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Meanwhile I try to act so nonchalant... Mr. Beckett had it right when he said "Love me, or leave me, or rip me apart." I'm wa(it)ding in the water. Tie the anchor around my ankle or throw me the lifesaver. Anything for you to glance over the hull. Wouldn't it be nice? We can hide in the daylight. The moonlight exposes us for what we are. The sun sees me disinterested. The moon sees me desperate. Cue the guitars and the trumpets. You're like spring. A fool might wonder if you're ever really there, but a voyeur always knows. Ivy grows in your eyes. You leave flowers sprouting in your trail. Sprightly as a twitching rabbit's nose, begging to act, but afraid of attention. I always notice. See you tonight with an empty bed and a crowded head.  abby 

"i'll be back whenever"a note left on the bench.a feeling you'll be back never.an emptiness that can't be tamed.the grey is eating me alive,I can't see the colours,I can feel myself dive.and under the waves,I'll never survive.

I had a horrible nightmare recentlyMany parts of it are vague and only remembered in bits and pieces, but the main part I remember, I dreamed that I was lying in bed awake, although the room I was in was completely different than my room in real life and A huge serpent with the head of an angry looking woman slithered up on to the bed and reared up above me. She stared at me with furious looking eyes and spoke to me without moving her mouth, I don't remember what she said though.Then she simply slithered off and I awoke in fright.

I put up a musician page on here, and added it to my friends list. I swear doing coding for the layout(I put on this page, too) is like riding a bike. I need to fix a few things, but other than that, it was fairly simplistic. So I haven't been on here in a few days. My internet was off, and now that it's back, I can get back on here. I may also post my VapingDuckie stuff on here, specifically this page. 

I have felt lonely lately. I don't know why, I'm a loner by nature, and have no problem with that. But there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Normally I have my hobbies and distractions and they are enough to ward of loneliness, but this week, for whatever reason, this has not worked for me.I do know one thing though, the solution is not to be around other people. Other people never alleviate loneliness for me, if anything they just make me feel more lonely. I remember a quote I once heard "Ending up all alone is not the worst thing, the worst thing is ending up with people that make you feel all alone". The more I spend time with others the more I realize I have very little in common with them. These days people all seem to talk about reality TV, celebrities, pop music, 'healthy living', the gym, their kids, their upcoming wedding, the golf game they played on the weekend, or troubles with their spouse. It's all so boring to me. I acknowledge, the stuff I wanna talk about is probably boring to them, I'm not trying to claim I am better or more interesting than they are, far from it. Just that I seem to be incompatible. 

i just want you to love me. is that too much to ask for?

I forgot about this, and now, sinceI been drinking, I remembered. I should be good tomorrow to do the coding for the layout, and set up a musician page.  Keep it tuned. I promise I'll get it fixed. Who knoea, I may put my vaping reviews on here.

A song you like with a color in the title"Pink Maggit" - DeftonesA song you like with a number in the title"1 Trait Danger - DROVE MY CAR [remix]" - 4lungA song that reminds you of summertime"Summertime" - My Chemical Romance (lol)A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about"Slide" - Goo Goo DollsA song that needs to be played LOUDlike... every single one, but especially?"Gutwrench" - Alekhine's Gun"Witness" - Mindless Self Indulgence"Gateways" - Dimmu Borgir"Welcome Home" - Coheed and CambriaA song that makes you want to dance"Don't Stop Me Now" - QueenA song to drive to"Witness" - Mindless Self IndulgenceA song about drugs or alcohol"Manipulator II" - Knocked LooseA song that makes you happy"F*** YEAH I FEEL LIKE KRILLIN" - 4lungA song that makes you sad"My Immortal" - EvanescenceA song that you never get tired of"I'm Just A Girl" - No Doubt (this is one of the first songs i can ever remember hearing in my entire life and i still love it so!!! yeah!)A song from your preteen years"Tik Tok" - Ke$ha (still fckin bangs)One of your favorite 80’s songs"Play With Me" - ExtremeA song that you would love played at your wedding"Good Enough" - EvanescenceA song that is a cover by another artist"Zero" - Evanescence (are u seeing a pattern lolol)One of your favorite classical songs"Four Seasons" - VivaldiA song that would sing a duet with on karaoke"Bring Me To Life" - EvanescenceA song from the year that you were born"Freak on a Leash" - Korn (1998!)A song that makes you think about life"So I Thought" - FlyleafA song that has many meanings to you"All I Want Is to Be Loved" - FreyaA favorite song with a person’s name in the title"Isobel" - BjorkA song that moves you forward"Breath and Chime" - FreyaA song that you think everybody should listen toliterally everything on this listA song by a band you wish were still together"My Room" - LiferA song by an artist no longer living"Papercut" - Linkin ParkA song that makes you want to fall in love"All Around Me" - FlyleafA song that breaks your heart"The Last Song I'm Wasting On You" - EvanescenceA song by an artist with a voice that you love"Powerlessness" - Jeff Rosenstockand also of course any song by EvanescenceA song that you remember from your childhood"All of these Dreams" - PhishA song that reminds you of yourself"Vicarious" - Tool

