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Last Login:
January 20th, 2019

Gender: Male
Status: In a relationship
Age: 18
Country: United States

Signup Date:
November 21, 2017



01/19/2019 05:18 PM 

This Month

January 19, 2018

   I never have much to say, but I'll try. This month is going pretty decent. Not too bad actually. Kat should be over tomorrow if she can. Also, she and I going snow tubing with her family next Saturday. I'm glad I'm not working that day. I wouldn't want to miss that.
   Speaking of work, I got a raise from $8.50something an hour to $10.00 an hour. But lately I haven't had many hours. Still, it gives me a break and some time to calm down.

12/31/2018 04:47 PM 

New Year's Eve

December 31, 2018

   Well, 2018 was...something. There were some good things, and some (really) bad things. But those things in one way or another have shaped me. I learned a lot from this year. Now, 2019 will be the year I get my life back on track. I want to live without worrying constantly, and I know that with the loving presence of Kat, I'm not alone.
   Speaking of Kat, she's going to stay at my place for a while tomorrow. No better way to spend the first day of the new year than with her. She is my everything, and I love her so much. I haven't seen her since the 22nd. She and I are both ready.

12/19/2018 07:35 PM 

An Update I Guess

December 19, 2018

   It's already the 19th. Time is going so fast, especially the last few months. I'm excited for this weekend. Kat is coming over to my place Saturday night. I love spending time with her. 
   Winter break is coming up and I really could use it. I really hope that I can lose some of the stress I've been under for a while now. Then it will be New Year's Eve already. Time is flying.

12/04/2018 07:47 PM 

What Time Has To Offer

December 4, 2018

   So I haven't been on here a while. There's a lot to catch up on. It' been an even longer time since I've updated my blog. But I had nothing to talk about besides how my life has lost all of it's fun and I was lonely. But something happened recently. Something I thought of every day but never expected. Someone.
   In the time I was gone I met a girl named Katarina. She complimented my hoodie with the ribcage and heart on it one day while walking in the hallway at school. Once we got back from break we started talking more and more. And for what feels like the first time, I was on the same page as someone. We found a sense of happiness in each other that both of us were missing. There's this feeling of safety. Yesterday we "officially" started going out, even though it felt like we already were. Everything about her just feels right. 
   I won't mention a certain name I used to anymore. I'm actually disappointed in myself for even referring to her in December. She obviously wasn't worth the worrying she put me through. I don't care anymore. Her name will never be mentioned on here again. I found someone who really cares about me. 
   My art class is going better. I finally started a project I'm really working on this time, and I still have ideas for my next ones. I'm still behind though, I really need to do what I can to catch up. Some stuff is still the same though. I'm constantly tired and I never feel rested. TheresT always something going on, and I just want a break from worrying.
   So, things are getting better. It's a long, terrible, tiring process, but in this case it's worth it. I learned to see people for who they really are, and how they change. Waiting is the only thing I can do. Now I have Kat, a girl who is there for me, and I can be there for her. This is what I needed. Now it's time to fix the broken life I saw shattering before me, but did nothing. I found hope in her eyes, and compassion unlike any other in her heart.

11/14/2018 07:48 PM 

Better, But Not By Much

November 14, 2018

   My life is still a joke. I'm used to it though. I'm finally (almost) over Trinity. But still, I get uncomfortable when I have to see her, especially with her new boyfriend. She really shouldn't be worth a thought but her treating me that way just shows who she really is. Or who she is now. I know she was different. It's her loss. Kind of. Well not really, but still, she knows what she did to me, and she doesn't care that she pushed me to the point of wanting my life to end. 
   I'm actually starting projects in art class. I have ideas and some motivation to actually do stuff in there now. Actually, I'm ready to start my next one, and I'm only starting the one I'm on. Its nice to do projects again, it really helps me to show the way I'm feeling in was words alone can't describe. 

