02/10/2023 12:44 PM  A Murder <3 I watch her sleep, mouth slightly open and breathing steadily. I've been staring at her peaceful face for some time now, clenching the knife in my hand tighter. I grit my teeth, "how pitiful" I chuckle. It'd been almost 17 minutes since I'd been standing there, waiting for her to notice me creeping up on her. I lunge towards her before I even realize it, pushing myself on her frail body, her ribcage poking against my pelvis. She opens her eyes, as her mouth widens in a state of panic. It was too late, I stab my rusted blade inside her, and twisted it into her as we maintained eye contact. She spits blood onto my face as I laugh maniacally. That's when I start to feel myself disintegrating, I was turning lighter and lighter. I desperately tried to hold onto the knife and keep myself grounded. I knew this would come if I'd gone again with the plan since destroying her would destroy me.  In the end, I was the only one who could end myself, a perfect murder with no traces of my existence in sight   0 Comments

08/23/2020 03:10 PM  Instagram Archives. I decided to delete my secret Instagram page that I would use to rant and post dark sh*t. but I really want to archive the contents of the post. they were mostly poems / paragraphs of me venting sh*t out.  I'd recommend that you skip this if you are light-hearted. 3rd April, 2019 There are days when I just feel like killing everyone around me. I imagine them in shackles and blindfolded. I then imagine my hand with a blade in it, reaching out to them and gently slitting their throats. I then proceed to lick the blood oozing out. I jerk their head upwards by pulling their hair, so that more blood can come out. I then get up, and whip at them. I lash them until I'm satisfied. I bathe in their blood. I starve them for days. I feed them stale food. And hopefully get them to eat their own puke too.  But alas, it hasn't happened yet. It's only alive in my imagination. 5th April, 2019 Another form of torture that I would enjoy if given a chance would be the slow process of removing the other person's teeth. Just one at a time. Slowly and bloodily. So that the gums would get enough time to produce more blood before I move on to the next.  I wouldn't even give them any Anesthetic drug. I'd be kind enough to let them enjoy the process too. It's actually not bad for the victims if they learn to enjoy the pain too, you see?  In the end. They'd finally understand why I'd asked them to keep their mouths shut when they went on talking about their crap. (Crap: anything that I'm not interested to hear. Or their male chauvinist thoughts or old stereotypical ideas ) 7th April, 2019 The society suffocates me. It kills me. It's attempts to mould me into someone I'm not, hurts me.  It makes me question myself, my identity. It tries to manipulate me.  I do resist it's attempts to destroy me, but I do not know how much longer I can hold back.  I am getting weaker.  And weaker. 1st June, 2019 Let me out.  I'm dying here.  I can't hold it in anymore.  My anger is taking over.  My grief is turning into rage.  If I'm not let out in time,  The beast that is in me,  Shall awaken,  Rise And  Feed upon the flesh of those who put me in misery. ​​​​​​21st August, 2019 Is it possible to feel raped without actually being raped?  You know that feeling of being emotionally abused?  Can someone be emotionally raped?  Why won't anyone speak about how people get emotionally raped?  My mind is brimming with confusion, guilt and anger.  Guilt; because everyone keeps blackmailing me emotionally and make me feel guilty of what I did/ didn't do for the other person.  Anger; because I am sick of the way people look at me. And how they want me to suppress my speech and thoughts.  Confusion; because I do not know if I should be angry or guilty.  Sometimes I wish I could get high on some strong drug. That way,  I wouldn't have to face all these emotions head to head.  Call me a 'loser' or a 'weakling', I do not care. I am just trying to save myself from the toxicity of others and my own mind. ​​​​​​26th October, 2019 Everything is so chaotic right now.  I'm hurt, sad and angry at the same time. It's been some while since I last felt this way.  I feel misunderstood again. I try to be perfect.  I fail all the time.  Why do I even try? How do I kill myself without actually dying? I want to tear everything apart right now. ​​22nd November, 2019 I've been feeling so low since the past one month.  I can't really describe my feelings in words but I shall try to-  my insides hurt. it feels as though something is piercing through my intestines. it must be noted that this pain isn't physical but rather superficial.  my head is chaotic and messy. with one part of me wanting to destroy everything I set my eyes upon, while the other part of me wants to put an end to my own misery by taking out what's left in this shallow, fallen mortal shell of mine.  it hits you when you're least expecting it- the pain.  it's like one moment you're fine, and you're having a nice time with the people you love and then the next moment the overwhelming feeling of throwing up and crying till your tears run out takes over.  I feel so helpless. there's nothing I can do. Andy's voice is the only thing holding me back from doing anything that my rotting carcass might regret later.  