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!!!!!!!!!! MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND SELF INJURY!!!!!!!!!   If there was one thing that I could do right now is cut myself, deep. I haven't done it as much due to being busy with school a lot of the time therefore, my tolorance to pain withering away, for some reason when I cut, it either hurts or it doesn't provide me the high I want. The more I cut, the higher my pain tolorance becomes and the more I do it. I enjoy cutting myself but, for whatever reason, I'm too f***ing sad to even lift a finger. I want all this sh*t to go away, I want to end it all but, that would cause my family pain, greif and possibly guilt. Another thing that is somewhat related to this, I need sharper blades, the ones I use are dull, it's nearly inpossible for me to find anything else. I can't just walk to f***ing Walmart and get what I need, am I just going to have to steal sh*t? Probably.

day 7: re-animatordir. stuart gordon 8/10what if frankenstien was gay and also had slutty, slutty glasses? (and yeah ik its based off of an hp lovecraft story but he based it off of mary shellys story so uh. sux 2 him he could never get d*cked down on his moms grave)

day 6: hello mary lou prom night 2dir. bruce pittman8.5/10best movie!! mary lou #1 horror slut ily babe

day 5: scannersdir. david cronenberg6/10available free on seriesonline.io  amazing imagery and some of the best gore i’ve ever seen. the storys kinda half baked, the characters are somewhat bland and baseless and the music is near godawful, but besides that it’s an all around good flick. good film if you’re really into semi trashy 80s horror and sci fi. 

day 4: chopping malldir. jim wynorski7/10available free here https://youtu.be/HKyCSbaP_K8love. robots in a mall? an abandoned mall you say? yeah you vapourwave freaks would like this one. 

day 3: jeepers creepersdir. not important. not important who directed this movie9/10available free on seriesonline.ioi f***ing love this movie we got homo eroticism, sexy creeper, the old lady from good luck charlie, ass, dead body, rusty creepermobile, and no eyes! the gore is delicious, the actors r amazing and the creeper? hilar. love this film the only reason im taking one off is bc the director is a p3d0 ://

day 2: cirque du freak: the vampires assistantdir. paul weitz8/10 (changed my f***ing life)available on netflix and free on seriesonline.io(also i know this isnt technically a horror movie but. f*** you its halloween)this movie has everything- spider theivery, john c reiley vampire, teacher murder, homo erotic elements, wolf people, sexy milfs, gothic indie soundtrack, vampire cults, baller transitions, the baby from eraser head, half-vampire x monkey-girl romance, dilfy willam dafoe in lipstick and iconic lines such as “dude, he totally just scratched his balls.” and “you’re soft. you’re a soft little boy”this movie is so much f***ing fun, it’s not trying to be f***ing prestige and its not kid sh*t. it has fun! it allows itself to play with familiar beats and elements, and it allows itself to get weird and disturbing. it’s lynch meets burton meets like halloweentown or some sh*t.ok, so here’s the thing- i f***ing love wacky cast of character with their own special talent thing. like i love it. and this movie does it well- it’s unique, it’s not a fat guy and conjoined twins- it’s a snake boy (that yumyum from almost famous) and man without a f***ing torso. insane! in f***ing sane. like it has been almost 10 years since i saw this film and i still remeber the ribs guy and the arm trick. we are introduced to a wolf boy (not a hairy guy!! a f***ing hybrid wolf man) a woman who can regrow limbs (also with the coolest limb regrowing effect i’ve ever seen? like better than it) big tooth woman (mabel from gravity falls) a man with a 3 foot forehead, a two stomached man who barfs up a bicycle that he rides away on, and a f***ing snake boy who plays electric guitar.  lthat’s not to mention the giant man and salma heyek who grows a beard in front of our eyes (and is also psychic)and john c reiley????  f***ing hilar. his first lines sound like something from Peep show or a surprisingly good SNL sketch. and the bit where darren is saying goodbye to his parents seriosuly made me tear up. its just really sweet to see a 17 year old crawl into his parents bed and tell them they’re doing a good job okay!!!! and then john c relief gently pushes him off a roof. have to say though the weirdest part of this is steve chewing gum at his wake. like gum ?? during the viewing of your best friends body?? like i get it’s significant for other reasons but. gum?? but then he delivers a heartbreaking speech about how he hates darren for leaving him. and then he gives his corpse his blackberry calls him an asswipe bc he is a vampire. this f***ing movie.did i mention the dumpster baby song? masterful. or the part where darren calls steve just to hear his voice? the end fight? the girls monkey tail when they kiss? him being a f***ing circus freak? i f***ing love this movie. f*** anyone who hates cirque du freak all my homies love cirque du freak. also like i never read the books (apologies) but f*** u that movie shaped the person i am 2 day before that movie i was a scared lil bitch who cried at the sight of blood and now? pimp as f*** freak just found out that the actor for the main character is a pro lifer. pain. all i f***ing know is pain. still 8/10

alright so maybe im 17 days late but time is bullsh*t im doing 18 reviews in one day. im gonna try to do less known ones incase anyones looking 4 a new flick (excluding this one we just watched it in film class) day 1: silence of the lambsdir. johnathan demme 9.5/10available free at seriesonline.ionot much to say abt this that hasnt already been said!! clarice is the only f***ing cop ill ever like, hannibal is a big d*ck cannibal f***, and buffalo bill is one of the best murderers on screen. masterfully done, super tense, and insanely well written! 