11/08/2018 07:49 PM 

A Letter For Trinity

November 8, 2018

   Trinity, you made me feel the worst I have ever felt. Still, I tried to tell myself it was fine. You gave me a sense of happiness I might never feel again. Words can't describe the joy you brought into my life. They also can't describe the agony you put me through for months.
   I still cared. I never stopped caring about you, despite how much it hurt. You knew how miserable you made me feel, worrying constantly. You even know what it's like yourself. To think that you would treat a person the way you did is enough to show me who you really are. You changed. You're no longer the caring, understanding girl I remember. I hate that it had to end the way it did, but it says more about you than it does about me.
   So, goodbye. You gave me such lovely memories, and for that I thank you. I hope you're doing well, even though you hate me enough to shove me out of your life. I'm finally moving on, because I'm not letting you hurt me anymore than I already hurt myself. I want the time I spent with you to eclipse the darkness you put me through. I'm finally letting go.


11/08/2018 07:40 PM 

"You're Not There"

I know I have never felt so alone.
Now that I'm here on my own.
The warmth of you in my arms,
Is now but a memory I can't forget.
As I think of the life we left behind.

And the world never seems more dreary,
Than when you have to see it alone.
I might never see greater skies than,
The ones that you have shown.
I will never forget,
The way your voice brightened my days.
I reach out for someone to hold on to.
But we went separate ways.

I open my eyes and you're not there.

My dearest goodbye, I whisper, I,
Never thought I would lose you.
I still smile and look the other way,
But deep down I still miss you.
Now my evenings have become lonely.
And songs don't sound the same.
When there is nothing but notes to remind me,
How it felt just to say your name.

I know wherever you are,
You still laugh.
Still smile and hope lives on.
As coldness became the only thing I knew,
You are crossing the lines we've drawn.
A thousand words away you rewrite your life,
As choking goodbyes turn day into night.
I could never just let this happen like this but I guess it has to be.

I open my eyes and you're not there.

My dearest goodbye, I write, I,
Never thought I would lose you.
I still smile and look the other way,
But deep down I still miss you.
Now my evenings have become lonely.
And songs don't sound the same.
When there is nothing but notes to remind me,
How I felt just to say your name.

Goodbye, I won't forget you.
I can't forget you.
As I write your name for the last time.
Goodbye, I won't forget you.
I can't forget you.
As you walk away.

10/20/2018 08:26 PM 

I Want To Die

October 20, 2018

   It's been so long since I've woke up not wishing I died. The amount of hurt I'm feeling can't be described. Everything is so empty. I wake up, do the same thing, go back to bed, only to do the same thing over again. I was just starting to get over her, but I guess not anymore.
   I wanted to stay friends. Even after all of the MISERY she put me through, I still wanted to be something to her. She acts likelshe hates me and wants nothing to do with me. I want it to END already. I WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, AND THE LACK OF CLOSURE IS ABSOLUTELY KILLING ME. I HAVE NEVER FELT WORSE. I WANT IT TO JUST END ALREADY. But all I can do is sit and stare, wishing I was dead. BECAUSE I ACTUALLY WANT TO DIE. It wasn't my first thought, but it's the only thing left. I don't want to be here. I'm tired of this. 

10/10/2018 11:34 PM 

Nothing Will Ever Be The Same As It Was

October 10, 2018

   It doesn't matter how decent my day is, the second I see her it gets worse. Every time I see her I feel sick. It's not easy. I can't just "move on". She meant everything to me, and I have never felt happier than when I was with her. Now she ignores me, wouldn't miss me at all if I died, and probably (no, definitely) doesn't care that she completely ruined me. She was different, I know it. She wasn't like this, right?
   I wish this never happened. I want to feel at least some joy in my life again, because I haven't fully enjoyed a single day since summer started. I'm beyond tired, I'm miserable and every day is just reminding me of that.

10/03/2018 11:51 PM 

Never Felt More Miserable

October 3, 2018

   I want to die. I have not felt happiness since early June. Every day I wake up wishing I didn't. I'm lonelier than I've ever been. I have NO ONE there for me. No friends, nothing. 
   I started my project but it's not helping me feel better. It's a nice distraction but I'm still tired of living. I can't take it anymore. It hurts so much. It probably wouldn't hurt nearly as much if I haven't felt terrible all summer. It was all building up to how I am now.


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