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~Magickal Graphics~

So it's been a minute. I got a couple updates, so here we go!Still working on the albums, and I'm over halfway through the covers album, which has a cover now!I've been writing a lot, and I hope to have some more songs for my originals album, and a cover and whatnot soon! It's all really nebulous at the moment.Over at WWR, I've taken on the making flyers jobs, and as evidenced by the new photo album, and I'm the one who shares them outside of Facebook. I still have one hip hop thing I do, my band Samhain Night Krawlerz.That's me and Skratch. We've started work on a new album!My boss has a new album coming, as well, and from what I've heard ,it's pretty good.I'll do a blog post as more come, and post the artwork in an album, so it's more accessible!

I'm not talking about when going to a childcentric activity, (obviously )  I'm talking even when their kids are at school, or at camp, or it's just the adults getting together.It seems once they become a parent, their single or childfree friends simply no longer exist to them.I have seen this happen a few times now, does anyone else on here have friends that stopped hanging out with you and any other non-parent friend after they became a parent?Do you still talk to them at all?

"have you been trying to lose weight?"a simple question, innocuous to most. after all, i am obese. the doctor probably has no clue what those words do to my psyche.have i been trying to lose weight?i eat one meal most days.have i been trying to lose weight?my dietician told me counting calories would probably lead to a relapse, and im so tempted to do it again so i can have ana back.have i been trying to lose weight?this time last year i was surviving on green tea and miso soup and fasting for days at a time.have i been trying to lose weight?maybe if i don't eat at all i'll finally start losing enough weight for the doctors to be satisfied.have i been trying to lose weight?every time i eat i fight the urge to punish myself for it. people my size shouldn't waste food; my body fat could sustain me for months most likely.have i been trying to lose weight?the scale hovers at 290lbs and nothing happens. i feel even worse for having the audacity to eat full portions of everything.have i been trying to lose weight?no, not really. i've just been listening to my dietician and endocrinologist because they're supposed to know what's best.have i been trying to lose weight?maybe i should start counting calories again. i miss feeling empty after fasting for days at a time.have i been trying to lose weight?not as hard as i could be, so i feel like i haven't been at all.have i been trying to lose weight?last fall i lost 50lbs in two months by restricting and fasting, and my doctors were thrilled...until they found out how i did it.have i been trying to lose weight?i can't be anorexic, i weigh nearly 300lbs. if i was anorexic i'd be pretty.have i been trying to lose weight?if i die of starvation will they finally believe i was making an effort to lose weight? when my funeral comes will people comment on how thin i am? or will starving myself to death still not be enough to make me skinny?have i been trying to lose weight?if i try any harder, i'll be killing myself.have i been trying to lose weight?if i told you i'm never not trying, would you believe it? would you believe i only eat once a day? would you believe i never drink soda, never eat sugary sh*t, try my hardest to stick to less than 1k calories a day even though my dietician says not to count? if i told you i feel like a thousand calories is way more than i should be eating? if i told you the only reason i eat is because i don't want people to be concerned for me?have i been trying to lose weight?i guess that's not the question you should be asking. maybe you shouldn't treat losing weight like it's the only thing that will help my illness. because you're killing me.have i been trying to lose weight?i have, and i'm still trying, and it's not working, and i want to starve myself so i can be pretty.

After all this time you still make my heart beat erratically. And I still can't believe the softness in my eyes when I look at you.I don't know how, but you melt all of my insides away.I wish I could keep you inside my heart and save you for a rainy day.loveloveloveabby

