Name: Folco Boffin Esq. Other aliases: Groban Hobbit, Falcon Boffin, Mr. J, Businesshobbit extrodinaire.
Date of birth: 2978 in the Third Age
Zodiac: Leo
Love: Women, lasses, socereeses, mermaids, angels, females
Here for: Business and Pleasure
Status: Single but not for long ladies!
Let's see, lets see, more about me. I am the only surviving son of Vigo Boffin, the greatest Orpah singer in all of Middle Earth. My mother passed away when I was born and father never spoke of her much, but from what I hear she was a true angel and sang like one too! I get my gift of singing from both parents.
My best friends are Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took. Together we tried to build a great contraption called a train. It would take us all the way to Gondor in less than seven days, though we never did finish it due to lack of steal and other supplies. Since then, I have taken up accounting and purchasing land to farm. Merry, Pip and I are going to make the best brewery in all of the south farthing and those from all over the Shire will come to drink our brew!
Samwise Gamgee and Fredegar Bolger are also my friends, though I don't see them all that much, some say Fatty and I have the same personality. I sincerely believe that he stole a lot of my lines from me to get the ladies, but I'm the true comedian here. Rumor has it that Frodo is my friend. I'm not too sure about that. Sometimes I feel that my relation with the Bagginses is a really badly misunderstood drama. They have their own issues that I would like to not be associated with.
There is also rumor going around that I am a caprender. No, I am sorry you all have mistaken, that I am not. I can't even spell that word. I don't like messing around with wood carvings but I do a great deal of book keeping and mathematics. I'm closer to an astronomer than a capernder. There is some rumor as well that I fathered a son with a woman named Diamond. This is false, but she and I possibly did have a grand love affair that made her blonde hair turn brown. Yes I was that good. *Folco's gaze into the heavens fades when squierrels jumped on a branch above him and made prickly pine cones hit him in the head* Anyways, I'm kidding. I might have had something with her, but my true love is a lass named Estella. She doesn't quite know that I exist yet, but maybe all that will change when my beard grows in. Hobbit lasses really like lads with beards I hear. They are always drooling all over Thorin and his company, minus the wizard.
What else is important? Lets see, I own several properties in Crickhollow in Buckland and I am growing miles and miles of wheat there. I also own one donkey. His name is Jeffolco69. I had 68 before him that kicked the bucket, so he is number 69 in the bunch. I have my eye on a beauty that will be number 70.
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I'm sorry Mr. Boffin. I had to flee the ....*leans in and whispers* 'old place' Too! It was horrible what happened to me there and *whispers again*. Nelly was one of them.
Perhaps here we will find peace. *shakes her head as she tries to remember*
No. I don't ...think...I do know an Ari Boffin. Maybe I am suffering from shock, but I don't think so. I'm so sorry you had a bad and awful experience there too.
*pats his shoulder and sighs sadly*
"I doubt it. She hates me." Lip stuck out, she nods her head in greeting.
"You've been missed Mr. Boffin."