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So here I am, sitting on my couch drinking coke and whiskey, and updating my resume. I love my current job, and I know for a fact no one is going to pay me more for what I do than the folks I already work for, but I still need some extra loot. I've worked two jobs on and off for most of my adult life, so this isn't anything new to me. I do it for quite some time and inevitably get burnt out and quit one if not both jobs and start all over again. lol. The job I'm currently in the process of securing is a job where I basically drive around and take pictures of houses for thier insurance company. It's not awful. Especially since I love houses and I like to drive around aimlessly as is. It's flexible enough that I will be able to do it when I want to, so that's pretty exciting. Have a nice day!

Okay, so I haven't had time to hop on and update much of anything. Between work and breaking my phone I'm a little annoyed that things I've been obsessed with working on have been falling behind. Somehow I scored the next two days off of work, and Monday should grant me all sorts of alone time to sort things out. So yay there. Farewell

 h0p3 3v3ry0n3z hav1n fun!!! n stay saf3!!                  happy sm0k1ng uwu  

this might be a bit spoiler-y if you haven't read the most recent book, lost stars. :Ui've been reading forum posts from when only the preview was released and for some reason people really wanted shadowpaw to be a villain? i don't understand that. we don't need more evil shadowclan members to make it an interesting story, i'm tired of evil shadowclan cats. but on the flip-side i really think shadowpaw might be something different.like, he is obviously not getting his visions from starclan, and no other medicine cat (even ones like goosefeather) had seizures accompany their visions. my theory is that his seizures are due to these visions not being from starclan. no other medcat aside from him in lost stars has had any contact with starclan, and i think whoever is contacting shadowpaw chose a medcat apprentice for a reason... an apprentice wouldn't know the difference between starclan and whoever is contacting him now.i haven't finished AVOS, nor read tigerheart's shadow yet, but based on lost stars and the knowledge he's had these visions since birth... when starclan was able to be regularly contacted, puddleshine probably saw him as a prodigy and took him as his apprentice, but it was never starclan contacting him in the first place. i feel like shadowpaw wants to be the best medcat he can be, but whoever is talking to him in lost stars is actively sabotaging that. 

sealing your stupid fatewith a broken fence gateisn't it what you had planned?buying this isolated block of landwhere everyone lives farcareless to who you areand no one wants to stay after all you chose to hide away

My f***ing adorable a**hole dog bit my best freind today and I'm devistated. To be fair, she's been pushing his boundries because she thinks she can help him to be less agressiveShe wasn't harming him, he just wasn't ready to be pet by her yet and she went for it anyway. I hate knowing I'm going to have to put him down soon.I feel awful for her, although she says she's not done trying, and it's just a temporary setback.I love that she means well, she does just want to help, but I'm scared that this warning bite is going to turn into a full on attack next time. This whole situation just makes me incredibly sad. I got him  about 5 years ago. He wasn't even a year old and had already been through three owners. The breeders weren't particularly responsible and I was told that there's like an 80% chance that he was born from sibling dogs, and that the his grandparents were siblings from two different litters of pups.  The first home away from the breeders was completely unstable and ended up selling him via facebook to another .... also very unstable... owner who literally just left him at a freind's house.The third owner tried to keep him at first, but realized that there was no way he could keep  him and  offered to sell him to me, knowing I had been looking for a dog for a few months. I came and met him and fell in love but had to find the money for a rehoming fee. I wasn't able to find the money at the time, so after a week or two, my freind gave him to me as a birthday present.I had a roommate that was physically abusive to him. She had been my best freind for ten years, and now I'm  no longer freinds due in most part to the way she treated my dog.I have zero chance of rehoming him with his agression, and to be honest, I feel like putting him down might be the better option than putting him through yet another home, especially one he's been a part of for so many years. I really hope my freind is able to help him. I also hope like hell that her hand heals up well. I feel awful.:(Nighty night.

sKILL MEthod is an experimental music project by yours truly.Genre: Experimental, noise, drone, ambient. A few tracks use MIDI.sKILL MEthod can be found on Facebook.sKILL MEthodBandcamp.https://skillmethod.bandcamp.com/Soundcloud.https://soundcloud.com/skill-method/tracksAnd Youtube.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USikujMpY0o&list=PL1CsECV-3jHDZlBjxs5cY-XnW_q1lLUX5

For some reason I'm stuck on song names for blog post subjects. Okie. So anyway, today hasn't been anything special. Trying to hunt down an interweb side hustle lol. It's actually a pretty slow moving day, and I'm thankful for it. Getting a new bunny today, so that's good. The rescue is basically full at this point so it's time to either expand or start advertising so I can get some of these animals into good homes. I hate advertising though, because then I get more folks I have to properly vet and vetting sometimes takes forever. I also end up with influx of more animals and when I have no more space that's a problem. Also it requires talking to people, and I suck at that. Oui.Too many people around the last few days for me to dive into more indepth things that I want to write about. It puts me in a mood. Things to do. Animals and children to feed. Maybe later tonight. See ya

any1 3lse gett1n fr1end r3quests fr0m v1rus l00kin us3rz/gr0ups?? l1ke 1 g0t a fr1end requ3st fr0m s0me1 n wh3n 1 cl1ck3d 0n th3ir pr0f1le it just p0pped up a "Friendproject.net says: hdaswtluy3578wrih89r37refayr8f9" th1ng and?? wtf!!!

