06/02/2021 05:09 PM  If Life Was Fair I Wouldn’t Have To Make These Boring Blog Posts About It June 2, 2021    I'm going to be making a SpaceHey account soon so whether I'll pick up where I left off on there or keep this going on here too. It's not like people read this, nor would I necessarily want anyone to. Though I'm way more open online than in person about a lot so it's whatever. I treat this like a Live Journal or something. A boring one at that.    The things I wish were true in my life are out of my control. I wish I was somewhere where people liked me and I feel welcome. Somewhere I could be myself WITH people like me. My passion is something I never got to experience and it sucks. Wrong place, and definitely wrong time. Lately more than ever I've felt so alone. Like, discouragingly lonely. Like life would be so much better if I just got up and left.     Seeing others online with friends they relate to just makes me feel worse honestly. It shows me that plenty of people are into the same stuff as me and still found people like that in PERSON and I can't relate to anyone here. It's so lonely living like this. I don't hang out with anyone. I think about it, or at least what it would be like. I just wish I had friends more than anything. I'd love to be in a relationship but what I really want is a consistent friend group. People who relate to me, and I feel appreciated by. I've never had that. To the point that I seriously have no idea what it's like to be truly happy and hanging out with friends. I don't have experience, just what I've seen others do. Since making friends is so easy as long as you're not me and/or don't live in such a boring place.     If life was fair I wouldn't be here. If life was fair I'd find love. If life was fair I wouldn't wish I was dead every day. If life was fair I'd be taking pictures and listening to Senses Fail with my friends I'd actually HAVE. My perfect, ideal girlfriend and I would be doing each other, and each other's makeup. I'd be joking around with my friends laughing like I never have. I'd not have a perfect life but a fair one. One that wasn't without problems but was balanced out by the positives. Because right now there are no positives. My life has become near-meaningless to me. Just plain boring. I really hope it gets better, that's the only reason I've kept going.     0 Comments

04/14/2021 11:02 PM  “This Is Settling” Maybe if I jump from this building top, I’ll meet you at the bottom. Sympathy, meant just for me, I guess that’s just my problem. That aching feeling in my chest, It doesn’t really matter I guess, This isn’t love, This is settling. Settling for second best. 0 Comments

03/11/2021 01:46 PM  I Really Wish I Wasn’t Alive... March 11, 2021    No exaggeration when I say this, I'd rather be dead than continue to live like this. My life lately can be summarized in one word: pointless. I've been trying to see the light at the end of this tunnel for years now, and looking back I start to wonder how long I've really been lost. I get so sad over the thought of 2 years ago, 3 even 4, when life seemed not so bad. I didn't have friends then, just like now, but at least I felt I had some purpose in life, and legitimately enjoyed being alive for the most part. Life had its ups and downs but I was happy to be along for the ride.    Fast forward to now. I have no friends still, no girlfriend in sight, no fun ever, and I can't do what I want in life. At all. I had such big hopes of being in a big city and making friends and being able to make a living off of my artistic passions, but no, I'm stuck in this waste of my time called "life". I'm in a small town, no friends or anyone like me. My interests mean nothing to anyone around here, any ounce of enthusiasm I have for something is a joke to those I tell. Let me hope, like please. It's all I have now.    I see everyone I've gotten to know online living what seems to be an eventful life. All I can do is watch and wish that was me. I even have my fair share of support and people who feel bad for me, but it really sucks I have to rely on sympathy for my stupid life as a means of motivation to even wake up. And wow do I wish I didn't. I'd be so happy to just not wake up to another day in such pathetic excuse of a life. I'm so tempted to just run off to another city, another state, and just hope something happens. More luck finding happiness in that than my situation here. I'm wasting my time.    I just want a way out, I want to feel at home. I want to feel loved, I want to feel appreciated, I want to be happy. Not rich, not living in a huge house, not a million dollar car. I'd drive my beat up used car, live in a small apartment complex, with just enough money for bills and be the happiest I've ever been. I want to spend my time just feeling comfortable, not alone, living my one chance at life somewhat happy, and my best bet at this point is driving away, to anywhere but here. A good life. Whether I find it or die in the middle of nowhere looking for it, either way is better than this... 0 Comments