how do y'all get that autoplay music on ur profilesive tried a bunch of codes but none of em actually worked so..idkis there like another one idk about or something ??

Ugh, I have so much homework today. I'll try to update tonight. Hope you're on the edge of your seat because I'm sure the next post is gonna be absolutely dull.  kisses and stitches, abby 

Is it just me or is pop music today worse than ever before? The play the same bland soulless crap on the radio over and over again, multiple times a day, every day, its hard to even tell one song/artist from another. It's like they churn these singers out on a factory production line. There is no real personality, the songs themselves are about nothing, and whats with the trend of Disney setting up its child TV stars with pop music careers? Their music is often auto-tuned, is the blandest of the bland and usually their teenybopper fans have forgotten who they were after a couple of years when they become fans of the next 'big thing'.It saddens me, there are so many genuinely talented musicians out there,people performing at local shows, in bars or in garages, uploading their music online. People who can sing, play an instrument well and write good songs, but they never make it to radio. They go most of their lives working crappy day jobs to pay the bills, trying to get gigs that pay very little, out of their love of music they keep slogging on, while these talentless hacks churned out by the corporate machine rake in the big bucks. There is so much great music out there, but the odds are you wont hear it on a mainstream radio station.

soooo school is almost over, we have about a month and a half left before SUMMERhere in buttf*** iowa, we've been having chilly weather all month, and i just really wanna wear shorts my boyfriend is leaving this summer to train in the army, and he can only contact me by letters, which is also gonna suckbut hey, at least i have this laptop to keep me occupied 

The world would be a better place if people like my control freak boss did not exist. It's incredible how this money hungry, personality impaired moron even has clients, let alone staff. Every decision is illogical and overly complicated, and always based more on controlling his employees actions for the sake of controlling them, rather than satisfying the customer. A perfectionist who does nothing even remotely close to perfectly. A guy who screams at you for a small mistake before going on to make a much larger mistake himself. 

drowning in my thoughts again,sorry for ever thinking,clinically, am i really sane?'cause i really think i'm sinking.soon i'll be stuck in these pits.forever hidden by the space between us.and sadly, the pain, it never quits.i'd rather be crushed by a bus.the lack of words,that sinking feeling.sorry for failing you.from this, there is no healing.

I think of landscapes and castles in Italy. Film like Warhol Frankenstein to gasper noe carne and kanon. I feel happy enough to suffocate til no hope with succeeding towards my goal onto good if resist.. can make it...if not smothered Cloudy sunnyday. My perfect white girl and me only. Tell me "You made it this far take some nap placing your head on my legs. " If you are reading books ...Im closing my eye hiding my ugly face with my hands trying to see the Scape of nostalgic europe sky colored cloudy and sunlight dim to much as summer days.pull my hair and tell me. "GUY. NO ONES AROUND YOU AND ME. HOW DO YOU FEEL? EXPRESS YOURSELF.I answered "I WANT MY CHILD VERY BEAUTIFUL YOUR STYLES AND SKIN NEVER LET ANYBODY" "Right on... Right on... I just want to see you expressing feeling towards me."She says. I answered "Am I enough for you. You are squeezing my ear stop?" She says. "Yuto Hirata be ninja. Its getting dark.. to bungalow! " Sure. Im in bungalow eating dinner together with my perfect white girl. I smile. Its getting storm outside and all we have is dim light from European design light. Finally I can lay my head on her heart and feel body temperature touching her hair and sleep in warmth of her motherly love.. your hand on my backside of neck holding my head strongly to your heart looking sideways. All I can hear is your comfortable heartbeat and sound of storm outside.