I come here today to try and gain my self worth back to be able to let go of the people that manipulated me so badly the past six months this year. My friend had an album release today so I thought I would message him to celebrate the successful feedback of the album. But instead of joy, I was met with coldness. He was upset that I was posting survivor quotes on my Instagram without dropping names. The abuse was coming from my little brother and his fiance who were both my roommates, and my friend is very close to my brother. He was in a very abusive friendship for many years so his perception on these types of situations are very skewed. He truly believes that abuse is deserved and the only way to stop mistreatment is changing. Don't get me wrong, this guy is a very good person and he tried to come from a good place and he was also hurt. But he was pushing what his abuser taught him onto me. And in my heart, mistreatment of someone should never be justified. I admit I have been toxic to them in spurts of self destructive behaviors, which usually only happen when I am triggered, using the appropriate term since I have mild PTSD. But when these people have little to no regard for your life and come into your room at night waking you up with their foot on your chest and saying "I can kill you right now and no one would know" and beginning to force 300 lbs  their body weight onto me, I am not going to say "Its okay! I f***ed up and deserved it!" And not only that but pull a airsoft gun on me when I finally fight for my life. Sure, it was a BB gun, but if shot act a close range it can be very dangerous. I was lucky it fired a blank. Just to think, what if it was a real hand pistol...I would have been staring death in the face at that moment.That wasn't his first time he used attempting murder as a manipulation tactic and I know if I stayed there it wouldn't be his last. It was much more emotional and psychological abuse than physical abuse, but it occasionally did get physical at some points. My friend cut me off. And I accept it for what it is. It was meant to happen. The Venus retrograde is the time where the universe puts your relationships and friendships on trial. It is a time where I will find who in my life are my true friends and who are the toxic people I need to let go. I let these people use me and emotionally manipulate me for over four years and I am done with it. "I have outgrown many things. I have outgrown relatives who gladly offer criticism but not support. I have outgrown my need to meet my family's unrealistic expectations of me. I have outgrown girls who wear masks and secretly rejoice at my misfortunes. I have outgrown shrinking myself for boys who are intimidated by my intelligence and outspoken nature. I have outgrown friends who cannot celebrate my accomplishments. I have outgrown people who conveniently disappear when life gets a little dark. I have outgrown those who take pleasure in gossiping and spreading negativity. I have outgrown dull, meaningless conversations that feel forced. I have outgrown those who don't take a stand against ignorance and injustice. I have outgrown trying to please everyone. I have outgrown society constantly telling me I'm not beautiful, smart, or worthy enough. I have outgrown my tendency to fill my mind with self doubt and insecurity. I have outgrown trying to find reasons not to love myself. I have outgrown anything and anyone that doesnt enrich the essence of my soul. I have outgrown many things---and I never felt freer."-Chanda KaushikIf someone treats you like crap, just remember that there's something wrong with them, not you. Normal people don't go around destroying other human beings.I don't wish them well, nor do I wish them misfortune. I wish them what they deserve, the affects of karma will take it from here. So mote it be. Blessed be to all my true friends who stand up for whats right and try to enrich the lives around them. Thank you for reading. Love,Ashton                                Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed code

Dont expect me to forgive you so easily this time. You have given me sob story after sob story. You CONSTANTLY said "That person on stage is really how I am." but a few months after your apology, you: push me down, become overly critical of me, say you wish you never found me again, disown me, told me that I am the reason mom ended her life, BLAMED ME FOR YOUR RELAPSES, played favorites, stole, lied, and made promises to which you never fulfilled. You promised to keep me safe and you did the EXACT OPPOSITE EVERY SINGLE TIME. I forgave you too many times before. For FOUR GOD DAMN YEARS I said "It's Okay" pretty much reaffirming your behavior. I was basically saying "Its okay, you can still treat me this way.". I don't care how ANYONE sees you. To me you are a HORRIBLE person who wears the mask of a savior. You're no better than Donna OR Donald. And for the record, I am ashamed to have your genes. I am ashamed to have the Way blood in my veins. I am so f***ing ashamed to have ever called you my parent. I thought that my step dad was bad as a kid. You make him look like a SAINT in comparison. And you have admitted so many times that you would have abused me if you stayed in my life you f***ing psychopath. And you were right. You treated mom like this, why did I ever expect you to be any different with me! You said "We were both abusive". I don't believe that anymore. I believe that she was standing up for herself after all of those years of you treating less than a human being, constantly CHEATING on trust ANYONE after what you did to her.  And you "regret it" but then you turn around and shoved my face in the dirt OVER AND OVER AGAIN. F*** off. I hate you. You are a piece of sh*t and I cant believe I wasted four years of my life trying to get the love you never gave me. Drop dead motherf***er.                                 Get your own valid XHTML YouTube embed code

what are the three most terrifying words you can think of? a lot of people would say something along the lines of "you have cancer," some people would say "we should talk," others would say "I love you."but me? mine are "Are you happy?" because "I don't know."   loveabby

I keep seeing things on my Facebook page about it being a turning point in universal energies. Basically I keep getting messages saying there is a miracle on the horizon for us spiritualists and that the five and a half months of suffering and manipulation has finally come to a close from the Pluto Retrograde. As we begin to enter the Venus Retrograde, our relationships between our family, friends, and lovers are put on trial as well as our financial income. So lets all be prepared here, its not over yet. But good things are coming. We all learn and grow as the universe tells us how to continue down the right path in your life. Stay positive, share good vibes and motivational words. Stand up for yourself . Now is the time for rest and healing. Your spirit guides are there for you, hear them whisper. Your time to rise has arrived. You will find sanctuary and work towards inner peace. Look inwards and remind yourself who you are, you are unique in this world. You will discover fascinating things. Become the best person you can be. So mote it be. Blessed be to all my friends on here. Stay strong!