I believe that corpses have feelings too, which is why I'm a little bit of a necrophiliac. actually no that's not the reason why, but whatever. 5th December, 2019 I'm such an emotionally messed up person xD but I'm just so pissed.  so pissed about not being able to do anything. the law is the only thing that's holding me back. but it seems as though, these people don't care about going to jail. so why should I? why should i care?  atleast, I'll be in peace.  will I be in peace after exterminating all these men? or will it develop into a new hobby and passion and continue even after I'm done with that I'd intended to do? I really do not trust myself when it comes to these things. *Sigh* what did my parents do? did they make a huge mistake by bringing me into existence? 16th December, 2019 f*** all of you.  everyone is so fake. each and every one of you is so worthless.  you should all kill yourselves. ​​​​​16th December, 2019 I'm going to treat everyone the way I want to. every one deserves to be treated like worms. I could squish all of you.  the entire human race.  such idiots.  when will all of you learn your true calling? when will you realise that you were born to serve me?  when do you plan to apologise to me for everything? I'm waiting. 19th January, 2020 okay so I'd promised myself that I'd never post another depressing post on here again.  but I feel like crying. I don't know why.  I feel like such a disappointment oh my god. I hate myself so much. I just want to apologise to everyone for having me as a part of their life. Im such a burden to everyone. I really want to disappear so badly. I'm done disappointing everyone, including myself. I hate this so much. 5th March, 2020 I don't deserve love from anyone.  I really don't. everyone else is more important than me. that's a fact. no one misses me or cares about me. and even if they do or claim to, I'm not their topmost priority. I don't even expect me to be. oh no, I'm not feeling bad about it or anything.  Im not complaining at all.  I just need to keep reminding myself and get used to the fact that I'll always be a less of a priority. others' feelings come on top of mine.  always.  that's how it has been, will be and should be. :) 20th May, 2020 okay so apparently tomorrow's my birthday? i hate my birthday. although i LOVE celebrating others' birthdays. i just dont like the fuss about it. like everyone treats me like they actually like me and gives me all this attention for that one day and *poof* its all gone the next day.  as someone who dreads their own existence, i can tell you for a fact that my birthday makes me HATE the fact that I was even born. like why did my mom go through the pressure of carrying me around for 9 months and then painfully delivering me. couldn't she just have miscarried me or couldn't i have been born as a still born and get discarded as soon as i entered into this world? god. so many things couldve been avoided if this would have just happened.  but, apparently today was the birthday of one of the girls from my school, and oh my god she seemed so happy about her birthday. and i just couldnt understand how she was managing to feel that way on her birthday.  i dont know if this feeling will eventually change or not.  but hey, irrespective of it being my birthday or not, im always open to receiving free stuff :P (just kidding. i won't accept free stuff apart from my birthdays) - and that marks the end of my Instagram rants xD   again, I'll be really surprised if anyone made it till here.  I know that some of these posts must've been really hard and difficult for some people to take in, especially the first few ones. I think i should mention that i was in a really bad state of mind back then, and i was just so frustrated with everything that was going on. I think i'll write another blog about that later.    0 Comments

08/22/2020 02:13 PM  Im Back Current mood:  blank "You were thinking I died?  Bitch surprise, I still got em double thicc thighs  No lies". ok but seriously though. I cant believe im back on here. I'd created this profile wayyy back, almost a year back, but I never really got around to using it. I'd actually been spending the past year trying to supress my emo side online but aaahhh~ i cant help it. i honestly dont care about being emo openly anymore. people already call me emo anyways ;-; I also decided to start a blog on here, cause everyone on here are like minded individuals and i cant help but feel super comfortable with y'all over here. even though i havent had a single conversation with anyone on here. yet. I'd love to make friends on here, so please feel free to text me. ♥ Anyways, I think I should introduce myself on here, I am Cazz. I turned 17 earlier this year, and Im from India. I am genderfluid (my pronouns shift from she/her to he/him occasionally.)  I think there's already enough basic information about my interests on my profile already, but i think my future blogs would be able to reveal more about my personality. ;^^ I really appreciate you for making it till here ♥ thank you.  (subscribe to my blog pwease? also, please tell me if you have a blog too, i'd love to read yours too.) 0 Comments

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