12/17/2020 11:12 PM  Never Been More In Love December 17, 2020 My life has gotten really bad. I'm realizing that im unappreciated by many. I don't really have any reason to be here. Except for Meadow. She's showing me the love i've always needed. She's the most beautiful, caring, nice, loving girl i've known. And i can be myself with her, she loves me for who i am. She reassures me that im worth all her love. And im trying to reassure that i will do the same for her.     Sometimes i get so caught up in everything that i forgot she needs me as much as i need her. I wanna be there for her as much as she is for me, and reassure her shes the reason i smile. She's perfect inside and out and i wanna remind her of that. She deserves to feel as loved as she makes me feel.    I'm so hopeful for the memories we'll make together. Shes opened my eyes to so much. I'll fight for her, for us. When we face new callenges, someone wants to take her from me, someone wants to hurt her, someone wants to see us hurt, i'll fight for our love.    2 Comments

09/28/2020 01:37 PM  First Post In Like Forever September 28, 2020   It has been a long time since I've posted on here. In that time so much has happened I don't even think I should bother saying it. I'm in a pretty...bad place. Much more than usual. I don't know. But I'm trying to fix it the best I can, because I wanna take back control over my life. 0 Comments

07/16/2020 05:34 PM  "Amber Eyes" Blue sights with your amber eyes. Foreshadowing your goodbyes tonight. Blue skies, what a surprise. The sunlight on your face. (It feels so right)... Take your time, Walking the redline. Take your time. (x2) Cross the line tonight. For the first time, The first time, For the last time! The last time tonight. Promises of second chances, When you get out of bed. We have all evening to second guess this, And everything you never said. To me Blue sights with your amber eyes. Tell me now, oh, is it time tonight? Time to finally realize, Just what it is we're up against. Take your time, Walking the redline. Take your time. Promises of second chances, When you get out of bed. We have all evening to second guess this, And everything you never said. 2 Comments

04/01/2020 02:26 PM  "Your Promises" Blue sights, autumn eyes. Foreshadowing your goodbyes. Blue skies, what a surprise. The sunlight on your face. Promises of second chances, When you get out of bed. We have all evening to second guess this, And the alibis that you have said. 0 Comments

04/01/2020 02:24 PM  "Retrograde" I will never live for you, This is my future, I'll live in bittersweet misery, You'll live in superficial joy. And we'll walk side by side, But never say a word. Those feelings are consuming you, Just another side effect of fitting in. You'll keep on taking chances, But you won't ever win. This abuse will only hold you back, As time keeps going faster. And heartbeats keep getting slower. When the time comes to leave it all behind. But you'll never know the reason why. Those feelings are consuming you, Just another side effect of fitting in. You'll keep on taking chances, But you won't ever win. This isn't over, that I know. This isn't over. This isn't over, that I know. This isn't over. This is my future, the one I wanna see. This is my promise, this heart belongs to me! Those feelings are consuming you, Just another side effect of fitting in. You'll keep on taking chances, But you won't ever win. Those feelings are consuming you, Just another side effect of fitting in. You'll keep on taking chances, But you won't ever win. 0 Comments

04/01/2020 02:18 PM  Writing And Waiting April 1, 2020    Not much to say. Actually, there's a lot to say, but I don't know where to begin. I've wrote a lot recently, and I came up with REALLY good lyrics. I want to make music, hopefully I'll get started soon.    I haven't posted on my Instagram or here on Friendproject in a while, I've had a lot going on and I'm just trying to make sure I'm okay so I can get back to this. I miss posting. I always think about it. 0 Comments

12/17/2019 04:16 PM  Wishing I Wasn't Bored December 17, 2019    I wish I wasn't so bored. I want to go out and do stuff with friends (that I don't have but whatever). Pretty much everyone who would want hang out with me are those I meet online. Still that's better than no one.    I also want to get back into painting and drawing. I haven't done it for months now, mostly because I'm out of ideas and have too much on my mind. But it helps me out my emotions into a picture.      0 Comments

Previous123Next

View All Posts