I don't think I ever imagined that I would be quoting Blink 182 via blog, while speaking of life in my thirties. My early twenties maybe, but I'm definitely not 22 anymore, although nobody likes me now either. Okay, ran that joke into the ground.Weekends at work don't suck too bad, theres multiple people to talk sh*t to, and for some reason when certain coworkers work with me, we get into discussions about our existential crises. It still sorta unnerves me, because these are people that I don't even get to hang out with outside of work usually, but yet it's comforting because it's people that I thought had things together much more than they actually do. eh. Anyway. That's about it, until I get home from the local wrestling show I'm about to attend. I don't think I've actually watched wrestling since the early 2000's lol Go figure. aloha.

I write to relieve stress. Sometimes I write constantly. There isn't an empty scrap of paper to be found anywhere in sight. There sometimes is fifty different projects open on my laptop that I have started, but not finished. I'll start on one story, and end up side routed and diverting my attention to a minute detail of the story, so much that I realize it's a story in and of itself that I have to re-write as a standalone. Usually half way through, it's gone. Most recently it seems most of my writing focuses on trauma processing. I've used writing so long to escape reality that now I'm using it to process unwelcome parts of reality that my mind has a hard time dealing with. In all honesty, it's kind of a nifty concept to grasp for me. No, I'm not going to go into specific detail of the trauma I'm dealing with, for now. One day I'm sure I'll spill gut and come out with all the gory details that have made me the .... individual.... that I am, but right now I'm going to give the very shorthand version.I'm in my thirties. I have four kids. I suffer from PTSD, BPD, and Bipolar. These things aside, I've mellowed in my old age. I used to go on these wild adventures, before the therapy, and the medication. I  absolutely detested the medication, so here I am, non medicated for the last eight years, and actually doing... somewhat well, for me anyway. I work a full time job, oftentimes working two jobs plus whatever side hustles I can get my hands on. I raise my children, one of which has autism and another has diabetes. One of my kids is actually my step daughter, so occasionally there's a little drama with that, but generally not so much. My husband is actually my second husband, He's a few years younger than me, but is definitely my fp, although I split on him occasionally (google bpd splitting, because I don't have the spoons to explain that tonight.... and now that I think about it, I don't think I have the spoons to explain what I mean by 'Spoons' tonight either. ) I've survived my own brain this long, which is oftentimes a nightmare in and of itself, but I've also survived domestic abuse, both physical and emotional. I've survived being poor for... well basically my entire life, and survived child abuse, abandonment, and neglect. I'm not going to pretend that this is going to be some sort of inspiration porn, it's not. It's probably going to be absolutely and downright depressing on a fairly regular basis.I'm not really even expecting anyone to read it. I might make a few connections to people of interest here, but who knows. Unfortunately it's time for me to crash out, Work in the morning. Adios 

Okay, So I'm part of a  ridiculous f***ton of groups on Facebook. One of them is this group called 'It's 2005 and this is cool as hell' . Someone mentioned this site there, and I decided to check it out. Not a huge issue, not a big story or anything weird. Then my brain hit this weird time warp and I went and checked my old myspace.So. Many. Pictures.  Pictures of my children as babies, except I was off myspace before my son was born. Pictures of my siblings, God I missed those pictures. Then there it was. Pictures of my abuser. I can't go back to my myspace, although I'm sure I could probably create another one. But the format is like 120% different then when I originally was super active there.I can't share things on Facebook, My family would be less than enthused to read what I have to say about... well...... anything. So... yeah. I'm fairly certain I will be keeping this mainly for the blogging aspect. Seems legit. Probably going to go delete actual photographs of myself though. Seems the safest way to keep myself half-assed anon. Yep. Toodles. 

yothis weekend is my yearly pilgrimage to my local anime convention aaa. Well it's a general nerd convention but over the years it's become very anime orientated. It's Armageddon expo in Wellington. I'm super excited. This year I'll be wearing a mahou kei outfit, as mahou kei is my favorite jfashion style. It literally just means "dressing like a magical girl" whichis what I strive to always do :'DI'm hoping to get some good merch but I'm also gonna be meeting up with some friends which is super cool. I'm just super excited. I'm gonna be packing my bag tomorrow so that on Saturday I'm all ready to leave.Maybe I should use this blog more often. It's nice to just blab on about stuff and I'm sure my twitter followers would much appreciate that I did it here and not in horribly unorganized, fragmented twitter threads :')oki well that's me for the momentRATTO-CHAN OUT*static*

