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Queen

Last Login:
October 7th, 2019




Gender: Female
Status: In a relationship
Age: 23
Country: United States

Signup Date:
October 16, 2016


Subscriptions:

03/23/2017 01:50 PM 

Life
Current mood:  adventurous

As hard as this is going to be, I'm going to try really hard to push myself to get out more(unless I forget cuz I do that). I want my old life back. I want to be able to find the girl who was super bubbly and outgoing. I'm sick and tired of my anxiety and seasonal depression controlling my life. It's getting to the point that I don't care about anything. Not even myself. That's not good! I need to take charge. If my mom can do it and my best friend can do it, then I can do it. Yea, it's going to be really really hard but I have to do it. If I keep hanging out with people, as time goes on it will get easier. Then when I am done with college and I have a job and money to move, I can move to Florida like I've been wanting to do for years now. By that time my anxiety shouldn't be an issue anymore and it's summer every day there so I won't have to worry about depression. I just need to remember that I can go home at any time, it's not like I have to stay there, esp if I get anxiety I'm sure my friends would understand. If I do it enough, I'll no longer get anxiety. Well, so I was told by a YouTuber who specializes in this stuff. I'm sure he's right on the money though because anxiety is infact a fear. Your afraid of something. What I'm afraid of, is getting anxiety while I'm hanging out with my friends (not my best friends), make a total fool of myself because I'm panicking, they don't know what to do, and I embarrass myself or I'm freaking out so bad that I can't drive home. The worst part about anxiety is that sometimes you don't know why you are scared and/or you are scared of sh*t that isn't logical but you can't seem to convince yourself that even though deep down, your aware it's not a logical fear. I wouldn't wish this disorder on my worst enemy because I've been suffering from it for over a year now. My anxiety medication stopped working and it's a very long process for a doctor to get you off of them. It sucks ass. Yes, I'm suffering from it, but I'm still going to at least try to get out more and be the old me again. The happy me.

03/21/2017 05:45 PM 

Intervention
Current mood:  fascinated

OMG I am TOTALLY obsessed with the show "Intervention" it's so damn interesting! It's really sad at the same time though. People doing hard drugs and stuff is terrible and hard to watch. Yea, I don't know these people but still. I have empathy and its just sad. It's even worse when they don't get better and they decide to leave rehab and go back to their old ways. 

03/20/2017 07:18 PM 

Reading
Current mood:  good

I absolutely LOVE reading. I am obsessed with books. I will never read a book off of things like an ipad or a kindal though. I prefer the real thing and when I read from a real book I feel like I am accomplishing something by turning the pages and getting farther and farther into the book until I am done. I am currently reading the Harry Potter series. Yes, I did it backwards and saw all of the movies before reading the books, but to be fair, I was way to young when the first book came out. I remember my mom treading it to me when we were camping. I was born in 1995 sooooo yea lol! If your the type of person who likes to talk about books, then I'm a good person to talk about them with! 

03/20/2017 04:09 PM 

Question!
Current mood:  curious

So this website was really created by the guy who made MySpace?!

03/19/2017 12:44 PM 

Help!

Does anyone know how to post videos on here? Maybe you can't?

[ This blog post is viewable to friends only ]

03/19/2017 03:16 PM 

Mental Illness

I admit it. I'm not the same person I was 3 years ago. I was happy, outgoing, daring, secure, proud, and fearless. Now, I can't even leave my house without getting anxiety. Even to hang out with my best friends. I can't do this anymore! I miss who I used to be so so much! If I wanted to be friends with someone I would go for it and be friends with them. Just trying to live life in general is a huge struggle for me. I am not living a normal life at all. I never said anything to anyone about the way I was acting until last night. I'm literally scared of everything. I can't date anyone because I'm mentally unstable and I can't make new friends to hang out with either because I'm terrified to do so. Not to long ago I was the girl who had a tone of friends and it was hard to keep me at home. Now you can't get me to leave the house. What is wrong with me? I'd really like to know! I'm a completely different person now and I'm always unhappy with everything. I don't get excited anymore to color my hair (which always made me happy), I don't get excited for really anything anymore because I feel like I am just existing at this point and I'm not living. Life isn't fun for me anymore. I can't enjoy anything. If nothing gets better soon, I might just say f*** it and make the really hard choice of getting admitted and have them detox me from all of my meds, and start me completely over because my anxiety meds are not working and I've been dealing with this sh*t for almost a year now. 

03/19/2017 01:50 PM 

My Facebook Account
Current mood:  aggravated

My facebook account because this website can frustrate me sometimes. I never had a myspace so I am new to pretty much all of this: https://www.facebook.com/lauren.koch.9277

03/18/2017 05:40 PM 

wtf
Current mood:  silly

Is there seriously an option for feeling "high"? LMFAO WTF!? Day made!

03/17/2017 09:25 PM 

Hair
Current mood:  accomplished

I'm really glad that I went back to my natural hair color. It can finally grow out faster as well as healthy. My hair officially hates bleach! 

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