am i rlly gonna blog once a month? i sure hope not D:hey again, lots has happened since i last posted on here. i would have posted sooner but my laptop p much died and took a month to get fixed (so now im super behind on schoolwork, yaaay). if that wasnt enough, my bike also got stolen, so that's cool  its not like i liked it or put work into it or anything... of coooourse not... and its not like it's probably my downstairs neighbors' fault or anything... this is fine. on a better note, my bday was nice (and a whole month ago lmao), considering we're in a pandemic! I got an angelic pretty dress i've wanted for like ever!! it's called space lollipop and it's super nice and sparkly! jfashion is super important/sentimental to me and to think that i'd actually start owning pieces from a brand i've admired from afar for so long is just... the wildest thing xD i have a skirt of theirs (powder rose), but having a whole dress is rlly something ^o^ here's some pics :D(yes i did the skirt twirly thing how could i not xD if u own a dress ur legally obligated to do it xP)i hope i can wear it soon! if the library was open here i'd wear it there D: idk why but i always test outfits by going to the library lol theyre just so nice there and its a library how could u not like it xD i rlly miss going there they have a whole small downstairs area full of manga and comics (all i ever go there for) and its super cozy! i think the last time i went in was b4 the pandemic... D: outside of taco bell its the only place that matters here xDDalso, is anyone doin anything cool for halloween? i kno we cant rlly do much but... its the only thing im rlly looking forward to in these trying times™. i hope every1 gets cool costumes and uhhhh maybemcrwilldosomethingthatwouldbeverycoolandnicebutprobablynoticandreamthx for reading! ;D

today was a really nice day. we rested a lot in the morning, and listened to music. that was really nice, and i started feeling bad and maggie took care of me:) shes so kind to me it makes me feel all warm inside. i love her so much, and her voice is so soothing it makes me so much better just to hear her talk to me. she had to cook/eat a lot today because she had to start taking a med. ik how hard this was for her, and im so f***in proud that she pushed through and ate enough to meet her goal! i got a shirt in the mail today, and i took pictures to show maggie:) she said i looked really cute, and that made me blush really hard. she likes my buzz cut which makes me really happy. at one point, i kept asking questions when she was getting juice so she said "im trying to serve myself juice you fool" loli said i missed her p**sy, and that made her legs give out for a sec lmaothen we talked about what kind of bodies i like, and she seemed kind of surprised, because based on stuff id said in the past she thought i only liked really skinny girls. then, when she had to eat more, i started listening to the rolling stones, and she laughed at me for listening to the poser songs(they are posery af though so i had it coming lol)its kinda corny i guess, but i think shes a badass for pushing through and eating more. good job maggie! i love you

where i took it from lol*I only did half of them and might do the rest later if ppl want :P 1. Are you more Scene or Emo?  Scene probz 2. Were you ever into Never Shout Never? yea kinda listened to it on and off  3. Fringes or Coontails? i dont haveeee coon tails i have fringe but i wanna pick both ;-; 4. Bright and colourful hair, or dark black hair? colorful im a stop light  5. Gloomy bear or Hello Kitty? ahhhh f*** i love both but i have to go with kitty 6. How often do you shop at a HotTopic? so often everytime i go to the mall or want a cute accessory so like once a month??? 7. How many band posters do you have up? none :// i have pics of them on a bulletin board tho 8. Have you watched Invader Zim? If so, who’s your favourite character? overall gir but i love dib, zim and gir all in their own ways  9. Opinion on Gerard Way? hes amazing love his music and he seems very cool  10. Waffles or Tacos? tacos probably  11. Have you played Gaia? sorta 12. Dear Maria or Check Yes Juliet? check yes juliet but only by a bit  13. Do you drink Monster? YES my friend even made fun of me for it today >:((( 14. Have you had a scene phase before? still in it 15. Do you make Kandi? yea a lot 16. Do you wear a lot of Kandi? no not rly im wearing more lately tho 17. Do you have a Blingee account? And/or make Blingees? no i want to tho 18. Are you a furry? If so, what’s your fursona like? no but i support them all the way  19. Do you listen to BVB, AA, or BMTH? bmth more nowadays out of all 3  20. Do you have Funko Pops? sorta theyre put away tho theyre vocaloid ones from like 2016 21. Do you watch Anime? no not rly used to tho 22. Do you play Animal Jam? not anymore loved it when i was younger  23. Are you okay? f*** no 24. Are you Lol Xd Randum?? i mean im a dumbass  25. Opinion on Nyan Cat? iconic

Hey everyone, I am doing well just got caught up in school and was drained for a while but I am feeling better!I am doing alright in AP Calc so far, but Physics is a tiny bit hard just because the teacher doesn't have a full class to explain stuff. :/  However, I have been more stable and happier with how my days have been this recent week, and that's a small step but still a big accomplishment for me I think. Recently I have discovered Russain Doomer Music and that was been very interesting so far, (^-^)  it is a vibe for sure! The weather today was chilly and it made me so happy.  I can't wait for Halloween even though I won't really do much but the decor and smell of the air is something I always look forward to, maybe global warming will make it snow??? It rarely snows lol but one can hope. I think I might try and wear more stuff out of my comfort zone that I wanna wear, I also am going to be babysitting more which I am worried about a tiny bit. It would be hard a week 1 pm-7 pm and its3 kids but they are usually nice and well behaved just school ends at 3 pm so there might be some overlapping. But hopefully, I can manage it when i can and create a good work ethic. goodnight!

i rly wish it was still f***in 2011 :// im new to this but im trying!!