Hello there buddies. I'm back with an actual blog post now and not just get-to-know-me questions. There's nothing going on at work. I'm just listening to the radio and reading one of Richard Ayoade's books. I'm feeling very odd, like I might cry. Which is weird because I woke up feeling pretty decent. I might just be PMSing. Or just having a mood swing. That's not out of the ordinary. I've got about an hour before I go home. I think it'll go quickly. Yesterday I felt like absolute crap physically. My punk ass pain condition decided to really let me have it (I'm in the process of weening off a medication that my body grew to rely on). I was not feeling confident that it would get any better, but when I woke up this morning I was pleased to discover that it had. Nothing too major, but slight improvements. However, just the diseases presence causes me anxiety. Knowing that at any moment it could spring up and attack me makes me never able to fully relax. Within the last hour or so I've started feeling a burning sensation on my face, particularly around my eyes. This has happened before. But it immediately started upsetting me. The more I panic the worse it gets, but I don't know how to just fully let go and chill. Guess I have to start practicing. Not having control of something is not something I generally like. This is just a problem I've always had. But I really need to start working on it. I need to convince myself that not knowing what's going to happen is not bad. Not everything unknown is dangerous. Ugh, I'm just getting more nervous as the time goes on. I think I'm gonna stop here. I'm sorry. I just don't wanna keep talking at the moment.

63 Annoying Questions Survey 1. Song that always makes you sad? Pieces of You by Epik High. Also, When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne and Desert Island Questionnaire by Conor Oberst. 2. Last thing you bought? With my own money, gas haha3. Last person you argued with? My brother4. Do you put Butter before putting the peanut butter on? Ew no why 5. One of your stuffed animals' names as a kid? Panda-E!6. Did you ever own at one time a Barenaked Ladies Cd? Lol nope, never was my thing7. Favorite day of the week? I'm gonna be basic and say Friday8. Favorite Sundae topping? Peanut Butter!9. Did you take Piano lessons? Yup, as a young child10. Most frequent song played? Oh god I dunno lemme check Spotify, please hold. Okay so looks like it's either Choke by IDKHBTFM or Dig Up Her Bones by the Misfits11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy? House Hunters, hehe12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey? Hockey all the way13. Date someone older or younger? I always dated people who were older14. One place you could travel right now? I'd go to the mountains, I miss it up there. 15. Do you use umbrellas? Sometimes! If I remember one haha 16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem? Not at all haha 17. Favorite Cheese? Good ol' Vermont sharp cheddar 18. The Smith's or the Cure? Ooh that's rough, it really depends what mood I'm in. I like both bands, but I possibly like The Cure just a tad bit more19. Do you prefer Blondes or Brunettes? No preference really20. Best job you ever had? I'd say it was my first job working at a grocery store when I was 16. I made so many friends there and had so many great times21. did you go to your high school prom? Yeah, and it was alright, but I liked going to the beach and getting drunk afterwards with my buddies much more haha22. perfect time to wake up? Like 9:30am23. perfect time to go to bed? 10:30-11:00pm24. do you use your queen right away in chess? Not usually25. Ever been in a car accident? Only once, we didn't get hurt but the car was totaled 26. closer to mom or dad...or neither? I'm close to both of them equally, but in very different ways.27. what age is this exciting life over for you? The excitement is never over, friend.28. what decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager? 80's probably29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned? Oh god this is hard... I had these bright red sandals for a while that I loved. My current favorite shoes are my red Chelsea boots.30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school? Oh yeah, many. I didn't grow much 31. Were you in track and field? Lol oh no way 32. Were you ever in a school talent show? Yes, in junior high and I played flute 33. Have you ever written in a library book? I'm sure I have at some point34. Allergic to? Just one thing in the entire world, and for some strange reason I'm allergic to guinea pigs35. Favorite fruit? Apples36. Have you watched sex and the city? Nope, never really had any interest37. Baseball hat or toque? Toques more often38. Do you shampoo first in the shower or soap? Shampoo first 39. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste? You gotta wet it!40. Pen or pencil? Pen41. Have you ever gambled at a casino? Gambling ain't my thing but I've been to casinos 42. Have you thrown up on a plane? No, thank god43. Have you thrown up in a car? When I was very young 44. Have you thrown up at work? Nope45. Do you scream on roller coasters? Haha sometimes!46. Who was your first prom date? Junior prom with my boyfriend at the time47. Who was your first roommate? This girl who probably now hates my guts lmao48. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk for the first time? Oh god I can't remember49. What was your first job? At a grocery store!50. What was your first car? A Jeep 51. When did you go to your first funeral? Oh I dunno maybe I was like 852. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? 1853. Who was your first grade teacher? I won't say his name but he was a very nice guy54. Where did you go on your first airplane ride? Jamaica 55. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with? I never did56. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them? This girl Melissa, and we still keep in touch!57. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent's house? In a dorm at my first college, a nine hour drive away from home58. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? Probably my boyfriend59. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? Hasn't happened yet!60. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Pee probably haha61. What was the first concert you attended? Aaron Carter baybeeeeee62. First tattoo or piercing? First piercing were my ears when I was younger and first tattoo I got when I was 18 and it's on my ribs63. First celebrity crush? Aaron Carter lol