for that, i hope i won't get banned off friendproject for this blogpost, or at least, won't get meet by feds tommorow while on my way to school, bye!!

tor, dark net, dark, net, internet, adventure, blogpost, web


09/19/2022 12:33 AM 

09-19-22, 00:33AM

navigating the post-heartbreak world:cut my hair w a razor, now the flat iron is my bff, wrote my first (of hopefully many) captions for school, in the middle of writing songs to turn into our first demos.. navigating the world in ways i once refused toi used to long for heartbreak. i saw it as a smoking gun of juvenile maturity and the pinnacle of creativity. i would enter situationships where i gambled my heart and put it at a disadvantage just to get the hurt i only ever felt through music that had more experience than i did, bc i thought that the immense pain i envisioned would help me create masterpieces too.but theres a difference between viewing heartbreak as an accessory and having it crash down your senses in waves. first kisses, first nights in, first everything.. evenings you swore would be your first and last. when you get used to the warmth of limbs tangled in between each other, your soul wants nothing else in the world. when you share it and force it to abandon its solitary status, it gets used to the company and forgets how to live without it after it gets forcibly ripped apart. but thats where the hurt comes, and thats where the anger comes, and thats where the creativity comes, and your desire to make something beautiful out of the shock that flushes through ur entire body."just as long as u save a piece for me..." because pulp's lyrics are anything but mature and withstanding. but the thought stands still. we'll never be who we used to be, and the times wont be like they used to be. the sun won't rise the same way, the moonlight will never shine on us in the dark like it did a hundred summer nights ago. we're growing changing and evolving... but we can only pray that the memories we made stick somewhere in the core of your mind. leave a morsel of me inside your head. and b.), i am the one minute friend.. i am su li zhen. i am the one who avoids ticking clocks and certain times of the night.. the one who used to be unable to imagine how fleeting those fleeting touches truly could be?! but there comes a time when u need to swallow it all up and go back to macao anyway (and u have to do it sooner than soon enough, because otherwise you'll just end up suffocating ur mind with what ifs.)i think im doing better than expected for myself (xcept for the 6 planets in retrograde bc theyre f***ing w me REALL HARDD), and i actually end up liking the effect of being half-blindsided from everything thats happened so quickly. art comes to me easily, songs sound better than they used to, determination is at an all time high (most of the time). its a great thing to learn from, and im excited to move forward. its not the easiest thing to do, but its the most fascinating. if i cld wish for one thing, it would be for the process to go by quickly


09/19/2022 10:31 AM 

go look @ my website on neocities
Current mood:  bouncy

idk if i ever mentioned this b4 but i have a neocities site!!! made it all by myself w some help from the Brain Gang and also html help forums lol. i add new stuff all the time so go look at it nd liek sign my guestbook or something. or read the mile long page of personal information abt me LMAO.also im gona put up an art gallery soon so u can see my art & stuff!!!!!!! look:

personal, website,


09/19/2022 12:25 PM 

layouts lolol
Current mood:  happy

I FINALLY FIGURIED OUT HOW TO DO THE STUPID LAYOUT THING, but like it took me 6 hours to learn and it shouldnt have been that hard !!


09/18/2022 09:53 PM 

September 18th 2022
Current mood:  pure

Today was a calming day.  I woke up around ten-thirty and ate some leftover pizza from last night.  My aunt and uncle were here when I woke up to bring my mom her order.  She likes to make her shipping address my aunt's business address because then she doesn't have to pay shipping tax.   For some reason right now, I feel really itchy on my shoulders and it's bugging the hell out of me.   Anyways, after they left, I had to clean my room before my mom let me go to my lover's house.  He was disappointed in himself because last night he broke down and ended up punching his living room wall. I finished cleaning my room and headed to his house.  I left at around noon, and I just got home an hour ago.  We took a nap together, and I watched him play some Destiny before we bought dinner at Panera.  After Panera we got some Cold Stone ice cream.  I personally didn't understand the hype around them until I got a mixed order.  My favorite mixed order is the "Cookie Doughn't You Want It."  It's basically a cookie dough flavor with chunks of cookie dough and chocolate fudge syrup drizzled on top. Afterwards, we went back to his house, and I watched him play some more Destiny.  I left earlier than usual since I wanted to pick up some stuff from Walmart.  I bought materials to make Theo's temper tantrum chart, Christmas gifts for my cousin, some knitting materials, and watermelon for my lunch tomorrow.  I like to Christmas shop through the year so that I'm not fighting everyone else during the Christmas season.   I can't say that I'm excited for work tomorrow, but I'm not dreading it either.  I am a bit excited to start packing my lunch instead of eating whatever the kitchen has to offer.  Sometimes I don't like what they're making and end up buying out instead.  I'm trying to save money so packing my lunch would be easier.