I'm guilty of f***ing up again. I thought I could see the best in people and give them a second chance but what I should have learned the last time was if nothing changed last time, it wont work out this time. Some people will tell you over and over again that they have change and promise sanctuary away from a chaotic life. But when they burst into your room at midnight and put their foot on your chest waking you up and whispering "I could kill you right now and no one would ever know". I was in fear almost 24/7 with no support system. But they made a big mistake. I had a mental breakdown and they called the cops on me and forced me into inpatient care at the local psychiatric hospital. That event changed everything. After discharging I decided to start IOP. I explained my situation to the group which I thought I was the one at fault. My "friends" have fully convinced me that I was evil. The group and therapists opened my eyes and told me how they were treating me was not normal. I was willing to put up with so much just so I could have at least some people in my life to mutually care and support each other. But it was incredibly one sided. Sure, they gave me a house with my own room to live in, I helped pay rent, I helped buy food...I went through hell and back to make sure that they were safe. I was there for them in the beginning when they needed someone. Then their  behavior changed and mine did too because of how toxic they were. They accused me of treating their dogs like sh*t, when I was actually taking care of them and spending time with them while they sat in their room all day. They werent even supposed to be my responsibility but they forced the dogs on me because they were "part of the family too". They were overly critical of me and everything I was doing. They tried to be purists while shaming me for almost everything I did. I could never be good enough for them. And in IOP I met this awesome guy named Zack. He is nine years older than me but by this time I was so f***ing desperate to get the f*** out of my situation I begged him to get me out of there. We got along pretty well. And I dont think I wouldve started talking to him if he didnt bring up D&D. He is your typical gamer geek. So we hit it off very well. After we both graduated the class I met his parents and they said that I can live with them til I get on my feet. They dont have a deadline for me to go which makes it better. And they kinda adopted me as their own. Im working on getting a job and exploring myself and searching to find who I truly am inside. Cause I am done trying to be a mold just so people would like me and avoid conflict. I am done living in fear. I am done living in the past. I found my spiritual side on this journey, and I feel strongly connected to my celtic pagan heritage. The new age and old celtic religions and practices gave me the positive messages I needed to hear. I dont want to go and say the whole "I found God" ordeal,  since most of my beliefs revolve around nature and magick. I am starting a new path as a celtic witch. And Samhain is upon us and my mother and my ancestors spirits will be on the same plane for the only day this year. background halloween black cleonie fond picturesThis is time to let go of toxic people and start healing. Good things are upon us. And I shall be starting my college years soon at SWIC Belleville here in Southern Illinois. I will work towards a pre-major in fine arts and transfer my credits to Joe Kubert Art School in New Jersey so I can accomplish getting my dream job. I am also working on a portfolio/inktober sketches so anyone interested in seeing those can find them on my instagram @ashtonwayart. Hop you all are having a fantastic week.Love, Ashton Way                            

Just found about this website today, thought I'd give it a go, so here I am, new profile and all.

I bought my residenceMy room in fortress I took picture with my phone was sunny day out. Along with tokyu rail road company estate agency. Buying this room was applied. Busy days working at  manufactory and application, Ownership law / Real Property Registration Order applied, drivers licence to my ID. City district hall to police station Lots of application tasks to do taking off days while working at manufactory.This place won't allow Yakuza, Japanese yankee,bouryoku danin, foreigner to reside or enter before reside must identify self and apply and comfirm law application not belonging to any of above mentioned. I as well did and applied.Billiard room, drinking hall, laundry section, all inside fortress (Mansion)

Im the only one like meIn this whole universeIm the worst to beAnd you wont ever knowWho i am Please just goBecause this was just,An accidentAnd if you must,Leave a little slowerBut please,Dont say you want to be,Just like me

Defenseless.In a weak industrial world.Fearless.In a strong imperial morgue.The gentle grass hits my knees,Hits my ankles.The gentle flow of the trees.Painful memories leaving you in shackles.Rushing business into the world,Continuous lights in the cold.Tider tadder at my window.Every heart begins to shatter.Frequent tears at your side.Heights to show how small you are.But to you, life is just a ride.Catching the fireflies.Counting every single lie.Realizing you never got far.Signs mean only one thing.To captivate your eyes.But you only live in your disguise.Sometimes you believe you are mesmerized.Tider tadder at my window.Believing chances may not fail.Tider tadder at my window.This is where we all find the holy grail.Hearing shouts upon the night.But there's certainly no fright.The dark shadows and sudden falls.But you're kept safe among those walls.Tider tadder at my window.The black night shows no flow.We can see no stars.We only see the restless cars.This dark night is only a shadow.Of the tider tadder at my window.

Shouting up to the sky,I think we need to be wise.The man appears."Kid, you need to be ignorant."They always say,Ignorance is bliss.But what may be the reason why.Is it problems can't be fixed?I don't know where to go,All this time going with the flow.Now I see empty spaces everywhere,Take me somewhere.Wake up from the nightmare.The midnight creaks in the floorboards.Looks at the mirror and stares.Stabbing my reflection 12 times.The dark clouds to carry me away.While many candles bring me back down.But candles burn out.I burned out.Carving words in legs.Marking the times that make this life hard.All the times anyone gave up.Pulling up the card.Wings clipped from age 3.Keeping me where everyone says I should be.Believing in dreams.Helping others complete theirs.I pushed out of this nest.I can do what's best.I want to reach, or fly.Leaping out to the sky.Happiness is a treasure.It's kept away.The feeling being severe.I don't know what to say.