abby the homicidal maniac

09/19/2022 01:32 AM 

a fork to the light socket

never liked, never loved, never knownan unmarked grave and an empty funeralwhat does everyone have that i don't?what knowledge was born into everyone else's head but omitted from mine?every new chapter the same old storyalways reduced to the smallest i can be, always hollow at the centre of the tootsie popmust i go through life begging for scraps and clinging onto what little i can get?the end is the beginning is the endand when it's over, who can say it ever existed at all?never wanted, never adored, never...valuedwas i anything? am i anything? did i matter?desperate acts for desperate resultsjust proving that i took up any space by leaving a void in my placeabby. that's me. 


09/17/2022 09:20 PM 

Purge My Love
Current mood:  ashamed

I wish I could stop myself.I wish it never started.I know you would be disappointed in me,but the feeling of my fingers down my throat,feel like your hands cupping my face.

poems, writing, poetry, tw, trigger warning, eating disorders, eating disorder


09/17/2022 09:05 PM 

Current mood:  anxious

I am taught from my families mistakes, every member has a lesson.I am terrified of what I might teach. 

poems, writing, poetry, family, trauma


09/17/2022 07:07 PM 

September 17th 2022
Current mood:  bored

Last night my lover spent the night at my house.  He is the first boy my parents let me sleep with in my bed.  We didn't do anything scandalous, we just cuddled and watched YouTube.  This morning, my father, brother, lover and I went to go visit a family friend, Carrie. Everyone in my family was very close with her husband but he passed away a couple years ago from breaking his neck in the shower.  Since his passing, we make sure to take time out of our schedules to visit her. The main reason for our visit today was because her computer broke.  My brother is very talented in building, fixing, and repairing computers.  I had some gifts that I wanted to give her as well.  I had some Hot Cash from Hot Topic to give her, and a fifty-movie set of vintage horror movies.   While we were there, we talked about how much weight she lost and her new puppy Nova.  My dad talked about work, and she told us how her neighbors were completely insufferable.   After we left, I went with my lover to his house.  We didn't stay long, only long enough to let the dogs out and put his kayak in his truck.  He dropped me back off at home and I had lunch before going out to get a few groceries.   I had chick-fil-a for dinner and have been watching a lot of YouTube.  All in all today wasn't very eventful.  I'm trying to think of things I can draw or paint for Carrie as she really likes my art but I haven't been very passionate about it for a while now.  Hopefully I'll find some inspiration soon.


09/17/2022 03:54 PM 

New Video

I Upload New Video go check this out


09/17/2022 05:53 PM 

Current mood:  happy

Hello everybody :DI'm New and my english is not the best but I hope to find new, cool Internet Friends :3



09/16/2022 05:03 PM 

September 16th 2022
Current mood:  pure

I really enjoyed how today went.  Theo started asking me to do things instead of just yelling at me.  I believe that now I have stood up to him that he looks at me as an equal instead of below him.   This morning I fixed a door that wouldn't fully shut.  They're pretty easy to fix, the lock was just jammed.  Afterwards, I helped replace the cameras and run wire to a new office.  I ended the day with waxing an office floor and another broken door. All in all, today was an easy day.  When I got home, I cleaned up my room a bit and now I am updating my blogs.   My lover is staying over tonight so I most likely won't be updating much.  Though, I wanted to show what arrived in the mail!   A few days ago, I ordered a stuffed animal.  It's a conjoined lamb!  Lambs are my favorite animals and I have such a fascination with conjoined twins.  (It makes me really angry when someone calls them "Siamese twins.") Below is a picture of them! I still need names for both of them.  The card on top of them is from the artist I bought them from on Depop. If the image is hard to read the Depop seller is Frankenstitch!

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